Does anyones ex help out if kids off school?

[lunavix]

I know that our arrangement is every other weekend and a wednesday night, which doesn't include week days, but I still need to moan.

I'm on a Uni course that's really strict about hours, and really strict about placement hours and if the kids are sick exH will not even consider taking time off with them.

I know it was my choice rar rar rar, but he likes to inform me on a weds night that 'x is feeling rough, so you'll have to stay home with them tomorrow if he's still rough' and the thing that's really annoying is his idea of 'rough' is not the same as mine, and is usually greatly exaggerated. Our ds is very good at assessing if he's well enough to go to school or not.

Last week on Weds the school said that ds hadn't been feeling himself, so exH informed me that I'd better stay home so he could drop them off in the morning. I said I had been off Uni all week (closed due to the snow) and I desperately had to see my tutor about some work and take library books back. He said not his problem, I was the one who 'insisted on being the main carer'. Short argument later and he informed me that he had a 'very important meeting' that he couldn't possibly get out of.

So I arrange with childminder that she will have him just for an hour or two so I can get the bits I needed to do done and get straight back to take him home. ExH goes mad at me saying I'm being irresponsible not caring for ds myself when he's ill and I need to sort my priorities out. I would ALWAYS rather be with the dc, but if you put one toe out of place on this course that's it, you're out, and I want to get a good job for a better life for them.

Anyways, cue Thursday morning, I'd stayed at a friends as it' s easier to get to Uni from there, and found uni was shut. So I let exH know that I'll be home for dc's, but could be up to 15min later that he'd be dropping them off at the CM, as I don't drive. He goes mad at me about how he HAS to drop them off at that time for his 'very important meeting' and I said, I'm sorry it's not my fault it's the snow.

So I race home, and wait, 20 minutes later he rings to tell me he's snowed in and shan't be going anywhere so will bring the kids round when he can get out his house. Which I'm not convinced by, there's no way he'd have been snowed in, and either way it wouldn't have cleared up by when he dropped kids off at lunch.

I just feel SO frustrated. I have no family, and apart from CM, exH and his mum, that's the only people I have to help at all. I have a few other friends who offer, but exH kicks up a HUGE screaming fuss threatening court action if he thinks I'll take them up on it (he doesn't trust any of my friends as they 'sided' with me when we split up ... )

Now this week I have my first week on my main placement, it's really important and I've had to call in every favour under the sun for childcare while I'm there.

Ds seems much better but he now has a bad cold and is screaming 'mummy i need a tissue' every five minutes and being pathetic. And I KNOW exH will be out with a 'you're going to have to stay home with him tomorrow' the second he sees him.

Sorry I'm probably being really unreasonable but it's stressing me out so much. Have so much to do , essays, exams, I try to do so much with the kids too, and things like this put my whole course in jeopardy and means I've wasted the last god knows how many months not seeing my kids as much as I would have

[BonsoirAnna]

It sounds like you need to clarify your shared arrangements for emergency childcare - at the moment you are the default emergency childcarer, it would seem, without anything having been put in writing.

[lunavix]

Our arrangement isn't in writing as such, we confirmed it at mediation but that's it. exH will not budge, I'm main carer so weekdays are my problem not his.

[citronella]

Oh dear it's hard isn't it. Like you I chose to be the main carer. Now I would welcome exh having them and being able to have them when ill etc but I know it would be held against me that I had asked (although I am sure he would have them) and its just not worth getting into the whole point scoring thing iykwim? Hence I never ask and have either organised it with childminder or have arranged to work from home. At least I know what I'm dealing with.
YANBU. Maybe just give yourself up to the fact that you will be at home if you can't use cm and sleep if your ds sleeps during the day. Catch up on the studying in the evening and leave anything else like housework until everyones back to normal.
FWIM I wouldn't hold too much store by court threats. Apart from costing him a lot of money they would probably uphold the emergency arrangements you have decided as you will be able to show that you have made adequate provision for your children. If he doesn't like the provision then he can do it instead and he won't like that either.

[lunavix]

I know.

It's just the hours thing. If I miss a day of Uni I have to make up the hours. If I miss a day of placement I have to make up the hours (even harder.) I'm not a shirker, and besides this snow when our uni was mostly closed anyways I haven't taken a single day off.

I know part of it is exH mentality that it's 'only uni' and he really resents that I'm doing something with my life. Easy for him, I supported him through uni!

[citronella]

Yes he sounds v. egocentric.
It's a (very) long time since I was at uni but is yours module based so that you can make up the hours but it will just take you longer to complete the course?

[lunavix]

Sort of. It's nursing and it's module based so yes we can make up hours. Trouble is it's very strict, one tiny bit of anything deemed important that you miss/fail and you are out. If it was -just- hours it would be better but it's not.