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Sorry I'm moaning again...

(13 Posts)
Janna Mon 18-Apr-05 09:46:24

Sorry to be here moaning again, just feel really down..

Since my breakup with my ex I thought i'd been doing ok. I found out over easter that after a year of uncertainty and messing me about he was actually 2 timing me with the same girl he'd been messing with in the beginning.

Yesterday brought it all to a head for me when he told me quite bluntly that he can only have the kids when he's not out with her on a friday or when he's not working. he wasn't very nice about it. I lost my cool much to my shame and was quite nasty to him saying stuff like 'is she a good ** then etc and he was like I'm not going to answer that. I sent him a text saying that I was hurting and I was very upset, how could he forget the nine years we had together and why was he being so horrible. I aldo told him that I wished he was dead sometimes that way I could stop hurting (not nice on my part I know) He replied 'Our relationship is over. I'm with a new girl now. Move on!!!!' After all that we'd been through, all the stuff that he said to me means absolutely nothing to him. He once told me he wanted to grow old with me and he loved me so much, that was 18 months ago, look at us now.
He's been horrible in other ways too. When I found out on easter Monday that he had been seeing her since before xmas (while still sleeping with me on occaision, crying his eyesout to me that he did love me, sending me the odd loving text, saying 'we'll take it slow and never say never (this was all him not me!!) he became nasty and actually followed me in my car to a mates and wouldn't leave me alone, I had to call the police. He also stole my mobile charger from my house and my house phone out of spite. He has returned this but its not the point.

I dunno, I can't get him and her out of my head. She's 17 and he's 28. I must be such a dog for him to do that. I know he's a bastard but I'm having trouble believing that the lovely man I once knew has turbned into a stranger
I do feel quite empty. I've got two lovely kids and I will carry on for them but its so bloody hard. Why should he have the social life and I'm stuck. He's got away with it and I have to live with it for ever.

Knowing that he dosen't give a crap and he still hurtin me is soo hard. I have tried to meet other people.. one lad I had a bit of a thing with but he's not bothered now. texts now angd again but thats it. Perhaps its me lol

Thanks for listening. I know I've gone o about all this before but I feel worse not better. I miss him so much (yes I know how could I?) I've been with him since I was 17, he's been my only sexual partner and the thought of sleeping with anyone else feels me with dread.And anyway the few fellas I do like are all taken.

Is this all life is? it's pretty sh*t!
Sorry

Janna Mon 18-Apr-05 09:49:24

oh and dd has got chicken pox!!!

Hermione1 Mon 18-Apr-05 09:56:56

Hi jenna, sorry your feeling so down. I am new so don't know the ins and outs of this story but sounds like he is having a midlife crisis. It's not gonna stop hurting overnight, as they say time is a healer, but you gotta be strong. Although this is easier said than done.
Focus on your kids, build yourself a new life, enjoy being you before you go and get into another relationship. Life is shit sometimes there's highs and lows. keep your chin up.
big hugs to you. sorry couldn't be much help. But i am here listening. ;)

Janna Mon 18-Apr-05 15:32:08

thanks hermione1, thanks for replying. i'll be ok, ur right about not going into another relationship straightaway.
off to eat loadsa choccie now

TheVillageIdiot Mon 18-Apr-05 15:38:05

Hi Janna, so sorry you are feeling down. CAT me if you want a chat - we must get that holiday sorted on the other thread and you will have something to look forward to.

It sounds to me like it's his loss and you are the better person. The novelty for the young girl will wear off or he'll do the same to her. Don't worry about losing it, we all have our limits. Hold your head up high and know you've done nothing wrong! I know it's really hard when someone leaves you esp if a third person is involved. Vent on here as much as you like and hopefully that will help you deal with him in the flesh.

Lots of people on hear with an ear and a shoulder (even if only virtual)

Janna Mon 18-Apr-05 16:16:09

Hi villageidiot
Just cat you now so hopefully you should get it ok! Your right I am the better person. He's just a tosser. Will definetely have to get that holiday sorted I think it's something I do need to do at the moment as I don't have a lot of confidence and it would do me and kids good.
ooh I dunno feeling a bit sickie.. never a good sign.. off to make the kids tea bleurrghhh
cheers!

