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would you be annoyed/upset with this... or is it just me?

(11 Posts)
shoptilidrop Wed 03-Jun-09 19:02:20

I had my first solictiors appt today. They are apparently the best familt law firm in the area.
Im claiming legal aid.
We spoke about the divorce. Didnt want to know about contact agreements or child maintaince payments. Just said i had to muddle through it myself and if ex takes me to court, which is unlikely then it will be dealt with then.
He made a couple of comments which really upset/annoyed me, but im not sure if its just me, or if i should ask to see another solicitor at the practice.
He didnt check any of my documents, but did tell me off that i hadnt printed the legal aid calculator thing off.. which noone had told me i had to do.. it was my first appt.
He told me that as i hadnt been married very long ( 8 years) basically id get peanuts and i should be pleased as im only 30.
He asked if ex is likely to dispute anything, i said that yes, he probably would ( as thats the sort of person he was). He asked about the affair and i said, other than facebook ( which cant really be solid evidence) i couldnt proof it, informed him that ex and the girl he had affair with are both under investigation and have been suspended from amy cadets ( where they both volunteer) as i wrote a letter to the army cadets about it. The solicitor said that that was silly of me and i shouldnt have dobbed him in and that it will come back to bite me!!!! Right... so the affair he had wont come back to bite him then???
I asked about money.. ex promised money for the deposit of my new rented house. Last week he told me he wasnt going to give me any of it now as he hadnt meant it. The solicitor said there was nothing he could do about that.
I came out of there really upset. I am upset. it just feels that he gets to walk out of this scott free, and im left with nothing, plus all the responsibility. It feels like ive totally wasted 10 years for nothing. And it hurts so much.
Im probably just being emotional..... and im sorry if noone of this makes any sense.

Janos Wed 03-Jun-09 19:13:14

Get another solicitor.

He is acting like a bully. And although I'm not an expert my any means I'm pretty sure at least some of his advice to you is just plain wrong!!

Of course you want impartial advice and not someone who just tells what you want to hear but his comments go beyond that. He was extremely rude and I'm not surprised you were upset.

Hopefully someone who has more knowledge than me will be along shortly to give some more advice.

Janos Wed 03-Jun-09 19:13:44

'by any means!' is what I meant to say.

curlygal Wed 03-Jun-09 19:41:09

Yes, definitely get another solicitor

How did you find this one? Is there another family lawyer in this firm? Not sure why he wouldn;t discuss contact or maintenance - surely that is part of the divorce advice you are paying him for? or can you ask for it to be if you need that help or is that just not covered by legal aid? Sorry I don;t know.

How you were to know to print off the legal aid stuff is beyond me. I would have though that the solicitor woudl provide that at the first meeting and that you would discuss the current position and what you wanted to achieve - ie what grounds for divorce etc. Comment re your letter to army v odd - not for him to comment - is done now so why criticise you for it? Surely you need some evidence if you are doing a fualts divorce?

Some of the things he said to you are unacceptable in my opinion.

Not married long? if you are 30 and have been married for eight years that is long, how much longer could you have been married for at your age? Not to mention saying you are lucky to only be 30 - what so you can get another husband as you are not old and past it? angry (or am I reading too much into it)

Would the CAB be able to give you a list of other solicitors. I would feel uncomfortable dealing with this man if I were you - he sounds unprofessional to me.

Sorry you had such a bad experience - not what you need right now sad

kate1956 Wed 03-Jun-09 22:08:08

A marriage of 8 years with children is counted legally as a long marriage - I agree with the others - get another solicitor one who you feel comfortable with.

OrangeFish Wed 03-Jun-09 22:17:06

Get a solicitor you feel comfortable with. Things are already difficult enough as to have a person making you feel miserable about the thing.

What you get and what you don't is a very tricky business that depends on a huge quantity of factors. It is difficult to say what you could get at this stage.

aseriouslyblondemoment Wed 03-Jun-09 22:44:41

hi shop
am just having a mn nosey before bed
i promise you i will post tomorrow for you
please stay calm you will get thru this
hope you have a good night's sleep x

tigerlili Thu 04-Jun-09 08:39:08

Hi shop,
i agree with everyone else, get another solicitor!8 years i believe does count as a long marriage!
Well done for writing to cadets, very brave.
Must admit i am toying with the idea of sending a letter to the school my ex's now gf was mistress works at. as would have thought having an affair with your teacher as a teacher assistant may count as professional misconduct.

((((((((((((())))))))))))))))) hugs it will get better honest!

tigerlili

cestlavielife Thu 04-Jun-09 10:42:23

yes get another solicitor. you need one you feel gets your situation and who you feel comfortable with.

aseriouslyblondemoment Thu 04-Jun-09 11:32:47

tbh i'm absolutely amazed by the attitude of this solicitor
i would immediately go and find another one,and if poss.go on the recommendations of friends who have been thru a similar thing this is what i did
you are entitled to something and not just peanuts either
true your exh cannot be compelled to give you that deposit if it's not written down as part of a consent order
what you need here is sensible,helpful advice not discouraging remarks like this
please don't despair you will get thru this i promise you

ninah Thu 04-Jun-09 16:42:55

I would agree with everyone who advises change solicitor, this person is supposed to be working on your behalf, you are the client. As for 'best in area' I had similar (diff issues, gen incompetence, and not family law) bad service from a firm with the 'best' reputation here, the partner in question was really not up to it - find someone who you can deal with, phone around.

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