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Just angry, about the way this is going AGAIN!!

(6 Posts)
piratecat Sat 01-Nov-08 18:26:33

HI,

DD has been seeing her dad again over the last 4 weeks. This has been two visits to the swimming pool. DD hadn't seen her dad for 5 months, wishing not to. This is becuase of the number of times he has let her down, not put her first, insisting on his needs not hers. So she has had nearly a year of upset, as she last went to his home last oct. She began not to trust him, not feel loved yada yada. I have harped on about many times hear. She began to have depressive moments, the weeing herself issues for months, culminating in her now seing a counsellor. She is 6.

I finally caved in and 'suggested' to ex dh that he pass on a message to her saying he missed and loved her, to which he reluctantly did, as he didn't want me to say it, he wanted to say it himself. Yet it's been stalemeate for all this time.

fast forward, dd agreeing to see him.

Today dd came home from the swim, and the first thing she said was that she had seen ex's wife. I had to say 'oh' ok, infornt of dd and ex. Turns out he had brought her with him, she went shopping, and then he asked dd if she wanted to meet her after swimming. DD totally put on the spot, but said ok, and was quite happy to do so. Yet I am bloody annoyed that there was an element of sly involved in it.
We go to counselling for a reason, and she said it's all dd's choice. Of course, yet this was the 3rd 'date' dd has had with her dad since may, and I am so fucked off he has had to bring his wife into it already. of course in the long run it would come to this, but he even said to me this week that yes it's best to take t all slowly (words I have longed to hear for 2 yrs)

Now dd said to me that she didn't want to say no becuase she didn't want to make daddy upset.I also know that ex prob didn't want to speak to me about this meeeting becuase i would have been wary for dd. He also must know that has he done this with me dd may have said no. I have spent months hearing how dd doesn't like his wife, and how she is mean to her. How much of this is true i wil never know. Yet she generally was scared of her, and thought her bossy and unkind.

I think he was underhand in this, and eventho he hasn't had to livw with dd's total upset all these months, surely a grain of sense would have been appropriate.

That said dd seems ok, i know this is important, of course i do, but it's just hard to be that 'strong mother, at all costs' soemtimes.

piratecat Sat 01-Nov-08 18:52:59

wanker (opens a bottle of red) has justbeen on the phone, all sweetness and nice, to me.

YES it's what i wanted allalong, but NO i don't 'get' it, and what i can only deduce is that he musthave been freaking otu in his self induced misery the pasy year, and is now mr helpful (liar). WHERE was this concern when dd was sayign she wished she was dead. I know thats a shockign thing to put in a post, but it's the truth, and he know it, but did nothing.

its ok, i will let go of the anger, but i son't nkow what else will hold me up if i do!

AlistairSim Sat 01-Nov-08 19:20:16

I'm sorry I have no practical, useful advice.

Just wanted to say what a lump of knob-cheese your ex is.

Poor DD. sad

macdoodle Sat 01-Nov-08 19:26:01

for you and DD pirate - just know that YOU are doing YOUR very best for her and with your love and support she will turn into a wonderful person and she will know it is because of you

cantpickyourfamily Tue 04-Nov-08 16:04:30

he is an ARSE, he should have discussed it with you before taking dd to see his wife, esp if she doesn't like her.

lucky that dd seems ok with it, but he is so out of order. Does he know that dd goes to counselling?

If he does then that makes it even worse that he would take this large step without discussing it with you and dd in advance, and give dd time to think about it first and get 'ready' to meet her.

My exp has always said so far that if he did have a new partner he would want to have spent enough quailty time with dd before taking her to meet a new partner as his time with dd is so important to him that he would not want to give that up just to introduce her to someone.

Sorry I am not trying to make you feel more mad and I should be trying to calm you down, but I am very angry for you and dd. angry

glitterfairy Tue 04-Nov-08 16:16:31

Some people will never learn and some people will only drive away their kids pirate. He will lose out in the end and your dd has you. One stable parent is really enough.

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