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DD and contact with ex's new partner

(10 Posts)
nancysgirl Sat 30-Apr-05 20:39:03

I will try to be brief with this cos I could go on all night once I have the bit between my teeth but I am hoping someone will be able to help me see the wood for the trees!!
H and I split up 9 months ago after his affairs and general abusive behaviuor. I asked him to leave and he did-no quibbles.
At first he had no overnight contact with our DD, nearly 4 as he refused to say where he was taking her. After many months of hassle this was settled and he has had dd overnight about once a week since Jan.
DD has been constantly talking about daddy's friend. He says he doesn't have one-we're talking a female who dd says she sees with daddy. I don't care who he ses from my personal point of view but feel I have a right to know if dd is regularly seeing this friend and what is her role in dd's life but ex says there is no-one.
However last week I received a number of abusive calls from a woman claiming to be ex's partner who said, amongst other things, that she had had dd for the weekend.
I stopped overnight contact immediately until he clarified the situation, which he did(via a solicitor's letter), saying he had a brief relationship with this woman, but that they have never lived together and that she has never even met dd, let alone cared for her.. He said he had finished with her due to her phone calls to me. So, with trepidation I agreed to restart contact overnight.
Today dd saw him for a few hours. She came back and immediately said she had been shopping with daddy and this woman and that she had to sit in the back of the car because "X" was in the front next to daddy. So I guess he has lied. He says dd is making it up. He has a track record of being a compulsive liar.
I honestly don't care who he sees but how dare he drag dd into it all. This woman is clearly mad and I am extremely concerned about dd having any contact with her. I feel completely duped and so stupid-they must be laughing their heads off at how gullible I am. I have never believed the story but just do not know what I can do about it.
Has anyone any ideas??

Caligula Sat 30-Apr-05 20:43:21

I wouldn't send my child to be in the company of someone who is mad enough to indulge in abusive phone calls. You just never know, she might be mad enough to abuse your child - if she's that hostile to you, her hostility may well transfer itself to your DD. Maybe that's a very extreme view, but people who do abusive phone calls to people they've never met are simply not the full shilling, and I wouldn't want them to have any supervisory role in my child's life at all. In your situation, I'd stop the contact until I had a guarantee that the woman was never going to be in sole charge of my child.

Caligula Sat 30-Apr-05 20:43:52

And if she calls you again, report her to the police. You shouldn't have to put up with this type of harassment.

tammybear Sat 30-Apr-05 21:06:24

agree with caguila, if she calls again, call the police. when she rang, was it withheld or had a number? maybe you can have these dates and times written down, so you know when she rang. and definetly stop contact. if he cannot be straight with you in regards to this woman, then he cannot be trusted, even if it is just about saying hes not with this woman. my dad was with a woman for 6 years after my parents seperated, and never admitted it to my mum as he was afraid of what shed think, but me and my brothers met her so it made no difference really cos we were telling my mum anyhow!

nancysgirl Sat 30-Apr-05 23:27:16

Caligula-I don't know how I can get a guarantee that she would never be in sole charge of my child. He's already said she won't be in a solicitor's letter, but I don't believe it. It's just his word isn't it? He also said he wasn't with her anymore and DD would have no contact with her and if dd is right, then he hasn't stuck to that for even 24 hours. He said dd was lying! God she's not even 4 yet-why would she make up something like that AND get the name right?

nancysgirl Sun 01-May-05 22:04:47

Hellooooo! antone out there??????
Quietly going mad with worry. Any advice anyone????

Caligula Sun 01-May-05 22:32:04

NG, I think you need to see your solicitor again and talk this through with him or her.

Also, have you spoken to One Parent Families helpline? They are really good on stuff like this - it's worth giving them a call.

nancysgirl Sun 01-May-05 22:41:22

Didn't know there was a help line-do you have the number? Would be very grateful-am going bonkers!

Loobie Mon 02-May-05 09:49:22

Can you not insist he sees her in a contact centre then you can guarantee that it will only be him who she is for the phone calls get a bar on her number or change your number altogether its free if you are recieving abusive phone calls.

motherofboys Mon 02-May-05 10:25:25

Stop contact - keep a diary of events and when he complains tell him to file for contact through the Courts.

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