Ok I'm definitely not a newbie and am known around these parts (so to speak). Some of you will recognise me from details I post so if you do please don't out me!
Reason for namechange is I suspect my XP has been spying on me.
Anyway,on with my dilemma. Some brief background:- I recently got residence of DS after a court case. I know some folk will think how awful, trying to take my son away from his Dad but that's not the case. Believe me or not as you like. The reason for all this is that XP was (and still is) a controlling, manipulative bully. It's impossible to have a reasonable discussion with him, as his idea of a discussion is basically 'this is what I want, I'm going to do it and if you don't agree then tough shit'. Or else he agrees, says what he thinks people want to hear and does what the hell he likes anyway. No-one else's wishes or needs are taken into account. He is of course very convinving and reasonable on the surface which makes him extremely hard to deal with and makes me look unreasonable.
I realise some folk will be reading this thinking eh? What? What you on about? Get a grip! It's very hard to explain unless you have been through it.
There are now wranglings carrying on over DS' schooling. He will living with me and goign to school near me. He's had such an unsettled year and his birthday is at the end of the year. After much thought and discussion and also at the recommendation of the court reporter I thought it would be best if his schooling was deferred for a year. XP has got wind of this and is kicking off like a good'n. I'm now getting the usual thinly veiled threats and toys out the pram rants. It's unbearable. People say don't let him get to you and of course they are right but it's so, so hard.
I'm also getting conflicting advice from all quarters about what is best for DS's welfare. It's all getting a bit much and I feel like no matter what I do, I'm going to be in the wrong.
Now, I don't have masses of support up here although I do have a couple of friends. Was chatting with one last night and she said somehting which really hit home. She asked me why I was staying up here and putting up with Xp's nonsense when I had a lovely family at home who could give me so much support (which I do). I'd move there like a shot if it wasn't for XP who will naturally kick up a huge stink - my family live about 100 miles away. It's 2 hours away by car/on the train.
Then of course there is DS. After an unsettled start in life he is just starting to build up friendships here.
That's hard enough as it is as XP is so difficult about taking him to parties/activities and has him for most of the weekend. I do stand up to him and insist DS goes to see his friends but its so DRAINING.
And wouldn't it be awful for him to uproot him yet again after all he's been through? He is only 4. And he loves his Dad to bits. It feels unfair to take him away from his Dad and I know he will miss him if we go.
Please help me make some sense of this mess, sort out what is right for me and DS?
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Things are rapidly going to hell in a handbasket, any advice or help please?
31 replies
youngbag · 19/06/2009 14:02
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