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becoming ill and worried for my boys

(11 Posts)
sundaymorning Sun 21-Jun-09 16:50:59

I have been ill for a few months, it seems that it may be the onset of multiple sclerosis but my neurologist says it's too early to be sure.

Basically, within a matter of a few weeks I have gone from an energetic mum whizzing around with ds10 and ds7 and feeling like everthing was finally falling into place to being virtually housebound.

I need a stick or D frame to walk, can't go much further than 10 mins, have real bad fatigue, fuzzy head, have muscle jerks with hands and legs flying, fuzzy vision etc.

When it all started I kind of laughed it all off, now it's sinking in that this may be serious. Had a billion tests at hospital and they say it's just wait and see now what will happen.

Family, friends, neighbours and even exDH rallying round with practical support, been great. But being single can be lonely sometimes and at the moment it seems very much worse to be by myself.

I'm putting on the good old British stiff upper lip to the world but once I'm alone I'm struggling a bit. I feel so alone, scared things will get worse and I can't look after the kids properly or whether I'll ever get back to being the mum I was. Feel like I've just hit a brick wall.

sundaymorning Sun 21-Jun-09 16:59:52

Oh and just to whine on a little longer if you will allow me, what chance do I have now of catching me a nice man being a single mum who now seems to be disabled as well!

Jumente Sun 21-Jun-09 17:24:29

Oh Gosh. I'm so sorry to hear this, being single myself it's one of my worst fears to become ill and struggle with looking after my boys. sad

You must be feeling very frightened. I think there are other mums on here who do have MS, and for those of us without that experience we will listen and support you x

sundaymorning Sun 21-Jun-09 17:52:42

Hi Jumente - it's good that my two are old enough to sort out many practical things for themselves, I'd be tearing my hair out if they were still toddlers! They are old enough to understand why we suddenly can't do some things but I do feel bad as summer holidays are looming and we usually have a great time gadding about seeing friends and doing stuff.

I obviously can't drive at the moment so we are 'at home and receiving visitors' this year I think!

I'm self employed, had some savings put by for rainy days though but they won't last forever. So yes, it's all a bit scary at the moment.

lou031205 Sun 21-Jun-09 18:31:58

sundaymorning, that is tough. Has anyone suggested you claim Disability Living Allowance? It might help a little financially.

CKelpie Sun 21-Jun-09 18:39:41

I was thinking about this very scenario myself this morning and thinking I ought to take out some kind of permanent health insurance.

Agree you should find out what benefits and assistance is available to you.

Use the practicalities to keep your mind occupied until you have a diagnosis if possible.

Fingers crossed you are back to normal soon.

sundaymorning Sun 21-Jun-09 21:22:15

I don't think you can't get DLA unless you have a definate diagnosis, this still may be a temporary condition so I am in a kind of limboland for now. If this continues for much longer I will see what finacial help I can get. Wish I'd taken out that insurance now though!

Financially we will be fine for a while, it's more the practical stuff I'm worried about. I'm coping ok with keeping everything going round the house... well, it's far from spotless (mind you it wasn't before wink) I'm concerned that things could get worse and I'll be a crap mum to the boys if I become more ill.

Being a single parent makes this harder on them as there is not someone else at home to fill in what I can't manage to do at the moment.

macdoodle Sun 21-Jun-09 22:23:26

You can claim DLA - go and see a DSS advisor - my friend is one and she is fab!

lou031205 Mon 22-Jun-09 16:07:14

Hi sundaymorning, DLA is decided on the needs you have, not the diagnosis.

For example, two people with the same condition might get different levels of DLA because one of them was able to walk further than the other.

You don't need a diagnosis to claim DLA, just an ability to identify what it is that affects you.

You need to phone up for a form, and then they give you 6 weeks from then to fill it in, and any award is back dated to the date you phoned.

The forms are horrible, but you need to be detailed about your difficulties. What happens when you walk, what help do you need, how long are you dizzy for, etc.

Don't be put off, it could really help you.

cestlavielife Mon 22-Jun-09 16:15:40

you can ask social services what help and support might be available to you eg home care people coming in etc. they could help you with housework for example.

also speak to social services occupational therapy dept for help with aids around the house. ask your GP / community nurse.

sundaymorning Mon 22-Jun-09 21:32:58

Thanks for all this information - I'll definately follow it up and see if there is any help out there. Going to GP tomorrow so will ask her advice too.

Was in shop today with sister, I had my stick but I was weaving about and overheard another shopper saying she thought I was drunk was embarressed

Need to get Tshirt with 'Not Drunk - honest' printed on it!

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