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Advice Needed

8 replies

Daisy1979 · 19/03/2009 12:00

Hello All

I am new to here and write the following in a desperate attempt to make sense and move forward from recent events.

Background:

My Mother walked out on my Dad, Sister and I when I was 14. She went to live with a man she'd been having an affair with for ten years. My relationship with my mother since has been rocky to say the least but I have always tried to forget old wounds and move forward.

I am now 30 and a single mum to my wonderful 8 year old son. I have worked hard at establishing my own business, bought my own home and can afford to take frequent worldwide holidays. My son is exceeding at school and is happy. Until recently my son's father and I were great friends which we had been since we parted about five years ago.

Recent events:

Over Christmas dinner with my son, my mother asked me if it would be OK for my son to go away for the Easter holidays. It turned out that behind my back she had gone and booked a holiday to Thailand for my son and his Father to stay with my sister, who lives out there. My son had known about this for several days and was asked by his father not to say anything to me. I felt like I had been winded. I couldn't believe after all the pain my Mother had caused she could do this to me and as for my son's father, well our friendship has practically collapsed. If the situation had been different I would have said no to my son going, but because he?d been told about it and was looking forward to the trip with his father, how could I of said no? I had to put my anger and upset to one side and focus on what my son would get out of the experience.

Moving on a bit, my son's father gets a new girlfriend and falls madly in love. Despite him going behind my back with the Thailand trip, I was happy for him. Last week he informed me that he had bought his gf a ticket to Thailand and she would be joining him and my son on their trip which my mother had paid for and would be staying with my sister. Crazy hey?! To this day my son's father still has not informed my Mother that she will be joining them (I have and she is livid, but he doesn't know this). So again I was in the position of having to put my feelings aside and focus on my son's happiness. The one thing I did demand was that I got to meet the new gf before they went - I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself. I have been informed that she has no intention of meeting me as she doesn't like who I am, apparently my ex is not even allowed to talk about me. He assures me that she is a lovely person who is a great mother and a Christian. This is not good enough for me but again what do I do? Break my son's heart and tell him he can?t go when all my family are telling me to leave it alone? My family like my ex and similar to me, want him to be happy but I really feel that he's making a fool out of me. If I let this go then will people think they can walk all over me all the time? I'm full of rage about the whole thing and wish I'd put my foot down to begin with.

Thank you for reading, I know it's been long but any thoughts would be much appreciated x

OP posts:
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FiveGoMadInDorset · 19/03/2009 12:04

I am not a lone parent but I would be extremely uncomfortable if I were for my children to go away with a woman who has no intention of meeting you and who doesn't like you.

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FiveGoMadInDorset · 19/03/2009 12:04

I also think that what your mther has done is odd.

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 19/03/2009 12:07

I don't see why you feel so betrayed that your son's father wants to take him abroad on holiday - you have? I can understand that you want to meet your Exs new GF, but perhaps "demanding" isn't the right way to go about it. Do you think your ex would have the right to "demand" to meet a new BF of yours before he met your son?

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Daisy1979 · 19/03/2009 12:15

OldLadyKnowsNothing: In any normal circumstance I would be happy for my son to go away with his father - I'm upset at the way this has been done.

OP posts:
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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 19/03/2009 12:19

Because they didn't consult with you? Would you have said "No"? Did you ask your ex before taking your child on foreign holidays? Would you have stayed home if he said "No"?

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LadyGlencoraPalliser · 19/03/2009 12:23

OldLady: I assume the OP is upset because her mother had arranged for her son and ex-husband to stay with her sister without telling the OP anything about it beforehand. And telling an 8 year old child about the arrangements before telling his mother is underhanded to say the least. I would be hurt and upset if MY mother was making arrangements like this with my ex behind my back.

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mamas12 · 19/03/2009 12:23

Being upset at your mums and ex behaviour is quite right but why did they feel they had to do it that way? If you say you would have said yes anyway what was their problem?
Will have to tell them not to do that again as you will say no and warn son that it's lucky that you hadn't planned anything for same dates isn't it. Best that mum and dad check between them in future eh. Cos it would be awful for grandma to lose all that money wouldn't it.

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BeauticianNotMagician · 19/03/2009 12:32

I personally think you have been very calm and reasonable about the whole situation.

If this were me i would be annoyed at things being done behind my back as that is not a good example of how to treat people for your ds.Im sure you have informed your ex when you are going away with ds.If your mother and ex saw no wrong in what they were doing then they would have been upfront from the start.

Also i agree totally about wanting to meet your ex's new girlfriend i for one would like to know who my ds's were being around and i would expect my ex to want to meet anyone i start a relationship with.

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