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newbie questions - please help! thank you

(13 Posts)
northlondonmumma Fri 29-May-09 16:49:50

Hi everyone

I am newly single. After rocky last couple of years with my now xp - he was verbally and emotionally abusive, financially a leach and generally pretty unsupportive to me.

I actually feel very positive about this. I asked him to leave. I thought it was much better for me and the 2 kids -(baby and toddler) as his behavior was getting worse and didnt want kids witnessing it. I feel the happiest I have been for a long time (though I am sure will have some ups and downs, esp re visits to kids ..)

I dont know ANY other single mums though. Loads of my middle class mum friends are a bit sniffy about the single mum thing. Not sure why but...Anyway can anyone recommend any groups to join around the London area or other groups just to get to meet other people in same situation.

Thanks so much xx

curlygal Fri 29-May-09 19:07:08

Hi Mumma

I could've written your post as your situation v similar to mine (although I only have one DS).

My friends are all v middle class and smug married types and I don;t know any other single parents (apart from the ones on he lone parents bit here)

I am from Edinburgh so not able to suggest any groups in London (or in Edinburgh actually)

There is a website that offers single parent holidays and meet ups. I am working up courage to get invloved as really need to meet some like minded friends. www.singlewithkids.co.uk/

gingerbread operates in England so you should be able to find a group through them

www.gingerbread.org.uk/portal/page/portal/Website

Good luck

Overmydeadbody Fri 29-May-09 19:12:58

Well done first of all, you are doing the right thing and good on you for being so positive. Your post sounds just like my situation about four years ago when I first became single.

I can't really help with where to meet other single mums, I have to say all my friends are either childless and unmarried or they are middle class mum friends with husbands and children and houses. They are not stuffy at all though and I have never felt judged by them for being a single parent, I think how other people treat you and percieve single parenthood very much depends on your own attitude. If you are positive and happy and obviously coping on your own then they should have no reason to judge.

Good luck.

Some people recommend Gingerbread. I have never tried it.

Jux Fri 29-May-09 19:19:16

I'm not a single mum but I'm not sniffy about single mums; I stand in awe of single mums, have no idea how you manage.

northlondonmumma Fri 29-May-09 22:33:32

hey thanks for the positive posts. I dont mean to malign a number of my friends. The really good friends knew how bad my relationship became and are pleased I got out and v supportive. I guess its just the people around the edges who I dont know so well cant face telling. I am worried they will pity for me - and dont want that. Also heard a few comments in the past from some like "how awful for a child to grow up without his mum and dad in the same house"...hmmm

ps hate to say it but my experience is that looking after the kids without a lump on the sofa constantly berating me is sooo much easier

pps will try gingerbread. that looks good. everytime i google singe mum or something like that is just a load of dating sites appear. I am more looking for meeting other people in my situation to chat to, meet up with kids and do stuff with like free museums, etc - NO dancing around handbags - well not for a while anyway!!

x

Jux Sat 30-May-09 15:09:55

I suspect that people who wander round saying "how awful for a child to grow up without his mum and dad in the same house" are either trying to justify staying in a crap relationship or are utterly stupid. Either way, don't worry about them. There are far more important things/people to worry about.

Good on you. Good luck. Oh welcome to MN.

simpson Sat 30-May-09 15:19:59

northlondonmumma - are you me?? grin

Am also newly single with 2 Dcs and asked H to go as I had had enough.

It is the best thing I have done and feel much happier (although has has only been gone 3wks but don't think things will change)

Am also in London BTW.

Niceguy2 Sun 31-May-09 09:06:11

Hi welcome to the group.

Wheen i first became a single parent, i didn't know any single mums, let alone single dads!

But you know what, you might be the only one now, give it a few years and I guarantee you won't be the only one in your peer group. Sign of the times i'm afraid. See yourself getting out first.

As for other groups, there are plenty of sites out there, some arrange meets too. Google phrases like single parent support.

welcome again

Janos Sun 31-May-09 14:35:48

northlondonmumma have you tried posting in the meetups section and joining local msn?

It is hard and you feel pretty isolated sometimes. But it's worth persevering.

aseriouslyblondemoment Sun 31-May-09 15:05:33

yeah there is mums net local
or is it worth asking your HV for details of any groups?
there's always the NCT
i did find that a useful starting point when my dc were v young and we'd recently moved too

chattysoul Sun 31-May-09 18:23:40

Like people say there is always singlewithkids.co.uk which is very handy and then you can try netmums. I haven't had much success with netmums myself although I have made one nice friend out of it.

you could always visit a local womens centre for social groups.

I have to say I have found the Gingerbread a thoroughly demoralising experience, sitting around in a circle moaning about men isn't my thing and most of them were depressing company with far too many issues. Of course this may not be other people's experience but I tried this in two neighbourhoods and know it from oher people in other neighbourhoods too.

chattysoul x

northlondonmumma Sun 31-May-09 21:57:33

Thanks for all the welcomes. Also cheers for heads up re Gingerbread maybe being a bit whingey about guys. Yep, agree that's not my thing. I spent long enough in a relationship that went bad analysing it so no longer interested in talking about it (well cd do with 5% moaning but the rest of time talking about much more interesting stuff, umm lets see like the new series of private practice, army wives....ok need to crank up social skills and start reading sunday papers and novels again rather than watching crap telly!).

I agree niceguy2 its only a matter of time before other friends relationships break down too (with this 1/3 ratio of divorce /separation) and my single parent friendship group grows organically. Sad though it may be, that's life. I am not really a group kind of person - usually meet people through kids activities or at park - but though might be good to explore the possibilities but will do so with trepidation...

simpsom - me 3 (blissful) weeks too - what a coincidence!!

Janos Sun 31-May-09 22:02:31

I've just read back and realised I said local msn when I meant mumsnet local! Shouldn't type and run.

Do try netmums as well.

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