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I'm really struggling :(

(8 Posts)
sillybillybee Tue 21-Oct-08 21:27:37

Just a rant to let off some steam, don't think anyone can offer me any help so feel free to ignore.

I've had a really shite 2 weeks with DS, he won't go to sleep at night but is still getting up early and its leaving me exhausted. His behaviour is horrible, aggressive and mean and I've tried everything I can but it doesn't work.
I'm fed up of having NO money (and I mean none) bills are crippling me and school just want money after money after money.
I'm sick of being lonely and talking to a computer all night.
And last of all I'm hating my job, there is an end in sight to this one but right now everything else is clouding over it.

Kaplumbagadort Tue 21-Oct-08 21:32:27

Hi sillybillybee.
It is exhausting being a single parent. I have 4 DC to manage alone and nearly lost my temper with stroppy madam DD1! She cried and screamed for about 45 mins over not wanting to walk the dog.
How old is your DS?

Money is tight for a lot of people at the moment.

I can sympathise with you feeling lonely. I am too and spend every night on the comp.

Things will get better. Even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

Is it possible to look for another job?

sillybillybee Tue 21-Oct-08 21:57:08

Thanks for the reply, DS is 8 but is acting like a 2 yr old with an 18 yr olds attitude.

I know that things will get better on the job and money front, like I said there is an end in sight. I just can't see the wood for the trees right now.

Fluffybubble Tue 21-Oct-08 22:02:23

Can you let ds have a banana and watch a dvd / cartoons for a little while in the morning, whilst you get a tiny lay-in? Lack of sleep is rubbish, and it won't help if you are feeling low generally.

I think a lot of us feel the way you do about the lack of money and the loneliness, you are not alone (although that probably doesn't help, sorry!)...

OptimistS Tue 21-Oct-08 22:20:45

Kids do seem to go through a bit of an obnoxious phase at this age. I have a friend with a daughter of the same age who could have written your post herself. I sympathise.

Has anything happened to your DS lately? Might not be anything big, but sometimes even something fairly small and trivial can cause a child to behave differently. If not, it may be that he's just taken a step further towards developing his independence and unfortunately it's coming out as challenging behaviour. I'm sure you're doing a great job and this behaviour will pass eventually.

Don't want to sound completely patronising here but have you tried a reward chart? He gets a sticker every time he goes to bed without a fuss and when he gets four stickers in a row he gets a treat? I know money is a problem but the treat needn't be expensive. Or you could use treats such as promising to sit down and spend an hour making something together, or baking in the kitchen, etc. You can back this up by having a three strikes and you lose a privilege stick as well as the reward carrot. Does he have a games console you can confiscate or a favourite TV programme you can stop him from watching? Ideally though, it's best to concentrate on being positive.

About money, it's worth contacting your school. Some schools have a bit of a support fund that they can use to help lone parents.

Is there a lone parents group in your area? It's a great way to make new friends. The beauty of having other lone parents as friends is that not only do they understand the difficulties you face, but because there is only one other adult rather than a pair, you can stay over each others houses as you can be somewhat flexible and creative with sleeping arrangements.

Last but not least, don't beat yourself up about this. I don't believe there is a parent alive (whether single or paired up) who hasn't lost their temper with their children at some point. It's called being human. You're having a rough time and are entitled to feel crappy about it. It's so much easier if you can offload on to someone, even if it's over a forum or on the telephone, so keep posting when it all gets too much. In the meantime, think of your current problems a bit like labour: hurts like hell but it will come to an end.

sillybillybee Tue 21-Oct-08 22:25:17

He does get up etc by himself but once hes up i'm awake - i'm a light sleeper.

Just been upstairs and looked in on him, hes finally asleep. He looks so angelic when hes asleep and i love him so much, then when hes awake he turns into a monster when hes around me.

Anyway am sat here crying so I'm going to go to bed now and try and get some sleep.


OptimistS Tue 21-Oct-08 22:32:46

Sillybillybee, I hope you're not reading this unless it's wednesday and you've managed to get some sleep. Sounds like exhaustion may be the root of all your problems to be honest. Is there anyone who could take DS for a night to allow you a really good night's rest?

Also, don't take the bad behaviour personally. In a way it is personal, but it's a good way. Kids tend to be little gits around those that they feel secure with; those they know who will love them unconditionally no matter what they do. So take comfort from the fact that you're obviously raising a well-loved, secure and confident little boy.

Hope things get better soon.

sillybillybee Wed 22-Oct-08 10:15:02

thanks optimists, I did get some sleep although I still need more. I'm going to try to get some iron and vitamin tablets I think, although I didn't eat a lot of meat, I now don't eat any. If that doesn't help I'll see about making a docs appointment because I had a thyroid illness a few yrs ago and it could be that it has returned.

I briefly read earlier post last night but xposted, I can't think of anything thats happened other than he saw his father again hmm but thats a whole other story. I've asked him if anythings bothering him, telling him that I can't help him unless I know but he says nothing, so either there is and he doesn't feel he can tell me or there is nothing.

Re the reward chart, he earns money (not a lot but a bit) for being good, doing his school work etc (school work was a big problem last year, this year he seems to be doing it ok). He likes earning his money as he's always saving up for new lego.

I can see things a bit clearer today, but am still feeling tearful and its not like me at all but hopefully I can move forwards.

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