My youngest ds broke my heart today...

[moosh]

I have to put both ds's into after schl club on Mondays as I work a little later that day. Ds1 is 9 and is fine but ds2 is only 4 and he has only been there twice and is never keen.
I asked ds1 to keep an eye on his brother today and when I turned up to pick them up ds1 was at the other end of the hall with his friends and ds2 was tearful sitting inbetween a group of children from another school waiting for his dinner. My heart sank and he ran into my arms crying. I told ds1 off.... because I felt that if ds2 had been upset sitting next to his brother it wouldn't have got to me so much. I apologised to ds1 afterwards and said I'd sort something else out for ds2. I am usually a "tough old bird" but my heart went out to ds2 I am upset just thinking about it now and I have an over whelming sense of guilt. I have now arranged that ds2 go to my mums and ds1 can stay at the club as alot of his friends are there and he can relax without having to watch his little brother.
Have I reacted over the top? Ds2 has always been clingy and finds it hard to socialise unlike his brother. I just feel that he maybe is too young to be in there as he doesn't even have any friends in his year that go there. Like I said I'm quite a tough no nonsense woman but my guilt really over powered me today.
Not easy being a lone parent sometimes.

[littleboysblue]

It would have upset me a bit too, no one likes to see their dc's tearful and upset.
Nevermind though, he'll probably forget all about it in a few days.
Try not to feel guilty though, you do what you have to do, and if he's going to your mum's in future, he'll be happier there and you can try something more social for him when he comes out of himself a bit. 4 is young, sure he'll be fine

[spicemonster]

Oh It makes me want to cry just reading that! I don't think you're being over the top at all. It's tricky too as your DS1 isn't going to have much fun if he's looking out for your DS2. He's not much more than a baby - if your mum is happy to have him then I think that sounds like the best solution.

[ginnny]

Oh dear... I know that feeling. Its horrible.
My dss are the opposite. DS2 is only 5 and super confident and outgoing but DS1 is 9 but very shy and timid.
They went to the school playscheme in the christmas holidays and someone threw something and it hit ds1 so he was crying. When they told me about it I asked ds2 if he looked after ds1 while he was crying and he said "No I was with my friends". I was really cross that they were both there and not looking out for one another. I hate the thought that the older boys see ds1 as a cissy, when he's just a sensitive little lad and of course then I feel guilty for sending them there while I'm at work, and also for being cross with ds2 for just acting like a 5 year old boy.
It's hard.
You have my sympathy.

[Fluffybubble]

I don't think that you've overreacted tbh. My ds sounds similar socially to your ds2 (he is just 5) and I think that he would have reacted in the same way. I think that your new plan will suit both of your dc well and, in time, your ds2 might fancy giving the after school thing a go again, but now he is only little and after all day at school it might all be a bit much.

Don't feel guilty, he might of loved it and you don't know unless you try!

I don't think that it's easy being a lone parent EVER .

[moosh]

Thanks guys, I thought everyone would moan at me for telling ds1 off. I apologised to him though and understand that its not his responsibility and he wants to have fun. Ds2 will definately be happier at my mums. And like you say maybe when hes a little older he'll probably give it another try.

[ginnny]

Moosh as soon as you give birth you feel guilty for everything, more so when you are a lone parent.
I'm sure your ds will have forgotten all about it long before you do!

[chatee]

but what were the staff doing whilst your ds was crying?
i'd be more worried that they were not caring for your little one, rather than his big brother not caring for him.......
can your little ds just attend the club for a short period(and gradually build up the time spent there-rather than removal totally[as you don't know when you might have to use the club]and your mum collect him and have him for a shorter time?
but i would be speaking to playleader and demading answer to why he wasn't being comforted and explain that you will be reomving him/gradually reintroducing the club to him because of todays experience

and just think your ds will not even most probably remember about it in a month