more christmas stuff - what do I do?

[0987654321]

xh and I split about 6 months ago, very up and down, but basically I cant bear being in the same room as him for very long. For various reasons, he also has mostly supervised access at the mo, with him taking ds out for a few hours each week alone. We are building this up towards a full day unsupervised.

xh will put ds to bed on xmas eve. I have said to come over for xmas day for a couple of hours, and he agreed to this. Now he is saying he wants to see him for longer on xmas day - saying its not fair etc etc.

I will find it very hard to be in the same room as him for 2 hours on xmas day, and having him over on xmas day is a massive concession for me. There will be someone there with me - I wont be alone with him. I have also said he can see him for several days in the holidays - either supervised or taking him somewhere for a couple of hours.

Am I being fair, as xh says I am not?
ds is 2 btw.

[Prettyfull]

Hey, i think hes quite lucky to be putting ds to bed on xmas eve, and seeing him 2 hours on xmas day is perfectly acceptable! I dont see any prob in this and dont think your being unfair.

Surely after a mornin spent opening pressies, seeing family or whatever your doing,...your son may want a nap and fit in seeing your xh....the day will be gone,..what more does he want?

Hope it works out ok for you x

[0987654321]

its so hard to know if you are being reasonable when you are constantly being told that you arent, despite NEVER getting in the way of his access...

He wants to take ds to his for the morning, but I am not comfortable with that - he has only just started having a few hours unsupervised (which he totally disagrees with too, but there are valid reasons for it, believe me). Or else he wants to stay longer, butI dont see why I should be feeling uncomftable in my own home to enable this - I usually go out while he sees him (supervised).

The plan was to let him see him in the morning to open his big presents, with people present with me. He isnt having a separate christmas with his dad as such, but I am saying he can have him for a few hours alone a couple of times over the holidays (when he can take him somewhere specific).

God, this is so hard....

[0987654321]

When ds is older, and we have gradually built up the unsupervised contact, then he will have 2 christmases. And I am aware that I will not see him every christmas day myself.

But that is how it is with separated families isnt it? (genuine question)

[TheSeriousSanta]

I think your plan is totally acceptable.

It will get easier

[Prettyfull]

Well with my dd and her dad, hes not that interested so diff situation. Hes not seeing her over xmas at all, his choice, hes too busy which suits us fine lol

Personally if you have your reasons for superised visits etc, then he (im assuming) has obviously done something wrong?? I think your perfectly in your own rights to leave it as it is! Two hours on xmas day is a lot more then most fathers would get!

I def agree you shouldnt have to feel uncomforatble in your own home. Perhaps offer to let him have him an hour or two at his on Boxing day?????

Sorry not much help x

[gillybean2]

Explain to him that 2 hours is as much as you can manage and that if he is going to start being difficult about it and stress you then you might have to reconsider the 2 hours.

Perhaps remind him that things will change as he proves his reliabilty and you can trust him more and as comtact increases over the next few weeks and months. And that pushing like this now is not helping with that so rather than putting pressure on everyone perhaps he could back down and accept that you have given more than you feel comfortable with because you believe it is in your child's best interests to see him as you have already arranged...