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Help! My son has now asked to see his dad

(4 Posts)
Sweetchild Tue 16-Jun-09 10:14:40

I would welcome any advice on this!!
My 11 year old son told me this morning that he wants to see his dad.
His dad told me to leave when I was pregnant with our second child (My daughter, who is now 7) and moved a young girl in.
However, I was determined that this would not affect the kids, and let him have unlimited access. He kept letting the kids down by not turning up and refusing to take my daughter, so I stopped contact until we could see a lawyer to set times to stop the kids being hurt. He refused.
Since then (2003), I re-married, and my new hubby has been good to the kids, and they call him dad. My ex has been in contact once or twice, and again i told him he could see the kids as long as it was done through a lawyer so I could be sure that they were not hurt. Again refused.
Now what do I do? My hubby is against my ex in a big way, and I also have my 7 yr old to think about, but how can I refuse my son? What a bloody mess! Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

mrsmortenharket Tue 16-Jun-09 10:36:27

i'm sorry i odn't have any real suggestions, is there anything that has made him think of his dad? could you explain that you are trying to sort things out for him and help him? i think at 11, the courts would be more willing to accept your sons pov (this is known as gillick competence) but this may be something you can sort out with your sol (((((((())))))

can understand in some respects as dd, although only 3 has recently said that she would like to see her dad again - he is complete sod and is only keeping to contact centre times to show to courts he is going. everything must be done on his terms - he thinks. looooong story!

mrsmortenharket Tue 16-Jun-09 10:37:24

blush don't even grin

lostdad Tue 16-Jun-09 10:47:54

How about just letting him seeing his dad?

At the age of 11 he is nearly at the age where (if it ever came to court) his wishes would have a [b]very[/b] strong influence.

In a few years time (and maybe much sooner) if he keeps asking this you'll find yourself in the position of being the mother who listened to his wishes...or the one who tried to stop him seeing his dad.

If the worst comes to the worst, he could end up holding this against you for the rest of both your lives.

My ex is stopping my ds from seeing me. He's not yet 3 and I'm expecting my case to run for years and years. I truly believe our ds will end up resenting my ex for her actions, but try as I might there is nothing I can do about it - it's her choice.

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