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Would it be really odd if I were to invite exH's new woman to DS3's Christening??

(26 Posts)
FAQ Tue 28-Oct-08 11:15:49

They're living together (yes already!!!) and have been for several months now. She's around every fortnight when exH has the boys and I know from what they (DS's) have said to me she does get involved, playing with them, taking them out to the park, etc etc. (I even hear rumour that she got up to DS3 when he woke in the night last weekend!!! - although I know that exH got up with him the following night)

I'm not in the slightest bit bothered by it (even when I hear "S did this with us, S did that for a week after they get back from his) , in fact it seems to be quite positive as they've been out and done stuff with exH that I know he would never have attempted to do with them on his own.

So, obviously she's involved in the boys lives, and it looks like it's going to be long term. So would it be really odd if I were to invite her to the Christening? Obviously she may not want to come, fair enough, but I do feel it would be good (for all involved) to show that I'm not at all hostile towards her, and accept that it looks like she's going to be a part of their lives long term........

doggiesayswoof Tue 28-Oct-08 11:17:45

I think it would be a lovely gesture and you are a cool and strong woman for considering it smile

Hope it works out for everybody

mishymoo Tue 28-Oct-08 11:19:07

If you all get on and she is going to be a 'constant' in your boys lives then why not. She would probably appreciate that you've invited her.

Carmenere Tue 28-Oct-08 11:19:12

I think it would be a good thing to do. She needs all the respect she can get because, lets face it, he is hardly a prize partner, is he. If she makes an effort with your children then I think the smart thing to do is to foster civil relations between you.

bozza Tue 28-Oct-08 11:19:44

If you feel OK with it then yes I think it would be a good thing. Have you met her before?

nailpolish Tue 28-Oct-08 11:20:56

hi FAQ

i think it would be a good message to send the boys. she is part of their life now and you are setting a good example to them

you should be proud of yourself

roomforthree Tue 28-Oct-08 11:24:15

YANBU at all - what a great attitude to have! So many women would choose to exclude their ex's new partner. How nice that you are thinking of the consequences for your DC.

leaxx Tue 28-Oct-08 11:24:35

this is a really decent thing for u to do, and will be brilliant for the kids to see you all getting along..hats off to you

spicemonster Tue 28-Oct-08 11:28:57

No it would not be odd. It would be big and very cool of you

LoolaBoys Tue 28-Oct-08 11:31:11

It is lovely that you can take this attitude. If you can I don't see why anyone else wouldn'r be able to smile

FAQ Tue 28-Oct-08 11:32:03

no I've never met her - he's not living in the same town as me now - is about 15 miles away.

lilibet Tue 28-Oct-08 11:33:04

It would really be the right thing to do. We had a confirmation service at our church recetnly where one girl's parents each brought along their new partners and I really admired the way they all seemd to get on.

I hope you have a great day.

OrmIrian Tue 28-Oct-08 11:37:57

Good for you. Extremely civilized to include her too.

dsrplus8 Tue 28-Oct-08 14:42:40

smileshe seems to really care for your kids,and is a good influence on your ex.if the kids like her then why not, she could end up back up 4 u ,with the kids and its always good to know whos around kids.

2point4kids Tue 28-Oct-08 14:44:36

It would be a fabulous thing to do. It would be good for you to meet her if she is becoming more involved in your childrens lives.
Good on you. smile

colacubes Tue 28-Oct-08 14:51:28

A great idea, show your boys how it should be done, very positive message to send to them. well done FAQ.

stealthsquiggle Tue 28-Oct-08 14:54:44

It would be a good thing and very big of you.

Can I make one small suggestion though - that you find a (subtle) way to make sure that there are some photos of exH and the boys without her in - if it turns out not to be a long term thing it might be awkward if all the christening photos with exH in also include her.

FAQ Tue 28-Oct-08 14:56:24

stealth - yes I will do.......but then I have photos of DS1 and 2's Christening with both of us in..........and it wasn't "forever" grin - not mention the photos of DS2 and his godmother (who I now loathe with a passion and only speak to if totally necessary blush)

stealthsquiggle Tue 28-Oct-08 15:01:46

Yes but you and ExH will be the boys parents forever no matter who you are with.... 'tis different!

FAQ Tue 28-Oct-08 15:06:07

that's true - althoughhe can have his photos taken with the boys and whoever else he wants for all I care - so long as I get plenty with just me and them grin

We've already agreed that he would like to do the vows bit too.........but will stand the opposite end of the godparents from me.

dismemberingdora Tue 28-Oct-08 15:14:10

you are really mature FAQ, not sure I'd be able to handle it. I know if it was me, I'd be dieting madly, exercising like a loon and buying all the Spanx products I could to show 'im what he's missin at the Christening. (am sadly immature, I know). How fantastic for your dcs that they have such a brilliant mum.Have a lovely day

FAQ Wed 29-Oct-08 14:03:33

well I have an update to this.......

I sent the invites this morning, including one addressed to exH and his NW....

This afternoon I've been chatting to DS1 about "hugs" (we had a major tantrum thrown) and I mentioned that "daddy and X hug" - and from what they've both (DS1 and 2) told me it would appear they're no longer living together and have split up blush

Going to ring him tonight to explain the invite that will arrive tomorrow - feel it will be less embarrassing for us both if I pre-warn him - don't want him ringing me tomorrow saying "ermm actually we've split up" and me having to act all surprised about it

So much for me being all grown up lol

colacubes Wed 29-Oct-08 17:10:41

Ohhhhhhhh! well be careful about the "sorry for the invite" explanation the kids could be wrong! Damned if you do damned uf you dont, well at least your exh will know what a wonderful exw he has!

elkiedee Wed 29-Oct-08 17:30:44

Oh well, the thought seemed to me like a really nice one.

FAQ Wed 29-Oct-08 17:41:30

no I'm pretty sure they're telling the truth - we were talking about hugs and how even big boys can have hugs "I bet daddy hugs X"

"NO!!" Said DS1 (8) "she doesn't live there anymore"

"daddy said she ran away" said DS2 (nearly 5)...and DS1 agreed with this (can't blame her really grin).

No I shall be very careful when I ring tonight

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