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Coping with exhaustion. - how do you do it?

(13 Posts)
poshsinglemum Sun 17-May-09 17:00:23

Hi there,
DD is 10.5 months old and I feel like I have hit a wall of exhaustion. She's at that age where she's into everything and pulling her up on the furniture so I do need to be on the ball but all I want to do is go to bed.I also think she's quite spirited.
I don't think that my diet helps as I am breastfeeding and eat too much cake. I have had an urge to eat cake since my dd was born.

My parents dote on dd and I really don't know what I would do without them as dd's dad buggered off when I was pregnant. Sometimes though I feel a bit resentful towards them. I know I'm being ungrateful because it isn't their job but they have changed three nappies and babysat twice in ten months. I wouldn't mind so much if they weren't in the habit of saying dd is tired, dd is wet, dd needs a a bath and then watching me struggle to rectify the situation.

Also my dad thinks that I should remain cool, calm and collected at all times. If I get distressed he gets really angry with me and tells me that I need to be strong for dd.
He got really angry with me
because I was upset that I had to inject myself with a drug and I didn't know how. If I ever say that I'm finding it hard he says but d dis so well behaved. She is but I'm still bloody exhausted.
I feel really ungrateful as they have helped in so many other ways and are taking us on holiday next week which I am so grateful for. I don't believe that the grandparents should do the practicle stuff really a sthey have had their turn with me.

I don't think I am depressed and i love dd and being a mum but I think that I am emotionally and physically exhausted. Can anyone relate to this and if so, what do you do?

Lots of you are probably doing really well without the help of your parents and family. So how do you succeed in being a single mum and keep yourself in good shape so you can enjoy your dc?

poshsinglemum Sun 17-May-09 17:02:18

Sorry- that should read a drug I had to take two days after my c-section in orxder to stop the blood from clotting. I was still reeling from the operation and becoming a mum.

bargainhuntingbetty Sun 17-May-09 17:10:03

dont have any advicce but dont want this to go unanswered so bumping for you

Noonki Sun 17-May-09 17:26:22

poshsinglemum - I am in a different situation as Iam not single but I do have ME (chronic fatigue) and have 2 DCs 18 months apart in age and DH is often away for a week at a time...

not the same I know but because of the ME I have had to come up with some coping strategies

1. Ask for help...let your parents know how tired you are and ask if they could maybe take her to park so you can have a sleep. Or friends, people are often chuffed to be asked.

2. Make life as easy as possible by being as organised as possible:

decide what food you are going to have all week and write it up then you dont have to

sort out toys so that she plays with something that it goes away so less tidying up

relax on the housework..til she gets older

3. `go to bed really early twice a week (like 8pm)...boring but amazing/.

4. get you dd to learn to play by herself.

hope it gets easier smile

poshsinglemum Sun 17-May-09 17:35:04

Hi Noonki- Some really good ideas here. I may try the going to bed early strategy rather than the usual flopping in front of tv.

I also co-sleep- I'm sure that contributes.

Nighbynight Sun 17-May-09 17:54:12

poshsinglemum -
10,5 months is a pretty exhausting age. Do you sleep well at night? would it be time to move dd into her own bed?
could you get a bed for her and put it next to yours?
If she wont move to her own bed now, she might be more willing in a couple of months. But my children averaged 2 years, I have to say.

I am frequently physically and emotionally exhausted (single mum of 4). For example, today I have done nothing and spent far too long on the computer. House is a tip, children are watching telly. We have just had a cracker of a stressful week, attacked from 2 sides at once and average 6 hours sleep per night.

Exercise makes me feel better. I go out running sometimes.
Also second noonki's coping suggestions.

shoptilidrop Sun 17-May-09 18:03:20

i cant really give you any tips im afraid. But i can symthaise with you. Im on my own with a 3 year old. I also work and its just exhausting. The same thing day in day out with no break ever it seems.
I understand how you feel resentful towards grandparents. My family do help out a bit more than yours to be fair, but its not enought to make a difference and then you have to be eternally greatful to them and its horrible asking for help.
I go to bed early and sleep as much as i can. Housework is done regulary but not to the standards i would like and if i cant get something done i try not to be too tough on myself about it.
Ive no idea about managing a social life though as i have noone, and dont see how i would fit one in.

Nighbynight Sun 17-May-09 20:46:47

god yes, shop, I have had the feeling grateful thing too...

Janos Mon 18-May-09 09:04:47

Is is really hard poshsinglemum - I'm on my own with 4 year old DS and work. I do understand what you mean about your parents - you just want someone acknowledge it and say yes, it is hard and you must be shattered.

I notice you mentioned your dad a lot. Is your mum a bit more sympathetic?

It could be they are not that good with babies but will come into their own when DD gets older.

Anyway, coping strategies:- I second Noonki's advice about going to bed very early. This really does help.

Organisation is a good plan too. It makes things much easier to deal with. Plan out meals, id DD goes to nursery sort out an outfit for her the night before. If she needs to take stuff in put it all in a bag the night before and put it by the door so it's just there and you don't have to think about it.

Another tip if you have internet access - online grocery shopping! It's a complete life saver for me as I don't drive and live in a 3rd floor flat.

Janos Mon 18-May-09 09:07:28

Definitely don't worry about the eating cake! If you are BF and it helps, so what if it's otherwise healthy.

I think getting some time on your own for some recharging is very important although not always possible I know. Do you get any at all?

Janos Mon 18-May-09 09:08:11

I meant if your diet is otherwise healthy...early today and I've only had one cup of tea!

icedgemsrock Fri 22-May-09 18:51:28

Hi Posh
i co-slept with my ds until just a few weeks ago. I loved it and never thought i would stop but he started waking up every hour so it was time to move him into his cot
he sleeps loads better now and consequently i feel loads better. i think you don't realised how tired you really are till you get a bit more sleep and feel great!
So maybe try her in a cot. Also I would appreciate any help you get i have no help at all!!!

chattysoul Sun 07-Jun-09 07:57:09

I can vividly remember the exhaustion, but I was a bit lucky by 11 months I began putting my son in part-time childminder care, two streets away. That way I could get some much needed recuperation and me time plus do chores/shopping uninterrupted etc.

I now look back on those days as the good old days as I am now no longer financially abundant, surviving barely on a low pay part-time income thanks to the recession and feeling exhausted quite a lot of the time even though my son is now 4!

Perhaps two small mornings a week at a childminder might help? They charge anything from £3 upwards depending on location. Get one really nearby. Make sure they have had their own children, I think that helps.

Of course it depends on income, good luck anyhow! I also swear by Vogels echinacea for both me and my son, it fights off all manner of ills!

Good luck.

Chattysoul

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