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My Ex is a fucking arse!

(14 Posts)
macdoodle Fri 05-Jun-09 19:53:23

He really is - treats me disgustingly and is starting on DD1 (nearly 8) who adores him
She is in Yr 2 and tonight was her first recoder recital - she was chuffed, I work late on a Friday till 7, ex picks the DD's up (DD2 is 17 months), and brings them to my house till I get home!
So told DD1 not sure if I could come - lack of babysitters and money to pay them She asked why dad couldnt come being as he was here already, so I asked him and with much moaning he agreed! So I bought him a ticket, and rushed home from work early!

So off he goes, DD1 is chuffed as he never ever watches or goes to anything
Except he has just rung me to say they are having a half hour interval and he has had enough shock
I asked what he wanted, did he want me to say it was ok for him to leave early
Said no way was I going to agree to his frankly selfish behaviour, and he could ask her himself if she minded
He say oh well he cant find her and they have gone off for the interval,and he has already asked my best friend and her DH (who live across the road and their DD is in my DD class) to bring DD1 home
He has nowhere pressing to be other than the pub, asked him if he would come and watch DD2 and I would go and watch the 2nd half (school is down the road), he says no he has to be off

So guess who will have to pick up the pieces yet again of a tearful disappointed little girl, who will have to walk home with another little girl with both her parents who are together and could both be bothered to stay and watch their child to the end!
God I fucking hate him angry

Haribosmummy Fri 05-Jun-09 19:59:23

angry

I'm sorry for your little girl.

I hope she doesn't / didn't notice till it had finished.

LaurieFairyCake Fri 05-Jun-09 20:03:06

words fail me sad angry

I loathe plays/recitals but I go because it makes her happy - and that's what it's supposed to be about, putting aside your own preferences to a certain extent to keep them feeling loved and secure.

Poor you and poor her. He's a fuckwit-bastard-arse-cunt.

Janos Fri 05-Jun-09 20:06:49

sad angry

Oh macdoodle. What a miserable, selfish, waste of space wanker.

Your poor DD.

macdoodle Fri 05-Jun-09 20:10:18

of course how many of us actually enjoy recitals, school plays, sports days, xmas carols etc etc, but we go because we love and are proud of our children - he is so bloody self centred and self absorbed its staggering
Best friend just texted to say she has bought both girls a hotdog and drink in the interval, he couldnt have looked very hard for her, she says DD1 doesnt realise he has gone yet

What goes through these mens heads really what??? Am so sad I chose such a fuckwit to be my girls father - dont know whether to cry or scream, neither helps

Janos Fri 05-Jun-09 20:15:35

Of course.

It's not your fault macdoodle. At least your DD hasn't noticed he's gone.

SarahMac30 Fri 05-Jun-09 22:32:15

angry angry angry

Macdoodle how awful for your little girl and for you. Don't know what else to say but I know how it feels picking up the pieces and trying to make excuses for them in order to limit the damage to your little girl. Be strong and take the moral high ground with him. What a bloody wanker though....his loss though, seriously!

macdoodle Sat 06-Jun-09 11:53:17

She came in all excited and a bit hyper, but after something to eat and me asking something fairly inncouous, we had terrible heart rending sobbing This is a little girl that rarely cries
I asked hwe why she was so upset and she couldnt really say ...or didnt want to!
She asked me later where he had gone, I said I didnt know and to ask him, she said she thought he had gone to the pub, and did I think that was more important, ahhhhh how can they do this to their children
I said she should talk to him about how she feels, but she said she cant because she doesnt want to upset him - makes me so angry - I tried to explain to her that it isnt her job to worry about him
He came as normal to take her to Stagecoach this morning, and didnt even mention her recital AT ALL!! Not even to say well done, she didnt say anything neither did I
He did however make a big fuss of leving DD2 and how much he misses them - ARSE he misses them when it suits him!!
I asked him if he wants to swap sundays as DD1 has a party this sunday (his) and it is Fathers Day next sunday (mine) - he said he would see .....FUCKING ARSE ...see what see what!!!!

lostinthecitylover Sat 06-Jun-09 19:15:36

sounds similar to mine macdoodle - he has rarely been to watch ds1 play football (he plays for a team) and on the night he has them after work (at mine) he constantly rings me to ask what time I 'll be back (am lucky if I leave work half an hour later than normal) and makes no secret of the fact he is desperate to leave. How can that feel to the DCs when fathers behave like that!!

