Do you just sit and look at all the men on a site and think 'Yes but what is wrong with you?'

[petrovia]

I'm only on one site, have been there a good while and never really do anything, I just sit in a corner and occasionally get added as a 'potential goer' by someone or whatever you call it.

I keep telling myself, 'Come on, have a browse, there must be some nice chaps on here' and then I start to look through them and there are loads of really dodgy looking ones, and then I see someone who catches my eye and usually I find myself going 'yeah, but why haven't you got a girlfriend, there must be something up, otherwise you would NOT BE HERE'

and then I think 'but what about you, MissGiantbreasts1976, what are YOU doing on the shelf?!'

and then I just give up, because if the blokes out there are anything like me they are probably not ready for a relationship.

Crap isn't it? As you were...

[MUMDONEGOOD]

I can relate to you big time. Went on one dating site myself, they all looked evil. Saying that the men I meet in my day to day life are the same. Maybe if I visit Mars I might be lucky, they do say that men are from Mars don't they.

[petrovia]

Yes.

I ought to say I am miss giant breasts bla bla...so questioning why I am on there iyswim...and thinking they are probably no worse than I am...

[QueenLiffey]

I wouldn't do it for this reason. I think it's easier for men anyway, so they can ask 25 people out and one will say yes.

Much harder for women, so as sexist as this is, I don't think all the women on a dating site are hopeless cases, but I reckon 90% of the men are.

Sorry! I wouldn't go near a dating site. But then, I'm single, and likely to remain so!!! So I'm not saying my train of thought is the best one.

[MUMDONEGOOD]

You would probably get a lot of attention if you said you are miss giant breasts. Maybe they are not evil and looks are just deceiving. Maybe they have been through the traumas of life and are now looking for the one that can bring happiness to their lonely lives. Probably not but we have to try and look on the bright side.

[petrovia]

No Lif I don't, really - I just am on there since, what, two years ago or something. I don't really use it - have had brief conversation with one chap who was about 55 and quite pleasant but there was no spark at all, we had nothing in common or to talk about. Never even spoken to anyone else!

I know a few blokes and have dated a few and tbh the things you find out about people you think you know just make finding someone completely out of the blue seem like an impossibly stupid and risky thing to do, iyswim?

I mean if the ones I've had as friends for so many years have this kind of other side, what the hell am I going to find out about a complete stranger?

I think I';m destined to stay single with that attitude though...ho hum!

[petrovia]

Lol Mumdonegood

Well I suppose it's good to be optimistic!

I hadn't thought of it in that way before Liffey about most of the men being a bit dodgy but the women being Ok.

I wonder what the ratio is.

[petrovia]

Ooh I have had another viewing! That is two tonight. What is happening, perhaps someone has hijacked my account and added a different photo.

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

petrovia
it depends if its a paying site IMO
as generally(and its a generally too)these attract people who are serious about the whole thing
an awful lot of people who use them do so because they find themselves single again after a divorce/relationship breakup and dont really know where to look to meet anyone new as more often than not all their friends are married/in relationships so they dont tend to go out 'on the pull' like they maybe once did

[Gettingagrip]

lol @petrovia

Every man I meet I think 'what's wrong with him?!!'

I too have wondered re going over to the Sapphic side!

I have been on a paid dating site for nearly two years in a desultory fashion. Most interesting men seem to be in London, and as I am up north, its not really a goer.

My problem here is that the very few men who appear on the sites I know already!!!! Not 'know' in the biblical sense, but sufficiently well that bargepoles spring to mind.

I have emailed a few, but they all seem to want women who are at their beck and call 24/7. Mind you, I am 50, so for me they are all old codgers of nearly 60!! IME men at 60 are a very different kettle of fish to women at 60. Or even 50 come to that!

I would really like to experiment with a younger man!!!! But then there's the mother issues.....

I have had a few men who are still with their wives on the site I was on...separated but still in the same house for assorted reasons....oh yea..and I fell of the last banana boat yesterday.

I know exactly where you are coming from re the stranger thing...I had a relationship with someone I had known since childhood. Unfortunately in the intervening years he had turned into a psychopath.

xxx

[Gettingagrip]

That should be of course....I have had a few men contact me from the site I was on...not I have had a few men from the site....

Sadly...

[nkf]

A good friend of mine met someone online. They are now married. He is honestly, truly, not weird. And neither is she.

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

LMAO Gettingagrip!!

[JumpingDizzy]

I've dated 4 guys from a dating site and ended up with my dp

Only one turned out odd but I was off my guard, he ended up stalking me. Having said that I know women who meet nutballs in RL.

Dp works with guys who go on the same site, POF, and they just do it to get kicks. A lot are in relationships and don't even use their own pic. Some just do it for one night stands.

I made a few male friends from Pof though and am still in contact with absolutely no smut or flirting, just friendship. These guys are just as confused with the whole thing as most of us women. They've been messed around too. Not only guys can be players.

I did contact guys I liked when on it. I was the one who contacted dp as I didn't have a pic up (just in private mode) so I sent him one. Glad I did now though.

[Gettingagrip]

RL also dodgy of course...met a nice man in passing at an event. He was clean, had teeth, hair etc etc

Happened to be sitting next to him at another recent event during lunch....

The whole way through lunch he did that thing where they sniff all the phlegm from their nose into the back of their throat and then swallow it.

