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Am unable to stop overthinking and am pushing new man away because of it, any tips?

(8 Posts)
arwen Sat 13-Jun-09 09:25:34

I am a single mum, have been on my own for about 4 years. Have not really met anyone other than one date 2 yrs ago. have met a lovely bloke who is considerably younger than me (11 yrs) but we get on really well. I am wrecking my chances with him in a big way because although I am confident in many ways i am always doubting he actually wants to spend time with me, frequently feel like I am a charity case for him etc. He said last night that we have had the same conversation at least 3 times but I'm not even aware I am doing it. I am going to stop drinking at least for a bit as alcohol doean't help but if it's not already too late (and I suspect it might be) how do I stop myself obsessing about what he's thinking and making assumptions that don't even exsist. Last night it got to the point where neither of us felt we could speak as we would be saying the wrong thing :-(
I will be really sad if it's over before it got going but even if it is I need to sort this out as I see a pattern that will happen again. So, any tips on stopping obsessing over things you have no control over and making assumptions/reading things into texts and convo's that aren't even there? Would appreciate any advice
many thanks

emmawil37 Sat 13-Jun-09 09:54:48

Hi Arwen,

I've only just become a single parent, but i have had two marriages.

I'm so like you when it comes to overthinking. I was proved right with my exh2, however, I drove myself mad worrying about things and lets face it, if their going to cheat they will and you will find out so why worry enjoy what you've got at the moment and what will be will be. I know its easy to say and a lot harder to do. I don't think age means anything these days as lot of guys like the security of an older woman.

I think drinking is a nightmare, I love my wine, but when I drink everything comes out and once things are said its diffcuilt to go back. Last night I had a bottle of wine and was on the old txt to ex telling what I think of him, which didn't do anybody any good and I really should know better!!!

Its so hard I really know where you are coming from the pass is a hard thing to get out of your mind, but if you live for today who knows what tomorrow might bring. (I have never managed to do that but it sounds like good advice hmm

Best of luck and take care smile

arwen Sat 13-Jun-09 10:05:57

Thank you, I just need to find a way to chill out as he would say! not drinking will def help but is not a long term solution in itself. Am hoping I've not really screwed this up but suspect I have which is a bugger :-(

emmawil37 Sat 13-Jun-09 10:34:22

Its so hard isn't it, I've screwed up so many relationship when issues which I've never dealt with surface, especially when drinking! I know my last marriage only broke up 2 weeks ago so its early days but at the moment I'm kind of thinking I'm better by myself, that feeling won't last long but I just know I'm not an easy person to live with. Maybe though if the person is right for you they won't bring out that side, I don't know, I'm just hoping that.

Lets us know how you get on, maybe he will understand and everything will be alright smile

arwen Sat 13-Jun-09 10:40:28

will let you know!

arwen Sun 14-Jun-09 07:13:17

Hoorah, he is back in touch! Am surprised but please but aware I'm not going to get any more chances. I have given it a lot of thought and taken some excellent advice and I think seeing him as a friend is by far the best idea. He is going away soon for 3 weeks and then will be moving away when he gets back so there is no relationship, only in my head! There might be a friendship though which would be nice. Thanks for listening and for your support and advice

inthemistsoftime Sun 14-Jun-09 07:54:03

so pleased for you arwen, its always good to have friends and maybe the relationship can develop at a slower pace when there is a little distance between you.

emmawil37 Sun 14-Jun-09 08:57:22

Oh good for you Arwen, friendship is a great start, at least you can relax around him and get used to his company and then that might help you sort any other problems you have esepcially with self estem. I know thats the one I have to try and focus on!

best of luck, keep smiling smile

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