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how do you 'announce' to people that you're a........SINGLE PARENT.....

(69 Posts)
livvysmum Sun 24-Apr-05 15:54:55

have been friendly with some mums in a mums and toddler group i go to on a weekly basis, was getting to know one quite well and felt it was time to let out my secret, that i am indeed a single mum, she seemed a little uncomfortable with it and visibley backed off. it didn't make me feel good. i don't tell everyone that i'm on my own as i feel that 'yummy mummies' tend to have negative ideas about single mums.(please correct me if i'm wrong any ym's out there) i have a beautiful dd and she is developing just fine, we're happy, but i can't help but feel a small pang of shame for my situation. how do other single parents hold thier chin up, should i tell people about my situation or just leave it. i feel awkward when they talk about thier dh's.

Bugsy2 Sun 24-Apr-05 16:00:24

Awwwwww, libbysmum - such a shame that your new friend backed off. I'm a single mum (and a decidedly yummy mummy, even if I have to say so myself) - the only one I know in my son's class at school or in my daughter's class at nursery.
However, I don't give a monkey's and certainly wouldn't bother telling anyone unless I felt I had a particularly entertaining dating story to tell them!!!
You know that most of the mums with partners on here regularly take their hats off to the single mums - so be damn proud of yourself, hold your head high & apologise to no-one.

Twiglett Sun 24-Apr-05 16:03:47

I'm not yummy but I am a mummy with a partner

couldn't give a rat's backside whether or not other people have a partner, although my day to day is life is probably far easier than yours purely because he comes home from work and takes over

Rather than feeling shame, you feel smug and superior, you are raising a beautiful DD who is developing just fine and is happy all on your own - so its all down to you. Good on you

(what a totally weird reaction)

livvysmum Sun 24-Apr-05 16:04:11

thanks bugsy2, that makes me feel better, need to find my single mum guts, just feel a bit beaten down by it all i suppose. anyway plenty new friends still to meet.

Twiglett Sun 24-Apr-05 16:05:00

you SHOULD feel smug and superior

livvysmum Sun 24-Apr-05 16:05:17

cheers twiglett

Chandra Sun 24-Apr-05 16:09:04

how do you 'announce' to people that you're a........SINGLE PARENT..... ?

Well I am a "married parent" and I have never feel the need to "announce" my marital status. I think that being a single parent it's nothing to be ashamed of. I believe that most people don't really make a diference between single and married parents with the exception of having a lot of respect for mothers that cope on their own.
So chin up, is nothing to be embarrased of

fairyfly Sun 24-Apr-05 16:09:43

i think you would be suprised about how many people would be jealous. We have freedom, independance, and sex with young men

Libb Sun 24-Apr-05 16:10:14

Please don't feel beaten down by it, I am a single mum too and thankfully haven't met anyone who has balked at the idea. She was obviously far too opinionated to see your brilliance!

Libb Sun 24-Apr-05 16:11:33

I don't have a young man FF . . . where is mine?

fairyfly Sun 24-Apr-05 16:13:21

I'm keeping him warm for you

Libb Sun 24-Apr-05 16:21:17

you thieving little tike!

(Sorry livvysmum, don't mean to mess around on your thread xxx)

livvysmum Sun 24-Apr-05 16:27:10

lol libb and ff,
thanks every one, i guess her reaction was not typical. knew i'd find support here.

snafu Sun 24-Apr-05 16:40:22

Blimey, speak for yourself ff

Do know what you mean, livvysmum. I met a really lovely mum the other day and I thought we were having a good chat and laugh together. At one point I was saying how shattered I was after being up with ds for ages in the middle of the night. She asked me something about whether ds's dad will get up in the night for him. I said that no he didn't, as ds's father and I are separated. The look she gave me was an absolute classic mixture of 'Oh dear. A single mother' and 'Oh, you poor, poor thing.'

