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New relationship going abit eeeky

(13 Posts)
notsohotchic Thu 02-Jul-09 01:01:41

Oh dear, this is going to sound pathetic... I am totally in love with my bf of 10 months. (he has met and gets on with my children from xp, which is great, but obviously I am serious about this relationship and we both see it as long term) I decided to try cerazette after a couple of months, a progesterone only pill. This didn't suit me as I was bleeding for up to 4 weeks at a time with none of the expected improvement and less and less sex-drive inbetween! Hell! So I gave up after 4 awful months. Since then I have found that he now has no sex-drive and although we are very affectionate and cuddle and kiss, he doesn't seem to want to be sexual any more beyond the odd snog. How do you manage this? I keep feeling devastatingly rejected (he always says he is too tired or else has some minor discomfort, backache etc...)and upset and I know I'm wrong to but I keep having strops about it and asking him whats wrong, if he doesn't find me attractive anymore etc.. He is 39 and I am 34. He said today that the more I react badly the less sexy he feels! HELP!!
I've done the sexless marriage and I don't want to go there again!! I am soo frustrated! ANYONE out there had similar experiences, NEW lovely relationships not being perfect enough? I was very happy single and full of vitality. Now I just feel like: is this worth the huge effort and amount of faith needed when you introduce him to your children etc.

sunshine13 Thu 02-Jul-09 12:15:43

I think it;s your pill that is making you have alack of a sex drive. i love my pill. I swear it keeps me sane! Im on the combined pill. I;d go and speak to your doc.

If you havent got a sex drive then your OH is going to feel rejected and not bother and may start to have wandering eyes.

I think it's got naff all to do with children- just a basic thing that you need to have in a relationship. SEX. Anyone says that sex doesnt matter in a relationship is talking ar7se! smile

If i were you, i'd get thee to the docs then go to Ann Summers and give him a night to remember. wink

ninah Thu 02-Jul-09 13:13:26

sunshine did you read post? op does have sex drive, it's her 'oh' who doesn't!
I wouldn't be happy with this after 10 months either. The thing that concerns me most about your bf's attitude is that he seems quite controlling, saying that your behaviour leads him to find you less sexy etc. Don't think that's right at all.

notsohotchic Thu 02-Jul-09 13:39:23

Hmm, I have been trying to stay alert to controlling behaviour, as my Xp was a pro at that. Do you think he is trying to deny responsibility for his feelings/behaviour?

Iklboo Thu 02-Jul-09 13:41:21

How was it before the pill episode?

Claire2009 Thu 02-Jul-09 13:45:05

maybe he's scared of getting you preg so not wanting sex?

notsohotchic Thu 02-Jul-09 13:48:12

Before the pill it was still in the sex every time we got together ball-park! I know that NEVER lasts (!) but I honestly didn't expect this.

sunshine13 Thu 02-Jul-09 13:48:33

think you're reading too much into this.
Just ask him what the matter is, rather than psycho analyse.

Molehill... moutain.

notsohotchic Thu 02-Jul-09 14:10:56

Yes the preg possibility fear has occurred to me, especially since he's been spending time with my offspring! Yes I am going to discuss this with him. But its not a molehill: we haven't done the deed for at least 2 months!

sunshine13 Thu 02-Jul-09 14:38:17

I would have def said something before.
Talk to him asap. Good luck.

notsohotchic Thu 02-Jul-09 15:03:50

Yes, I will, yes I did say plenty before but as I said in op, I asked him whats wrong and he didn't want to talk.

sparkybint Sat 04-Jul-09 15:50:06

Just seen this, 10 months def too soon not to be having sex - like you it would make me feel rejected and unattractive. What contraception are you using now then? Is it condoms and he hates them? You need to discuss it and get to the bottom of it but it may just be that he's got hang-ups about certain methods of contraception. My ex BF hated condoms from the start and couldn't keep a hard-on so it's possible.

notsohotchic Mon 06-Jul-09 14:41:12

Hmm, condoms. Yep, not so good for me and obviously he preferred the freedom when I was on the pill. But it was during the pill taking that the sex-drought began! So aithough they are annoying, can't blame them eg. we used them all the time for first weeks. Things have been a bit better since my op. But still no sex!

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