[JumpingDizzy]

EWWW gettingagrip, the ex stalker did that too but not the swallowing.

[Niceguy2]

There are plenty of decent men out there. Seriously sometimes you women are your own worst enemy.

So let me get this straight, you see ugly men...and think "next!". You see good looking men and think something is wrong. Umm, how can we win?

Presumably if someone is not TOO good looking but not ugly either then they have to be taller than you, have nice shoes (to your standards), dress smart, not live at home, not have "baggage", decent job and puts the loo seat down.

Then if they do get in touch you'll spend hours agonising over whether you should give him your contact details just on the off chance he's a stalker.

Tomorrow you'll be sat there wondering why you are single!

[Lurkinaround]

The fact that you call yourself Niceguy would put me off straight away. Then the fact that you said 'you women'.

I don't wonder why I'm single. I know why I'm single. It's because I attract fuckwits and I can't be trusted not to let said fuckwits reel me in and three months down the line find myself saying 'Yeah, sure. Will 50 quid be enough?'

I've been looking at a dating site just to see what's out there and I quickly came to the conclusion that I'd rather pull my own eyelashes out that go on a date at the moment. You can tell a lot from a picture, and the fact that someone reads the Daily Mail is an instant 'no', as is someone who describes themselves as 'genuine' and 'been hurt in the past' or who feel the need to let you know how rich they are but that gold diggers aren't welcome. Or the ones that write in text speak.

I'm not proud to admit I'm fussy. I'm damn sure I'm not going to compromise on things that ring alarm bells from the start like before. I'm too old to be laughing at someone's crap jokes or ignoring the fact that they vote Tory or that they conveniently never have any money on them when it comes to paying for anything.

Yep, I'm definitely still in the bitter and twisted stage so will be staying single for a while yet!

[Niceguy2]

Yep I agree, i think you need time out to sort yourself out emotionally before jumping back into the dating game.

Good luck

[petrovia]

Thanks all
I think I feel better now!

Niceguy - I didn't say they were ugly, ugly I can live with - in fact I'd say I have a mild preference for ugly.
Dodgy means they look like someone who, well, reads the DM, or has ishoos, or is a smug bastard or (an example from yesterday) has joined a satanic cult.

Also I can suss a player about 3 miles away. (I think...)
I have had enough of them (around) to know!!

Liking the banana boat thing

[petrovia]

That should say, 'tried to join a satanic cult but has been rejected and is quite hissy about it'.

[Niceguy2]

Yes, that person could "look dodgy" on their photo....They could really be dodgy......or it could be just a bad photo.

Also, tell me how someone looks who reads the DM or has joined a satanic cult? Well I guess that person could be sat in the photo with the paper whilst wearing his cult robes but to date I've yet to see one.

My point is that you are guessing and quite honestly are probably wrong more often than you are right.

If you aren't going to give men a chance on the website, why are you even bothering? You are wasting their time and your own.

[Gettingagrip]

Hello Mr Niceguy

I am sure you are delightful, as are most of the men in the world.

What you have missed in this thread is the self -mockery in all our posts. Perhaps the subtlety inherent in our words was too subtle for you?

We know why we are single...quite a few of us are single by choice . We are not laughing at men, we are laughing at our own inability to sort the wheat from the fuckwits, as lurkin so eloquently put it.

Quite a few of us have had terrible experiences with the most dreadful men. We have learned from our terrible experiences, and for the sake of our own mental heath and that of our children we know we cannot make the same mistakes again.

Most of us like men and would like to think that we may have another relationship. But we have no idea how we can do that.

Perhaps you could give us some hints and tips for recognising nice men? A tutorial if you like.

That would be more of a kindness to 'us women' than sarcasm and derision.

Thankyou. End of lecture.

xxx

[QueenLiffey]

Niceguy, not all women have an unrealistic list.

I'm not dating until my life is a little bit more sorted out, I need to feel confident that I am a catch, but when I do start hoping to meet a man, I want him to be kind and good-humoured and sociable. Baggage? that's a must!!! A man without children would be a total forget it!, so, kind, good-humoured, sociable with children.... And mediumly attractive (but a bit more so to me). Is that 'list' acceptable!!????

[QueenLiffey]

Gettingagrip, I agree, the last man I was with has to be one of the WORST out there. The next one could only be better, but ideally, an awful lot better as opposed to just a slight improvement. And how do we know?! Does something in your foot go bleep bleep code amber when you start messaging a weirdo!?!? Unfortunately not.

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

this is a funny thread indeed!
IME you do get a feel for it as you go on
and you do need to be in the right place emotionally to handle it
hmm photos well..
a friend of mine went out with a guy who actually looked nothing like his pic and i mean really nothing
she is a very tall woman and he er turned out to be a Danny de Vito clone, needless to say she didnt see him again!
in my case i didnt have a pic on there but was obviously popular from the brief spec of being a slim blonde lol!
but i wanted to be judged on who i was and not merely by my looks which is also important for me in judging a man
believe me i have come across some very good looking men but they have more often than not been dull and not terribly intelligent
which is not something that i could deal with as i dont like dullards!!
names well again lots beggar belief
but you have to look beyond it if you can and there again i just laugh
and yes niceguy2 is somewhat cheesy and i would be sceptical
but in his case he actually is lol!