TheVillageIdiot Mon 18-Apr-05 16:22:41

Have just nipped back before heading home for the day and saw this.

I hate that stressed out sicky feeling, I suffer with that quite often through work/xp/dp etc and it's the worst feeling.

Will hopefully get your CAT later but will be back on line for a while this evening too. I will try and look at the holiday thread again tomorrow as have a quiet day at work.

Take Care and take it easy - some comfort food and a glass of wine. Do you have a mate who could come over for a bit this evening? make some angel delight and have a good old whinge!

TheVillageIdiot Tue 19-Apr-05 09:38:52

Hi Janna, still haven't got your CAT. How are you today? Has anything else happened?

honeypot01 Tue 19-Apr-05 09:56:55

Hi Janna

You poor thing, i split with my sons dad when my son was 2o mths, we were together for 7 years, we got together young too, but different when lil one came along, think he was jealous of time i spent with him. You'll be just fine, a good hol will give you time to forget about it. Yes you're right all the good men are taken or married, no nice single men out there1 well if there are, i can't find one!!!

karenanne Tue 19-Apr-05 10:18:39

hi janna ,last year i could have virtually wrote your post word for word.in the new year i decided that i wasnt going to feel like that anymore.i picked myself up and have become stronger,more confident and a happier person .it didnt happenovernight and i still occasionally think were did things go wrong but i dont let it drag me down.if i find myself thinking too much about it i make myselfthink of other things or do something to take my mind off it.lol its quite easy when the kids are about.

it is hard being single and getting out on your own is rare but im finally starting to have that bit of me time.i havent met anyone else yet but i think i need to find myself and what i want in life before i worry too much about a new man.lol

friends and family have all commented on how 'together' i seem.amazingly even exdp as lol hes been having problems with his 18 yr old girlfriend and says im a better prospect than her!i cant see him having that chance again but if miracles did happen it would be on MY terms not his.

ive found this is a great way of making you feel good about yourself,it also kicks them where it hurts as well.so show him you dont need him,that you can go on to have a better life without him.he'll soon notice and it will bother him more than you know.

hugs to you -

Bugsy2 Tue 19-Apr-05 15:24:41

Janna, it will get better! Hard to believe now, but I can also add my name to those above who have been in a similar place to where you are at the moment but now find that life is much better with the ex out of their lives.
It is definitely not your fault - don't ever think that. Your ex is behaving like a selfish child - no wonder you lost your temper! Try and get set visiting times in. Everyone says it is better for the children to have regular visiting patterns & it is also good for you too as you know you'll have a chance to catch up or even have a life.
Big hugs.

TheVillageIdiot Tue 19-Apr-05 17:59:31

Janna - so sorry. I've just realised that my email address on my registration was wrong. no wonder I didn't get your email!!! I'm a prat sorry

Janna Wed 20-Apr-05 10:05:44

Hello! The Villageidiot.. Don't worry lol, I'll send you another CAT. I've only just checked this thread this morning so have just caught up with everyones lovely replies!

Bugsy2, Karennanne and Honeypot thank you so much for your replies. It's comforting to know I'm not strange. I have tried to get regular access times and he does have the kids every sat and sun mainly cos I have to work but fri is still a very sore point. I think I may have to put up with it for the time being although it infuriates me. I always wondered if exp was jealous of the kids too.. he always said on occaision that I never had time for him and what really used to piss me off and I've just thought of it.. he told me that my sex drive since having the kids really decreased and I never 'wanted him'. I had bloody pnd for ffs which I struggled for years to get over. I loved him with all my heart but I needed time to get over with it and plus it hurt too (another story lol)

Karennanne.. I found your post quite inspiring too read. I like the bit about showing him that I'm getting on with my life and to hell with him and his fluffy little tart. I'm going to try and do this as much as I can but I can't help thinking that this is what he wants as he told me 'to move on' Mind you he told my mum a couple of weeks ago that he would be jealous if i found someone else.

I am lucky in that I've got a few good RL friends.. three of which have been through exactly the same thing. one in particular has been very supportive and we go out when we can. She get impatient though she dosen't have kids so she dosen't quite understand certain things

Anyway thank you all!!

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