Not sure what to do about contact with violent, cheating ex...

[newlysinglemummy]

Exp was violent and smashed in my door so has not seen dd for 3months now. He eventually went to a solicitor to ask to see dd and my solicitor wrote back to say he can have supervised access only.

I had to go to court to gve evidence about him recently and he was found guilty on the charge of haressment.

When I was at court I found out that the night he was arrested after having come to my home to smash my door, he was arrested in the morning and there was a girl in his flat with him. I am so pissed off that at the time he was trying to get back with me and talking about marriage etc but all the time he had another girl in his life.

He cheated thoughtout the relationship including the time after dd had been born. And I just feel upset at the thought of him seeing dd and taking her off with him and whatever girl he has around at the time.

I dont know if I should let him see her or not. Uptill now I have wanted him to have a relationship with dd, but after hearing this I feel he cannot be trusted as he lied constantly to me about other girls. And I hate the though of dd staying over at his house in his bed where he sleeps with these other girls.

I really dont want to be with him but still feel very upset and hurt by his lies. And I feel that I am now a single mum who never has any time to myself while he is off living as a single guy. But saying that I would never swap places with him as I love my dd to bits.

God I hate him....

[solidgoldbrass]

I think the fact that he has sex with other people is irrelevant. He's a violent arsehole, why would you care who he sees (apart from to feel sorry for them). Be glad you don't have to see him or spend time with him any more.
Stick to supervised access ie he can see DD in a contact centre. He has been arrested,charged and convicted of violent offences, there is no way he will be allowed unsupervised access.

[newlysinglemummy]

I know the bit about other people is irrelevant but I just feel pissed off about it as it proves what a liar he is!!

So how long can the supervised access go on for? I thought they would only do that for a while and then move onto him having her overnight etc.

Also I am worried that if I do not let him see her he will take me to court and get parental responsibility. He is not on dd's birth certificate and I want it to stay that way as it will just give him more control...

[solidgoldbrass]

OK keep him off the birth cert. You can fight parental responsibility on the grounds of his violence. Get some legal advice and don't let him intimidate you with rubbish: he's a violent wanker who you don't need.

[newlysinglemummy]

Oh I didn't know you can fight parental responsibility, I have got a solicitor so will speak to her about it all. Gid this stuff is so stressful.

[solidgoldbrass]

OK not sure about fighting responsibility - do talk to your solicitor - basically bearing hin mind the violence it could be argued that he is seeking PR purely as a way of intimidating and harassing you and it is not in DDs best interests.

[newlysinglemummy]

well it is something to think about, I will defintly ask my solicitor as that is a worry as it would give him too much say over our lives if he does get it at any stage.

[mrsmortenharket]

hi nsm hows you today? did you manage to get appointment with sol? i agree with sgb, your x will use trying to seek pr as means of harrassment, keep contact diary too and put in it anytime you have anything from him. keep it in a file you use for sol's letters (i have had to do same) and it keeps it all in one place then

[cestlavielife]

sounds familiar! the door smashing - but not as far as i know the other women - in fact he is obsessed with me...to point of stalking..

ex has said in court hearings "i want PR" but judges so far have said - this is not being addressed at this point, wait for supervised contact and assessments.

besides he has to file a proper paper to apply for PR - not just say "I want it".

[newlysinglemummy]

mrsmortenharket - I have not got an appointment as yet, but will arrange one. Thanks for the tip on the contact diary, I think that would be a good idea.

I'm not too bad, I am just trying to get my life in order and make a solid future for me and dd. I am looking into what courses I can do. And need to find us somewhere to live.

cestlavielife - exp always seemed like he was obsesse with me as before dd was born I would often find him sitting outside my house when I went out for a night out, he would sometimes sit there for hours untill I was home. But this was probably becase he was cheating and thought I was doing the same.

[mrsmortenharket]

(((((()))))))
the stalking sounds all too familiar as well - friends used to tell me that they had seen him sitting not outside, but a little further up the road where he could still see my front door but that i wuoldn't be able to see him. have better sol now

nsm what courses would you like to do? if you on benefits open uni will help you study with them free of charge (as would any college, i think). i have just finished an openings course with them; openings courses are for anyone who isn't used to uni study and to help thenm get used to studying with ou. it does take self-discipline to study tho

[newlysinglemummy]

I have been looking into teaching and have applied for a preparing to teach course. I am just waiting for an interview now. If I get onto the course I would feel I am moving in the right direction.

[mrsmortenharket]

oh well done sweetheart congratulations xxx
you will be fine xxxxxxxx

[newlysinglemummy]

Thanks, I'm sure I will be fine, its just hard getting to that stage, and everytime I feel I'm getting on top of things something bad happens, but I know it will be ok in the end... xxx