And as she drove off in her enormous blue BMW, I figured that maybe we didn't have quite as much in common as I first thought anyway

Pinotmum Sun 24-Apr-05 16:58:12

How weird! It doesn't matter to me who's married, single whatever. A mother I used to talk to at dd's playgroup, a couple of years ago, was single and would sometimes bring her gorg toy boy along to pick up her dd. I have great respect for the job single mums do.

chipmonkey Sun 24-Apr-05 16:59:03

OMG in this day and age you don't have to apologise for yourself, surely. Shame on that other mum.

Tinker Sun 24-Apr-05 17:05:12

I do know thh feeling livvysmum. Was a single mum for 5 years and could always sense when I had to "break teh news" No bad reactions though (not that I noticed, anyway). If anyone made a comment assuming I had a partner I would just say "Oh no, I'm on my own" with a breezy smile. If they feel uncomfortable, it's their problem. Be proud, you're doing a grand job.

prettyfly1 Sun 24-Apr-05 18:09:52

something to remind yourself and anyone else if you feel they need it - there but for the grace of god go I............ Even the best relationships break down and there aint no shame in it!!! We do a good job so hold your head up and be proud

ggglimpopo Sun 24-Apr-05 18:15:37

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KristinaM Sun 24-Apr-05 18:16:19

Agree with Tinker - dont explain or look apologetic or embarassed. I used to just say "oh I'm on my own with the children" or "i'm bringing them up alone" or something like that. If I was asked for more information (which i didn't want to give) i would just roll my eyes and say "it's a LONG story" which is Kristina-speak for MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
Livvymuum - just remember you dont want to be friends with any silly cow who looks down on single parents

Miaou Sun 24-Apr-05 18:38:28

I must be totally naive - it would never occur to me that people would react negatively to someone being a single parent - livvysmum I am really shocked on your behalf!

Yes I am married, but I would never think twice about someone else's marital status, except possibly to think "good on you for doing it alone"! But as ggg says, it says a lot more about their insecurities than your position.

Hold your head up high and be proud - for every snooty "oh dear" mummy out there I bet there are ten mummies who react like us!

essbee Sun 24-Apr-05 18:45:50

Message withdrawn

nightowl Mon 25-Apr-05 02:11:50

bugger what anyone else thinks..they shouldnt be so smug as one day they may be a single parent too. i never announce it, i just drop it into the convo matter-of-factly when im asked anything about my partner. anybody who looks down on you for being a single parent is not worthy of your friendship anyway!

WideWebWitch Mon 25-Apr-05 07:24:00

Hi livvysmum, I'm not a single parent but I was for a while and I hate that backing off thing people sometimes seem to do. There seems to be a heirarchy of single parenthood too, being a)widowed (i.e. not your fault) b) Divorced (at least you were married once) c) Never married, in a relationship with the father (oh well, that's something) and d) Other, (Ooh, The Worst Type). I don't think this btw, just my observation from being a lone parent. I HATED that people decided that was my defining characteristic, it really, really pissed me off. I remember one woman visibly brightening when she realised I was divorced, as if it made me a better class of lone parent - she said "Oh, I didn't realise you were married" as if that made it all right then! Ignorant tossers the lot of them. I wouldn't be friends with people like this tbh. Don't feel shame! It's THEIR problem, not yours, but I just wanted to sympathise, I do know the feeling. I made friends with either other lone parents or married parents who weren't prejudiced. There are some, thankfully!

Mhamai Mon 25-Apr-05 08:35:54

Hi Livvysmum, as a fellow lone parent or lone ranger as I like to think of myself my insecurities started when I had my dd 18yrs ago, I was only 18 myself and wanted so badly to fit in that I spent nine yrs with someone to prevent what I percieved to be a stigma, not a wise move Four yrs ago I gave birth to my ds and for the first time in my life realised that its not so much other peoples views that have been my undoing, its my own put downs that thwarted me, so to wrap this up before it turns into a novel Hold your head up high girl, cause whoever is judging or labeling you today, will be doing it to someone else tomorrow as they have little going on in their own lives. You are your own best friend, the only person who will never leave you. Celibrate you and your dd

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