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I officially hate being single

(30 Posts)
beansmum Tue 28-Oct-08 14:42:09

Yes there are loads of good things about being single, making all the decisions, being so close to ds, not having to shave my legs...but I have finally had to admit to myself that actually it pretty much sucks. I am beginning to find it difficult to be happy for all my friends and family who are all starting to settle down and I don't like being so bitter. I had a dream last night that my sister broke up with her lovely boyfriend and dream me was happy about it. Please reassure me that I am not old and hideously unattractive and I am not going to be single forever! <pathetic and needy emoticon>

Pinkchampagne Tue 28-Oct-08 15:08:12

You won't be single forever! How long have you been on your own?

Spero Tue 28-Oct-08 15:08:18

I think you are probably falling into the trap of thinking the grass is always greener... I was looking at a friends facebook page photos last night (i need to get out more. Or at all) and was seething with envy at her hunky husband, lovely children and exotic foreign holidays. then I had to mentally slap myself and remember what she told me only last week about the true state of her marriage and how unhappy she is....

So yes, being single can suck. But so can being in a relationship with some one who is not right for you. Its not always better to be with someone.

Try to keep having hope and expect there to be a light at the end of the tunnel (which isn't a psychopath waving a torch as Terry Pratchett so helpfully points out).

Sorry, maybe not being helpful. But I felt awful and crap last night wishing I had a lovely fuzzy relationship... and i feel much better this afternoon.

hope you feel better soon. go out with some friends, if you can and have a laugh. Don't stay in and brood if you can possibly help it.

IllegallyBrunette Tue 28-Oct-08 15:10:42

Not sure what to say other than yes it is pants isn't it.

I am sure you already have people telling you it won't be forever, you never know what is just around the corner etc etc.

They may be right, but it is very very difficult to see that some days.

Spero Tue 28-Oct-08 15:12:35

there is always hope

VinegArghhhWasStabbedInTheTits Tue 28-Oct-08 15:15:27

Well i dont know about unatractive because i canny see you, but you are still young! you have plenty of timeto swettle down, i love being single, i just want a boyfriend for xmas, but i think i could live with one again, too old(36) and set in my ways

BloodyStranglingwithBling Tue 28-Oct-08 15:15:41

you are not old and hideously unattractive and you won't be single forever.

grin

beansmum Tue 28-Oct-08 16:06:31

grinThanks! I am just feeling sorry for myself because ALL my friends got married this summer (ok, not quite true) and I haven't had a date for 5 years and the guy I am in love with thinks I'm an idiot and I've just packed up all ds's baby stuff and given it away because there is really no point in keeping it 'just in case' and my sister and her bf are coming to stay tomorrow and they are such a lovely couple it makes me sickenvy. I'll get over it though, and loads of people my age are still single aren't they? (I'm 27 btw)

Pinkchampagne Tue 28-Oct-08 16:14:08

27 is really young!envy I am 9 years older than you & met my new DP just over a year ago, so you are not over the hill at all!! Someone will come along when you're least expecting it.

Spero Tue 28-Oct-08 16:26:49

give it five years, and I bet a lot of the newly weds will be newly divorced... I think 27 is very young, far too young to be married.

I think you can try to make a concious decision every day - I can either be single and miserable about it or I can be single and hopeful and try to enjoy my life as much as I can.

Yes, it can be very hard and depressing but I don't think that is an excuse for losing sight of everything else in your life that could be good.

I'm nearly 40 and I'm (mostly) still hopeful.

BloodyStranglingwithBling Tue 28-Oct-08 16:30:09

27 is very very young. I am repeating what I said above.

Being single can be lonely and frustrating I agree, but keep all those positives in mind (every time DP has a freak out because the house is untidy I do wonder about singledom...). Also, I think that you shouldn't be scared of hanging out with married/coupled up people. DP and I love having our single friends around and often find it's easier to have "hang out and chill" relationships with single friends than with couples. And even in a relationship, I still land up spending lots of time alone with my coupled up friends and ditto for DP.

Pinkchampagne Tue 28-Oct-08 16:35:20

I agree with Spero! (great positive attitudesmile) I was married at 26, but separated 7 years later! I planned some time on my own after that, but by chance met my lovely DP at a time I really wasn't looking for anyone. I was nearly 35 at the time, so loads older than you!

