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Feeling Very guilty

14 replies

tigerlili · 30/10/2008 09:34

Had a long day yesterday. Arranged for friend of DS'S to come and stay for half term. Done some stuff cinema /park etc . Had to go to work related conference in london yesterday. Day started at 5.30am and i didn't get home till 6.30 pm. My dad had the ds's 10 and 12 at my house. They didn't tell him they wanted feeding ie tea/ dinner and he got confused thought i'd be back earlier!
Basically i yelled at my ds as she is old enough to know when she wants her tea!There was preteen crap everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was bloody knackerd !!!!
They had cheese burgers!( god how unhealthy)
Today we are goin to play area and foodery place.

Feel soooooooooooooo bad for shoutin. My dad / mom and friends mom have all helped chip in so i can take kids out!
Feel like a CRAP mom! I shouldn't have shouted , my ds is still raw after dvorce!!!!!!!!!! my exh is away fro 2 weeks how bloody convenient TWAT!

SORRY for the vent . feel very guilty and torn betweeen work and bein a good parent ! i know that is pathetic ! On top of that i am beginning to have a social life and my ds doesn't like it, i am sooo lonely , going out socially is helping me build friendships, AM i wrong?

sorry for the vent.

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ninah · 30/10/2008 09:52

sounds perfectly normal to me, shouting is inevitable at some point during half term here, and I don't start at 5.30! forget it and enjoy rest of hols

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citronella · 30/10/2008 13:38

I really really understand how you feel. I was thinking the exact same thing this morning (about being torn between work and being a good parent) after I had begged, pleaded, shouted at boys to hurry along to get to cm's on time so I could catch my train to work. They just wanted to play with the last bits of snow along the way and I felt so guilty for curbing their enjoyment just because of me. I am such a miserable bossy shouty mum between 7.30 and 8.30 in the morning.

But I tried to explain to ds1 that I didn't want to have to yell but if I couldn't get to work my boss would be cross with me and I had to go to work so that I could keep paying for food, clothes and toys so he needed to help me.
Fell on deaf ears I think (he's only 6) but I do know how you feel as I have no social life either unless people visit me. Work and work related friendships keep me sane and keep me me ifyswim. My day also starts around 5 so by 7pm you are exhausted. How old is your ds?
You are NOT a crap mum!

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glitterfairy · 30/10/2008 18:19

Sounds all too familiar dont worry you are not a crap mum, you are tired, fed up and dealing with the everyday in difficult circumstances. We all do it at times and probably give ourselves far more stick than our kids would think reasonable!

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Rubyrubyruby · 30/10/2008 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tigerlili · 30/10/2008 19:14

thankyou ALL.my ds is 10. she has had the year from hell. with dad leaving and now divorced.
She misses him, i try an overcompensate eg had friend here all week who is lovely she is 12. just to keep my ds feelin things havent fallen apart since daddy left they are just different.
we have done cinema, mcdonalds, park, playarea and pizza hut !just hope they have enjoyed themselves? especially my lil ds, she really misses her dad and keeps the mobile he bought with her at all times, which drives me mad( i know it shouldn't)

I just get very tired and snappy sometimes and i hate that about myself/ situation.

Had to go conference for work but felt soo guilty cos its half term.

End of whinge.Thankyou for listening.

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glitterfairy · 30/10/2008 20:20

Dont be guilty you are putting food on the table. Do they still see your X?

It is such a difficult time for you at the moment and they will be really needy but it will pass and you will be amazed at how well they bounce back.

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tigerlili · 30/10/2008 20:46

sore point, glitterfairy. holidays are shared care. my x validated his decision to go away over half term ( query work related) by askin ds if it was ok ? SHE IS F**N 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SORRY!

i thought it was inappropriate . she said yes then i had tears for hrs because 2months ahead from said hols she was ALREADY lookin forward to it!GRRRRRRRRRRR!

HE IS a selfish idiot! ALWAYS puts everything b4 his family, part of reason 4 divorce !!!!!!!!!!

I know his work is important but at this point his daughter NEEDS him more than a bunch of AFRICAN children !

Sorry i am probably being very unfair.

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glitterfairy · 30/10/2008 22:28

Maybe but to be honest at least she has you. I found one stable parent is the most important thing and know from clearing up the mess my X left on numerous occasions how irritating it is!

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ninah · 30/10/2008 22:35

It sounds like you've done loads this half term. I haven't been at work this week and you have done lots more than us! Don't forget it's OK to chill out too, you don't have to prove anything. Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job.

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LRB978 · 30/10/2008 23:15

Hey hun - tis 'Coke'. Started to read this thinking it sounded similar, then realised it was.

You are doing soooooooooo well. Its been a tough week at the end of a tough year, but you are doing fantastically. Listen to what everyone is saying. I have done very little this half term as well, and ds has had nearly 2 weeks, not just the week your dd has.

You do so much for dd, its hard for her now I know, but when she looks back she will thank you for all you have done.

He doesn't get to see what he is doing is wrong for her, because she is telling him what he wants to hear, not what she wants to tell him. She wants his love and thinks it is the way to keep it. You get the cr*p because you are the safe one, the one who is still there for her.

Sorry I missed you last night, MSN was playing up. Drop me an email or MSN me if you need a chat.

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LRB978 · 30/10/2008 23:18

Gah - like other posters, I have done very little, not like you. You have done loads, and you know how brave I think you are having a friend for dd over for the whole week.

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PurplePumpkinWitchyOne · 31/10/2008 05:30

I took DDs to see HSM3 on Sat for DD2s birthday party. Other than that, I did 3 hours work on Tues, and bugger all else.

My DD1 called me a cunt yesterday, so I packed her bag and dumped her on daddys doorstep last night. Gave her a fright, and gave daddy a fright (about time he woke up)
She does stuff cos she does feel safe, and knows how far she can push me,....but I won't be abused in my home like that. Not with the sly hair pulling and punches towards DD2 either. DD1 is nearly 14, shes old enought to KNOW.
I feelguilty for that, but I don't feel guilty for doing jack all during the hols. Time for a lie in and do what you want without the dominance of the school run every day.

Hope your feeling better tiger.
I'm off to bed for a couple of hours. The guilt will keep me awake no doubt!

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Tinkerbel6 · 31/10/2008 10:56

tigerlili don't feel guilty, we all lose our rag at times, we are only human.

PPWO don't feel guilty, I think you did the right thing, that isn't acceptable what your daughter did and you did what you felt was neccessary.

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tigerlili · 31/10/2008 12:09

Thankyou ALL, Hi LRB978!!!!!!

PPWO you definately did the right thing, 100%!!!!!!!

My DS has certain behavioural issues (10)because of what she has seen, and yes i have had to make very clear her behaviour unacceptable (sometimes) .

Thankyou all, i do feel better ! i have only done so much because i have had help! And yes i am busy trying to overcompensate because whe ds does see x he does exciting things like go to adventure parks,
which makes me feel bad as during term time i neither have the time nor money.

thankyou all again!

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