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My EXH took my babies to his army barracks!!!!!

(14 Posts)
megandsoph Mon 07-Mar-05 16:18:36

I have never stopped my exh taking the children to scotland when he is on leave as I want to girls to see their dad and grandma but recently whilst on two wks leave he got the girls in the car already to go and casually informed me that he was not going to scotland he was infact taking them down to his army barracks in southampton to stay in a block full of lads where there is fighting, smoking, drinking, even drugs going on and I know this as before I got pregnant with DD1 I was in the army in the same barracks. I was absoloutley petrified espesially as DD2 is only 2 and has asthma and EXh has never had to deal with an attack.... but I didn't think I had any rights to stop him. I have just watched something about child abducters and it said that for a parenet to take a child away from it's resident parent (ME) with out concent of the resident parent then it is classed as abdution does anyone know if this is true????

beachyhead Mon 07-Mar-05 16:21:16

Are they allowed to stay in the barracks? Surely part of your agreement is that you agree where they are going to be sleeping?

uwila Mon 07-Mar-05 16:32:36

But, he told you before he left with them, right? I don't think that would be abduction. If he came and picked them up without your knowledge, that might be abduction.

Not justifying what he did. I completely understand you being mad about it. Is there somewhere you can ring (CSA?) to find out what the restrictions are. I am certainly no expert, just want to offer my support because of course drugs, etc. are not a suitable environment for young children (or even grown ones for that matter)

megandsoph Mon 07-Mar-05 16:35:02

I never arranged an agreement I just have never stopped him seeing the girls when he wants as he only sees them about 4 times a year max, but it was just the fact that he took them there I called the guard room to keep an eye on them but apperently yes they are allowed in there ( the rule must of changed since 2001) when I left the army. It' a very dangerous place for two little ones under 5 to be. there has been muders and drugs in that place and I hate the fact that they have been subjected to it.... I have had my solister contact his to tell him that I do not permit this to happen again I do not mind him taking to the married quarters where they can stay in a friends house but not in the block

tammybear Mon 07-Mar-05 16:35:34

well as the primary carer you have the right to know where your children are going, and if you're not happy with it, you have the right to say no even if he is the father.

megandsoph Mon 07-Mar-05 16:37:50

Uwila, thanks hun.... aye he told me as he was closing the door of the car. But apperently if had told him no he couldn't take him to the block and he refused to listen and just took them that would be abduction... not totally sure but he should know soon from my solisitor that it won't be happening again

uwila Mon 07-Mar-05 16:41:41

megandsoph, I think your reaction (in calling your solicitor) is both fair and wise. It's easy to lash out in circumstances like this. But, I think you acted appropriately.

And, I think it will also send the message that he can't get away with such things in future.

Caligula Mon 07-Mar-05 16:42:12

It sounds like he didn't really think about the implications of it.

Just tell him that you don't want him taking them there again for the reasons you've described. If he's reasonable, he'll understand why you feel it's unsuitable, if he's not, you'll just have to tell him that he's not allowed to take the girls there.

Then of course, he'll complain that you're denying him access, but what can you do? You can't have the kids go to a place like that with irresponsible young men - there could even be guns lying around, it is just too dangerous. I can understand why you feel extremely jittery about this.

Hopefully, he'll have seen for himself just what a bad idea it was. Is your relationship good enough with him to discuss it reasonably, without making him feel defensive?

megandsoph Mon 07-Mar-05 18:23:04

Caligula
u are right and everyone else, I think I have been quite resonable with him after the way the relationship ended I could of been funny about acsess but I really hate any sort of arguing, heated conversations thats sort of thing I did tell him he should of told me earlier as in the two years we have been separated he has only ever took them to his home town in scotland with his mother and brother which I will always want the girls to do, but are relationship is still quite bitter and he told me when I expressed my worries that "he can take the girls where ever he wants"

Caligula Mon 07-Mar-05 18:59:32

And that is where he is absolutely wrong and a responsible adult would recognise that. He may not take the girls to a place where actually, their life could be endangered. He does not have full control of them, much as he might like to have.

What does his mother think of him taking him off to such an unsuitable environment?

megandsoph Mon 07-Mar-05 19:12:51

Caligula,
TBH I really don't think she was bothered I called my mother after he left as I was in a state and my mum thought he must of been joking and he was just trying to worry me and she suggested I call his mother in scotland so I did... I asked her if he was going there and she said no he was off down to the barracks as if there was nothing wrong with it... but she has always been like that as EXh is her little boy and he can't do no wrong.... I wouldn't mind but my mother and father were just as terrified as me as my dad was in the army and knows exactly what them place are like. I just hope that if he tryies it again I am definetly aloud to stop him

somebody Mon 07-Mar-05 19:32:23

Message withdrawn

megandsoph Mon 07-Mar-05 21:01:44

Somebody,
cheers hun!! tis hard as I don't want to let DD's down DD1 is always talking about him DD2 really isn't bothered and she always gets upset when he takes them.... Think I definetly need to take ur advice and start being stronger with him...
Thanks for all ur support
Clare
xx

somebody Tue 08-Mar-05 20:02:54

Message withdrawn

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