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omfg! online dating again, and someone who is WELL out of practise...

(13 Posts)
ratbunny Mon 15-Dec-08 19:04:40

well its me and online dating again, after I didnt get murdered in a forest (remember that thread? it was me) last time.
So, obviously I am totally inept at this, having been married for almost 14 yrs until this spring.
But I do feel ready for dating, and have been mailing this guy for over a couple of weeks. We mail each other every day, and seem to have loads in common.
And now he has gone and given me his mobil number and while I am really chuffed I am WAY TOO SCARED to call it. In a scared excited way, not in a scared, is-this-another-serial-killer-who-can-kill-me-in-the-woods way.

wtf do I do? text him? call him and just be so scared of messing up that I make no sense. text him and suggest metting up?

and please dont say - just go for it and call him, cos I will freak out and make a total arse of myself and he wont ever contact me again;)

lou33 Mon 15-Dec-08 19:14:35

text him first, dont call or answer a call until you feel ok about it

text for a bit and see how you feel about talking and/or meeting

and remember he may be feeling the same as you, so dont worry and just be you

ratbunny Mon 15-Dec-08 20:04:13

I would rather meet in person than talk on the phone. A bit odd perhaps, but without the body language I can fill silences in phone calls with incoherent ramblings. At least in person you can meet for a drink, gauge each other properly and either run away or pursue it. On the phone it would be either uncomfortable silences or me rabbitting on...

ok, will text him (or at least consider it)

bless him, he is probably as worried as me, wondering if I will contact him or not! grin and [scared]

lou33 Mon 15-Dec-08 20:06:18

you could always cut the call short by saying you had to go out if it felt odd ?

do what you feel ok with tho, i prefer to have spoken to them before i meet, myself

ninah Mon 15-Dec-08 21:28:08

sorry to digress, but am wondering - what did happen in the forest in the end?

ratbunny Mon 15-Dec-08 21:41:40

lol you remember the thread then!

He was lovely. We went bowling, and had a great laugh together. He wasnt really my 'type' in lots of different ways, but we have remained friends and do some sports together. But thanks everyone for advising against the forest climbing blush I did say I was inept at this didnt I.....

ninah Mon 15-Dec-08 21:49:17

yes of course, you said you planned to meet him in a forest and trailers for Prime Suspect etc popped into mind
Think you've done pretty well to have had successful date and made friend - inept you're obviously not. Esp given 14 years away, I hadn't dated for 4 or 5 and that was scary enough
Text this one, see how it goes! good luck

mrsmHARKTHEHERALDANGELSSINGet Wed 17-Dec-08 10:11:58

text!! tho am in similar situation, we text and did arrange a date tho that got postponed, we still text. so do it smile

and tell us after!!

tetti Wed 17-Dec-08 10:52:38

I have good and bad experiences when it comes to internet dating,so,here's some advice(which I wish I'd been given!!!lol)

Once you get talking to someone from the internet it is very easy to feel like you know them (fi you get to the stage where you have spoken on a regular basis for a month or two).Try to not reveal too much about yourself too early,after all,this person is still a stranger.
It is also easy to fool youself into thinking that you have feelings for the person.
You may get along great,he may look absolutely gorgeous in his pictures,and you start looking forward to the day when you'll eventually meet up.

But,here's where my piece of advice comes in..when you DO meet up,just think of it as meeting up with a friend,don't go into it with any expectations at all,and that way you cannot be disappointed.
Meeting in real life is totally different.
I talked to this guy for a few weeks online before we met,we got on really well as friends,but I didn't really fancy him.
Met up with him,just as a friend and BANG!,the man was absolutely gorgeous in real life,his pictures didn't do him any justice at all.
We ended up dating for 8 months,and it was a good experience:-)

The second one though?We got on really well,he looked dropdead gorgeous in his pics,he seemed very down to earth and said he was fed up with women who just wanted casual relationships(being a single dad he wanted a serious relationship)
What happened when we met?
For a start he didn't look anything like his pic at all!,and as soon as he met me,literally,he tried to stick his toungue down my throat and suggested we'd go back to his!(needless to say,I scarpered!)

So,just be careful,do things at your own pace,don't rush into anything,and above all,go after your gut instinct..
And if you do eventually meet up with him,let at least 1 friend know where you are,and make sure they txt you so you can let them know that you're ok:-)

I hope all this hasn't put you off,internet dating can be great,but there are alot of frogs out there,so be careful:-)
All the best.x

mrsmHARKTHEHERALDANGELSSINGet Thu 18-Dec-08 09:37:06

that's very good advice tetti, i will also be following it. thanks (((((((((()))))))

ratbunny Thu 18-Dec-08 11:07:44

thanks for all the advice.

I emailed him and said texting is fine, but made some flimsy excuse about not talking on the phone yet, and he came back agreeing and saying thats what he wanted too cos he finds it really hard to talk to someone you dont know over the phone too.

So we have been texting, and it has been most pleasant

If nothing else, its all pracise isnt it ;)

ninah Thu 18-Dec-08 11:47:33

oh good. And he does sound nice.

ratbunny Thu 18-Dec-08 14:32:48

yeah, he does. When I told him I wasnt up for phoning I just thought - well if he ducks out because of that then that will speak volumes, so no loss.

on paper, he has a lot that I am looking for, and it is on paid site so at least he has made that much effort. And he has kept in touch despite my very bizarre sense of humour.

But I am really wary of him not being what he seems iyswim. Kind of like what tetti was warning about.

In some ways, the whole texting / emailing thing is really nice on its own isnt it. I am not in any hurry to shatter that image and find out he is 10 yrs older, unemployed, just fallen out of the ugly tree, and just after a quick grope ;)

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