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Ive just done something really stupid

(43 Posts)
fairyfly Thu 05-May-05 18:53:34

I was on the phone to my x. I was complaining i couldn't afford simple things for my kids and i really needed a few days off to get some things done. He replied that i if i didn't spend all my time "fucking" i would have lots of time to get my chores done. Also then he told me he was buying a car and had just past his test. I honestly dont need to hear that when i have no money.

Anyhow i hung up, rang up a friend of his family, who is reasonable, who has kids and hysterically screamed down the phone that i have put up with it for two years now quietly. That everyone has to be aware how he is not taking on any responsibility, that he is abusive. I totally ranted. I have not spoken to the woman since he left, I then said how i have never heard from anyone in all this time and i think it is disgusting i have been left to raise two children they all supposedly love all by myself without any outside concern.
All she could say was, errr i dont know what to say. I screamed well now you have prior warning that if i stop all access you know why. I got no feedback from her, she just said, oh dear. I now feel like a complete tosspot.

motherinferior Thu 05-May-05 18:59:45

Oh, my love.

Actually - OK so I am not exactly Missis Sensible about this sort of thing - I can completely understand why you did it, and actually I think his f*cking family and their circle might as well realise what a tosser he is.

He is a total arse, he's wound you up, and quite honestly I think it's also better that you lost it to her than did anything in regard to him.

Twiglett Thu 05-May-05 18:59:53

phone her back and apologise and say you were upset but really didn't mean to vent on her

she will still be left with the impression that he is an asshole but won't think you are deranged too

sorry FF, sounds like a horrible situation

motherinferior Thu 05-May-05 19:01:02

PS I bet he isn't getting a car, you know what a total fantasist he is - remember when he showed off about being a Great Journo when (a) he was being the unpaid office boy (b) anyone literate on MN (which is pretty well all of us) read his amazingly crap letter to you and just roared?

He isn't an arse, he is a PILE.

WideWebWitch Thu 05-May-05 19:01:10

I agree with MI. God, he's a tosser isn't he. And the c word but I won't post that here.

motherinferior Thu 05-May-05 19:02:02

Personally I wouldn't ring her back now, but might send card of impeccably well-written and possibly witty nature.

Twiglett Thu 05-May-05 19:03:59

I think a card would be a good idea too -- but still think a phone call is in order, especially as she is a 'reasonable' person with kids of her own ..wasn't really fair to put her in the middle of it (unless I don't understand her relationship to x)

Twiglett Thu 05-May-05 19:04:21

a card won't reach her until at least saturday

fairyfly Thu 05-May-05 19:05:59

I may have just rang her and said, i am going to show you now why he left me, i am completly unbalanced, hysterical, out of control and in need of a mental health nurse. I will ring her back in half an hour. I am still furious with that toad, i wrok so hard while he flounces about and then accuses me of spending my time in bed. I know i shouldn't rise to it but it is infuriating. i was genuinly asking for some help and time out, so i can carry on next week as a better mum.

fairyfly Thu 05-May-05 19:09:18

oh yes mi, also apparently he is launching a magazine of his poetry nest week. I asked if it was a collection of works from different authors, but oh no, that wouldn't do, it is entirely dedicated to him. So anyone living in the chester area look out for it. I am sure it will be full of poems such as my batman suit is at the dry cleaners and i was supposed to be up a tower, woe is me

sunchowder Thu 05-May-05 19:10:12

Sorry FF....

Caligula Thu 05-May-05 19:23:54

I think Twiglett's advice is good. Any particular reason why you phoned this woman FF? Does she have/ had a specific relationship with your kids/ you two as a couple, which would put her in the firing line?

I've often felt like ringing up supposed friends who've completely abandoned me since I've become a single parent. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Caligula Thu 05-May-05 19:24:55

And next time he wants to arrange anything with you, tell him you'll be too busy f****.

Drizzle Thu 05-May-05 19:29:31

It's not your fault, ,they drive you to it. He sounds like a complete arse (sorry) I wanted to use the C word

fairyfly Thu 05-May-05 19:31:03

I rang her because she loves my children, looks out for my x, i feel totally dissapointed by her though.
I wouldn't ring his family as they hate me, i have more of a chance of not getting abuse off her.

I rang back and apologised, i said i was having a bad day of feeling overwhelmed with my children but i would be fine tomorrow and carry on as i do. Tbh i thought she would be more helpful if she knew i was struggling and try and get my x to see sense. When i rang back she said it is ok, i wish i could think of a solution but i cant. I just feel so bloody alone sometimes and i was under the impression they should be an extra network of people encouraging healthy relationships for my boys. I think i live in a fantasy world sometimes, anyhow i have pulled myself back down. Im never going to sort this out, im just saddened by it all at the moment.

Drizzle Thu 05-May-05 19:33:32

No you don't live ina fantasy world that is ho it should be.

My dd's paternal grandparent are perfectly normal, intelligent people until it comes to there son... bizarre

motherinferior Thu 05-May-05 19:35:17

PLEASE get hold of that magazine, FF, it will cheer you up especially when we've ALL had a larf.

fairyfly Thu 05-May-05 19:51:49

i just got a text saying get your mum to have them, i feel like ripping his head off, she is having radiotherapy

bundle Thu 05-May-05 19:52:33

tell him they're not allowed in the radiotherapy suite due to potential radiation poisoning...

bundle Thu 05-May-05 19:52:46

tosser

Drizzle Thu 05-May-05 19:53:56

tell him to go to hell and he needn't think that you rely on him.

Got a mate who can take them for a bit?

WideWebWitch Thu 05-May-05 19:58:08

Ff, do you have any friends who are lone parents? I ask because I wonder whether you could set up some kind of reciprocal arrangement where you have their children sometimes for an hour or 2 and vice versa. Sorry if this is a pants suggestion but it seems to me you need a break and that wanker isn't going to give you one because he's a wanker so no point in asking him. Wanker.

fairyfly Thu 05-May-05 19:59:59

Yep i have sorted a day off. It will be fine. It is just the lengths you have to go through.

I dont really want to go on believe it or not on mn but my mum has just told me i expect to much from men and now i am sitting here crying. I have been treated like dirt off them.

Drizzle Thu 05-May-05 20:02:05

So what if you have high expectations, you want the best for yourself - there's nothing wrong with that.

On a seperate note from what I have seen of your posts you never come across like you expect to much

fairyfly Thu 05-May-05 20:04:54

i expect sod all and usually get it

ive just got a lecture i really didn't need, ive just got to remember love is all that matters and i must love everyone. embrace my x's faults and realise i am not perfect, lower my standards and then ask god to sort out my life

never speak to my mother when your angry with someone, guilt trips ahoy

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