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Pregnant and going through a separation

(2 Posts)
SammiF Mon 22-Jun-09 10:15:32


I am writing this in case anyone else has been through a similar situation.

I have been married for 18 months and to be fair my husband and I have had some hum dingers of rows, but we loved each other an voed to make it work. We were due to go to relate.
We were stationed in Germany which wasn't ideal because I am close to my family, but that's where his job was so I had to be there.

I am 12 weeks pregnant and was thrilled from the start, he didn't seem too interested and we didn't talk about the pregnany much, but I thought that was just him being male.

This last two weeks I have been visiting my family in the UK and we have had a few altercations on the phone but nothing too major as they were things I didn't feel strongly enough to row about.

Now the night before I was due to fly home he calls me up to say that payment on the nursing chair I had ordered hadn't gone theough and it was a good job because I couldn't have it anyay as it was a needless expense. It didn't matter to him that it was a gift from my nan and it wasn't his expense.

Anyway he went on to say that he was talking to his work collegues and that baby's should nnot be rocked to sleep, and also I should stop breastfeeding at two weeks, because how would I know if the baby is drinking too mmuch!!????!!?? Well this conversation just blew my mind and with my hormones in full gear I blew my top. I refused to pick u the phone as I was in my nans house so an ensuing text war began where we mentioned divorce and me not getting on the plane. He seemed indifferent telling me he was in bed and didn't want me to contact him again. The next day after no sleep and a bout of D&V I went to the hospital to get checked over (god bless the NHS for refusing a distressed pregnant woman a scan)

I got back switched on my phone to find that instead of calming down he was about to throw all of my things away and even sent me a picture essage of my old photographs on a barbeque, burning. We spoke on facebook im and he told me that If i didn't give him the password to my hotmail then he wud post naked pictures of me on the internet. Obviously with the stress my stomach pains came back. I had to get the military police involved and his chain of command.

Anyway to cut a long story short he blames me for the whole thing as it was my choice not to get on the plane. He said he hates me for doing this to him, leaving him with the house and the debts and he is so filled with such loathing for me that he said he hasn't loved me for a long time and that he only stayed with me because of the baby.

So now I am back in Birmingham with my family and scared stiff about the future. I dodn't want to have to struggle like my mum did with me and finances. I am a thirty two year old woman and I am alone and scared.

ElenorRigby Mon 22-Jun-09 12:50:11

I don't normally advocate going to solicitors but in this case I think you need to get advice and fire a warning shot letter. No matter what the f is going on there is no way he should be bullying, threatening and destroying personal items at any time but to do so while you are 12 weeks pregnant is outrageous.
Don't communicate with him at all while he is being so abusive. Let him receive a letter from your solicitor and communicate through them if he cannot talk in a reasonable manner.
You do not need the stress especially at this time.

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