Not having much fun at the moment- a bit long

[poshsinglemum]

Sorry if this is a bit self-indulgent.

DD is almost one and I feel proud of all I have achieved so far. I was dumped when pregnant and I was devastated but I have managed to survive and thrive in dd's first year.

However, I am not having much fun at the moment. I am a stay at home mum and I have no job to go back to although I would like to find one for next September.
I was treated like shit by my employers when I was pregnant and sometimes I think that it was sexual discrimination on the grounds of my pregnancy being unplanned and me being alone etc, etc.
I wasn't really enjoying ,my job but my confidence has been knocked by the way I was treated.
I have enjoyed being a stay at home mum as I love watching dd grow up but I have only been away from her for 6 hours since she was born. Sometimes I really miss my social life.
My best mate came round last night and she is lovely but I do kind of envy here. She was talking about this party and that party and travelling here, there and everywhere.
I wouldn't mind so much if I was married to Mr Perfect and to be honest I'd probably be pregnant again as I love babies so much.
So I can't have another baby as I am single and I can't go out and have fun as I have a baby and I feel bad for wanting to leave dd alone for a bit while I go out and
get wasted let my hair down!

My parents make wonderful grandparents and dote on her but I have a toxic relationship with them. They have babysat twice in a year and have changed about three nappies and given her one bath. I know that is really ungrateful of me as it is not their job to do that practicle stuff but if I moan that I'm finding it hard my dad just says
''But dd is so lovely and well behaved. '' She is lovely and wonderful and a true joy but my parents use that as a reson why I shouldn't moan about finding being a lone parent hard.
They have helped in lots of other ways but I feel bad asking them to babysit.
I also feel that I am spending more time with my parents than I normally would find comfortable as they only live down the road and to be fair have been supportive in other ways

I think I am pissed off because I really want to go to let my hair down this summer but I can't.

[poshsinglemum]

reason

[poshsinglemum]

Also a lot of my friends have buggered off since I've had dd. Two of my best mates ahve thankfully have had babies too but they have supportive partners and seem to be finding this motherhood milarky a walk in the park.

[bettyboo26]

Hiya posh,

sorry to hear you're having a hard time. This single mummy business is defo harder than it looks.
Try hard not to be envious of your friends though because I bet some of them are a tad jealous of you having your gorgeous DD and your other friends with 'supportive' partners may not be finding things as easy as you think they are.

What would your parents say if you asked them to have DD so you could have a break?
I know it's hard asking for help but having a break really does keep me sane.
Does ExP have DD for you?

[poshsinglemum]

They do say that they will look after her but then only at a weekend when my dad dosn't have work the next day which is fair enough. Also my dad works alot of weekends.

Mum and I were going to go to the pub at the weekend but I was so tired. I might be able to go out in July. Woohoo!

Also my parents are lovely but flounder at doing essential things such as nappy changes.

I am trying to wean dd off the boob so that I can go out.

Last time i went out it was for a meal and
they moaned that I was gone for too long (3 hours)
as dd was getting a bit fractious. She didn't even cry and she always gets a bit fractious!
EXP has buggered off abroad and has been no where to be seen since her birth although he does phone to tell me how georgeous she is in the photos.

The situation with my ex is also complicated and very dpressing. I think he has come round but is stuck abroad (Iran) due to lack of passport so generally shit in that respect really.
I don't want him back but would love him to see dd.
Even if he does come back I couldn't let him have dd alone in case he takes her abroad which is a real risk. It is never straight foward is it?

Oh I'm so ungrateful!

[bettyboo26]

Poor you.

What about asking your Mum and Dad to have DD overnight? Could you express and let them give her a bottle?
Even if your tired and don't want to go out, a night at home relaxing and a lie-in would do you the world of good.

[poshsinglemum]

Mum and dad have offered to baby sit fer her. DD was never great on bottles but has taken to her sippy cup. I'm sure she'd survive with them.
I really apprechiate their help but given my past relationship with them I wish I didn't have to rely on them.