Pinkchampagne Tue 28-Oct-08 16:36:56

I remember being really envious of my single friend when I was unhappy in my marriage. The grass isn't always greener!

mummyfantastico Tue 28-Oct-08 16:45:19

loads of my married friends moan about their dh/ dw to me and sometimes i can sympathise but other times it drives me mad. It is really hard being a single mum, even if you have a really supportive family (like i do)

mummyfantastico Tue 28-Oct-08 16:47:40

was trying to write a fab supportive comment then but got distracted by the falling snow and forgot what i was saying, sorry grin

Spero Tue 28-Oct-08 16:53:16

it is hard being a single mum but i found it a lot harder being a single mum within a relationship, i.e. without any emotional support and very little physcial support.

i think a loving supportive relationship is one of the best ways to live your life but it is not the ONLY way.

Also, if you (collectively not individually) go about being all miserable and sighing about how unhappy you are, I think you are a lot less likely to meet/attract someone who is worth spending any time with.

Joolyjoolyjoo Tue 28-Oct-08 17:00:04

27 is not old!! I split up with my boyfriend of 7 years when I was 26, and met DH at 28. I had the most fantastic 2 years in between, wher I really forced myself to make the most of singledom, as I guessed the only guy I would be prepared to give my new freedom up for would have to be pretty special, so I was unlikely to be single again (at least for a while!) DH won me over, and I have no regrets, but very glad I made the most of those years. Please try to enjoy it, because when you DO meet Mr Wonderful, you will suffer little wistful flashbacks to your single life, where you had full possession of the remote control and noone else's dirty gear cluttering up your life!

Pinkchampagne Tue 28-Oct-08 17:30:41

Totally agree with every word again, Spero! I found it harder & more lonely being in my marriage when things were bad than I do now I live alone with the boys. I spent a lot of the time dealing with them alone, so being a single parent wasn't that huge a difference.

reikimarie Tue 28-Oct-08 18:18:37

I don't know if it's an age thing or having had four cohabiting partners over the years but I am nearly 45 and I don't know if I have just outgrown the 'need' to be in a relationship. I always used to be like that but now I am simply not.

Is anybody else like me now they are older, i.e. not desperate to meet somebody, quite happy pegging along at minute? Is it an age thing i.e. outgrown the need to feel validated by being in a couple?!

I used to feel all low and unhappy being alone in my late twenties, I am much more mellow now, but then as I say I've had four live-in partners over the years, perhaps I should just enjoy the 'retirement'??!

mummyfantastico Tue 28-Oct-08 18:40:02

I'm not bothered about meeting someone and I'm 28. I've been single for just over a year and most of the time i like it that way.

beansmum Tue 28-Oct-08 18:55:11

Wait until you've been completely without adult company for 5 years and then see if you still like it. I really need to get out more!

Liffey Tue 28-Oct-08 19:37:00

You're comparing being single with the first 18 months of a relathionship, so yeah compared with that the relationship is better.

But single is better than even a mediocre relationship. I don't suffer from loneliness. I like meeting friends but I don't hate the sound of silence either. Never have, and I like not feeling half of a unit. If I go somewhere, I'm not worried that somebody is bored or worse boring.

I do think society is FARRRRRRRR to geared for coupledom, it forces people into half-hearted relationships when they'd be better off staying single.

There are things I want mind you! A house, a decent career!

Liffey Tue 28-Oct-08 19:41:00

ps, 27 is SO young.

I'm so much older than you, but actually, I tend to think that if I ever get together with somebody again it'll be cos it's so right, if that makes sense. My being older and having children would sort out the wheat from the chaff, and save me the prolonged hassle of going out with somebody who wasn't actually that into ME... any girl/woman who looked a bit like me and was a bit like me would do.

beansmum Tue 28-Oct-08 19:49:51

I want to feel like half of a unit, I hate feeling like I'm alone. I'm making myself feel worse now! I just can't see how I am ever going to meet anyone and I don't know why anyone would ever want to be with me. I'm an idiot.

Liffey Tue 28-Oct-08 20:00:08

Oh beansmum! This won't cheer you up at all, but the most serious relationships I ever had weren't until my late 20s. 28-29, and then met the children's dad at 30. Mind you, that was a rebound and if I'd been firing on all cylinders I wouldn't have got together with him. SO important to wait and be with the right person..

BUT anyway,,,,,,,,,, if it's ANY consolation, in my case anyway, I have just become totally unconcerned with being single. ALthough some people might say that's sad in itself. I dunno.

What age your youngest? At school yet? Soembody said to me that that is the best time to meet somebody, when youngest goes to school. You feel all young and carefree again! I will, in 2 yrs . ARGH!

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