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I feel like I have no one I can rely on re childcare

(21 Posts)
cantpickyourfamily Fri 24-Oct-08 21:38:46

Exp works shifts and is unreilable, my mum has a younger partner who smokes weed and drinks beer alot during the day so feel it is not the right atmosphere to be around and my sister is good with dd but we do not always get on. So now I feel like I have no one to look after dd while I work.

I am looking for a childminder but they only work certain hours and I have to be out of my houe 8-8 which a childminder will not cover.

God I feel like no one can help me and everything is my responsibilty.

I feel like I have to stay in everyones good books just so I can get some help with dd, so if they are rude to me or bossy I have to take it just incase I really need there help.

I do not ask people for alot of help but cannot do everything on my own with dd. It is so hard being a single parent. I cannot afford a nanny for £8-£10 per hour as would not be worth me going to work.

mooog Sat 25-Oct-08 01:12:53

I didn't want to leave your thread unanswered even though I dont really have any answers for you. All I can suggest is maybe the social can help with tax credits even though I am not sure if you are entitled.
Hope you have some luck with this

OptimistS Sat 25-Oct-08 08:53:16

Phone up OFSTED and ask them to send you details of all the childminders in your area. Unlike nurseries, which tend to shut their doors after 6pm, about half of all childrminders work later than this and will do up to 10 pm and even overnight. Mine does. The OFSTED printouts of childminders clearly states the hours they are prepared to work, so you can see at a glance.

If you use an OFSTED-registered childminder and you're a single parent, you will normally get 80% of your childcare costs covered, unless you're earning loads of money. My salary is £21,000 and I qualify for 80%.

Like you, I have no family or friends who can offer reliable babysitting for work. As I have a childminder for work, though, it means that I can ask friends to babysit when I want to go out. If I was asking them to babysit for work, I'd feel it was asking too much to ask them to babysit for fun as well. There's a lot to be said for having a childminder. Good luck.

fizzbuzz Sat 25-Oct-08 09:18:21

Oh CPYF. I remember that feeling of having to be nice to all my family and take whatever shit they handed out, so I could get help with ds. I really really feel for you sad

However....your lo won't always be little, and then your turn will come with your family grin <evil cackle>

TheOtherMaryPumpkins Sat 25-Oct-08 09:21:58

There are CM out there who do unsocial hours, contact your local CIS who hold the list. Yes you will likely get the full 80% of fees paid for you by Childcare Element, unless you earn shedloads.

chickenmama Sat 25-Oct-08 15:10:54

Where do u live? I'm a CM and would work those hours, esp if I knew I was helping out another single parent

danceontherun Sat 25-Oct-08 17:44:12

Could you use a newly qualified nanny?You may be able to pay them less, £5, £6 hr.

gillybean2 Sun 26-Oct-08 09:42:53

If you get up to 80% back you might find it does become a viable option to employ a nanny.

I was looking at this as an option a few months ago as there are no childminders in my local area.

Did you know that a nanny can become OFSTED registered. You just have to find one prepared to do it. You may have to pay yourself to get them OFSTED registered in the first place, but then it can qualify for up to 80% of the costs back via the child care element of CTC. Long term it would quickly pay for itself.

It does take several weeks to get this sorted though. Plus you will have to employ the nanny and pay her tax etc rather than pay on an invoice.

Look at the childminder & nanny section on here, lots of useful info and experience available in there.

GypsyMoth Sun 26-Oct-08 16:05:12

would you expect someone to look after your most precious possesions for £5 or £6 per hour??

as a former nanny,its an insult!!! even more so as its unsocial hours!

lou33 Sun 26-Oct-08 16:11:36

i understand how you feel, i have dd1 who is 16, and she can do a lot of my babysitting, but aside from her atm i have noone else who could help out

if i want to go further than locally i would have to find an adult sitter, and there are none available, as my usual one has been sick for a while

i cant afford to pay either

gillybean2 Mon 27-Oct-08 07:45:01

Brie it might seem like an insult to you, but the reality is that people like myself (who are single, no ex or anyone else around to help, and only work part time so have to accept lower wages in favour of a little bit of flexibility) really can't afford to pay someone more than we earn ourselves!

I hired a cleaner for a short time to try and get my house in some kind of order. Taking into account the travel costs etc to work, it actually worked out cheaper to take time off and do the cleaning myself! So that didn't last long.

The only reason I can afford the holiday club my son goes to is because I can claim up to 80% of it back. If I didn't get this kind of help I'm afraid it simply wouldn't be worth my while to work.

I am considered by government calculations to be in fuel poverty and my child is being brought up in child poverty (and this was before the current credit crunch hot). We are not all high earners with partners who pay us maintenance of any worth. Every day is a struggle.

So while you may be insulted by £6 an hour the reality is we have to balance child care costs very carefully just to be able to eat. And the thought of paying out £6 an hour to me would start me panicing too. Where as I can just about cope with £2 an hour (which is around what I pay myself with the CTC topping up the other 80%).

If £6 an hour was the 20% I had to pay then there is no way I'd be working. Half of what I earn per hour already goes on petrol and parking costs simply to get to work!

£6 an hour to a lone parent on CTC actually means more like £30 an hour after CTC top up. Is that still insulting?

cantpickyourfamily Mon 27-Oct-08 09:00:59

Thank you all for your replys, now I have had some news from my boss to say hat all of the staffs commission will be cut due to the credit crunch so really do not think it is going to be worth while for me to go to work now. It is a nightmare...

cantpickyourfamily Mon 27-Oct-08 09:02:35

chickenmama - I am in south east london, where do you live?

GypsyMoth Mon 27-Oct-08 10:07:40

gillbean.....i'm a single parent myself,of 5!!!! and i manage to juggle it all without ripping off some poor new nanny!!

and i have no family or friends to rely on here either......i struggle,but with a clear conscience. i know what you're saying tho.....i'm living it too

Mum2OliverJames Mon 27-Oct-08 10:43:24

in linolnshire they have a website where you can do a site for childcare based on your postcode, it brings up all ofstead inspected childminders, nurserys etc, maybe your council have done the same?

Mum2OliverJames Mon 27-Oct-08 10:58:24

this is just like the site i went to, there isnt one for south east london but there is one for south london

Mum2OliverJames Mon 27-Oct-08 10:58:55

hope it helps smile

nailpolish Mon 27-Oct-08 11:02:21

hi

i know how you feel. its difficult isnt it. i do 12 hr shifts too so i understand a bit. (although i have a dh who helps)

have you tried gumtree? i had a major childcare nightmare about a year ago and i found 2 brilliant students who came round and helped me out. sometimes last minute. they would cook the dds tea and play with them. because they were early 20's, the dds thought they were so cool and trendy and loved them to bits

hope that helps

cantpickyourfamily Mon 27-Oct-08 15:06:39

mum2oliver - thanks I will have a look on there, also I spoke to someone who will send me a list of all the local childminders so hopefully I will find someone.

rebelmum1 Mon 27-Oct-08 15:22:23

If I was you I wouldn't go back, I just don't think it's humanly possible to work those shifts on your own without support. Is there other work in your area? Can you train to be a childminder yourself?

cantpickyourfamily Mon 27-Oct-08 15:49:24

The reason I was doing the job was because it was good money but now that my boss has put my commission down I will only do it untill xmas. Also It was flexable on the days I worked as could work as many or as little days as I wanted each week.

I want to do a photography course so am looking into that.

I'm not sure about training to be a childminder, it is hard enough to look after my dd let alone two others. grin

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