Most visits by DCs to him and his new DP seem to somehow end badly with him ranting on at me about them saying what horrible children they are (in front of them) and with DS1 in a mood.

The other week I collected them from a park and DS1 was sitting at the top of one of those rope structures refusing to come down cos he was upset with exh.

I really want to move past that hate stage to indifference but like you it is hard with that sort of behaviour.

What was he like with them when you were together?

What is his 'public persona' like?

macdoodle Sun 07-Jun-09 10:06:02

He was probably worse when we were together as I did everything and sort of forced him into spending time with us He does probably spend more time one on one with them now, but he just acts like its a massive chore and yes like he cant get rid of them quick enough!
he does the same phoning me at work every 10mins when he has them asking when I will be home angry
I guess when we were together it was easier to cover for him and make excuses which I am no longer prepared to do so his faults as a parent are now so much more obvious!
His public persona is very much the charming helpful, hurt XH whose nasty wife wont let him see his beloved DC, he neglects to mention all the times he has let me and them down or treated us all like shit!

His latest (coming very much from OW I suspect) is that DD1 is greedy and fat - she is a very active 7 yr old, she has a but ov puppy fat but is not large by any stretch, told him if he even mentioned anything close to that to her I would see him in court!

God I have facilitated, been reasonable, done everything I can and he still acts like he is hard done by and doing a massive favour by spending time with his DC!! I have told him it is a privilege, not a right or a chore or a favour to me, but he is just a SELFISH ARSE, always was always will be

DP says its better that she realises what he is like, but it is heartbreaking to watch

lostinthecitylover Sun 07-Jun-09 13:03:07

omg we also have similar re the fat thing with DS1 - driven also it seems by ex H new p.

Comments have been made about his weight, what he has eaten the night before, what is in his packed lunch box, how active has he been.

Yes he is chunky and solid and probably overweight but I think the way to tackle it is not to make him feel shit about himself _ his anxiety is manifesting itself in various ways atm.

Exh's new p seems obsessed with 'healthy eating' to the point of it being extreme.

What is your prof assessment of your dd (you are health professional?) - do you think she will shoot up and lose the 'puppy fat'.

My feeling that their attitude and comments towards ds1 (and your exh comments to your dd) are bordering on abuse.

How would you deal with this legally - I'm interested.

lostinthecitylover Sun 07-Jun-09 13:04:39

PS I do think that criticisms of dcs by these ex partners is just another attempt to exert control and to try to make resident parent doubt their parenting and another way that they try to make us feel like shit.

macdoodle Sun 07-Jun-09 14:12:12

Oh Lost these men are all the same - its like they have a manual!
Yes I have posted before about my XH and DD1 - and yes I think it is EA (he was and is EA to me but losing control of me has just made him move onto DD1 )

Yes his new OH/OW seems obsessed with healthy eating to the extreme - she is very thin and I am overweight, when they were having their affair she made a great deal of how thin she was compared to me (as did XH), and yes I think it is a way to undermine me!!

Medically I have NO concerns at all about DD1 - she is on 98th% for height and weight (and has been since birth) and yes like your DS is what you would call "solid", but she eats healthy 95% of the time, is very active, does loads of sports and is happy and healthy, any "fat" she has is puppy fat and am sure she will lose it
He knows my weight is one of my biggest insecurities and he has always used it against me,am sure he feels like making an issue of it with DD1 will make me feel bad But I was never fat before I had children!

Legally, well I have spoken to DD1 in a roundabout way, she seems okish, though I suspect would prefer more time with XH by herself without OW and her DD (though she is hald sister to mine)!
If I thought it was affecting her in any way or OW was making her feel bad or sad, I would be straight onto my solicitor for restricting access

But it is so very hard, we try to maintain a relationship with their fathers and they seem to make very little effort at all

lostinthecitylover Sun 07-Jun-09 16:44:32

yes I am overweight too although I do cycle to work some of the time and have worked hard to overcome negative body issues brought about by his constant criticism and witholding of anything physical for the most part of the relationship.

Has also made snide remarks about one ds taking after his side of the family and ds2 (sorry meant ds2 earlier) taking after my side.

Also ds2 is like me and v close to me - perhaps that also gets to him. Hadn't thought about it in the way of not being able to control us so they start on them.

Exhs new p is not particularly slim though clearly obsessed with food and healthy eating. Had to chuckle though cos dcs have nicknamed her 'big bum new p ' tho of course they've only said it to me.

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