Sorry to be here moaning again, just feel really down..
Since my breakup with my ex I thought i'd been doing ok. I found out over easter that after a year of uncertainty and messing me about he was actually 2 timing me with the same girl he'd been messing with in the beginning.
Yesterday brought it all to a head for me when he told me quite bluntly that he can only have the kids when he's not out with her on a friday or when he's not working. he wasn't very nice about it. I lost my cool much to my shame and was quite nasty to him saying stuff like 'is she a good then etc and he was like I'm not going to answer that. I sent him a text saying that I was hurting and I was very upset, how could he forget the nine years we had together and why was he being so horrible. I aldo told him that I wished he was dead sometimes that way I could stop hurting (not nice on my part I know) He replied 'Our relationship is over. I'm with a new girl now. Move on!!!!' After all that we'd been through, all the stuff that he said to me means absolutely nothing to him. He once told me he wanted to grow old with me and he loved me so much, that was 18 months ago, look at us now.
He's been horrible in other ways too. When I found out on easter Monday that he had been seeing her since before xmas (while still sleeping with me on occaision, crying his eyesout to me that he did love me, sending me the odd loving text, saying 'we'll take it slow and never say never (this was all him not me!!) he became nasty and actually followed me in my car to a mates and wouldn't leave me alone, I had to call the police. He also stole my mobile charger from my house and my house phone out of spite. He has returned this but its not the point.
I dunno, I can't get him and her out of my head. She's 17 and he's 28. I must be such a dog for him to do that. I know he's a bastard but I'm having trouble believing that the lovely man I once knew has turbned into a stranger
I do feel quite empty. I've got two lovely kids and I will carry on for them but its so bloody hard. Why should he have the social life and I'm stuck. He's got away with it and I have to live with it for ever.
Knowing that he dosen't give a crap and he still hurtin me is soo hard. I have tried to meet other people.. one lad I had a bit of a thing with but he's not bothered now. texts now angd again but thats it. Perhaps its me lol
Thanks for listening. I know I've gone o about all this before but I feel worse not better. I miss him so much (yes I know how could I?) I've been with him since I was 17, he's been my only sexual partner and the thought of sleeping with anyone else feels me with dread.And anyway the few fellas I do like are all taken.
Is this all life is? it's pretty sh*t!
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Sorry I'm moaning again...
12 replies
Janna · 18/04/2005 09:46
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