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Can i move to another area if ex-p doesnt agree?

(16 Posts)
glitterball Sat 18-Oct-08 11:49:05

here goes: left ex-p 4 months ago. we have ds2 between us, i also have ds1 (who has no contact with his real dad, never has, and who considers ex-p as his dad, albeit he knows biologically he isnt iyswim).

ex-p lives in our old house which we're going to hang on to til market improves. i live in another house 5 miles away. ex-p sees boys 1hr a day mon-thurs and from 5.30 fri to mid-afternoon sun. they're with me rest of time.

ds1 has just failed 11plus (by 1 point) for our area. the non grammar schools locally are awful. ds1 is bright (but lazy, and cant concentrate in exams which i think is why he didnt do as well as classmates despite the fact he outperforms them through the year) and i think he needs to be at a 'good' school.

i have the chance to put him in for another 11plus in a different area...it is an area i know well & i have friends there. the non-grammar schools there are, imo, better than they are here. i have no ties to the area we live in now, i only moved here so ex-p could live near his family - who we never see anyway hmm

i've spoken to ds1 & he'd like the chance to try again with the 11plus, also he knows the schools he could go to here & doesnt want to.

we would be moving about 30 miles from where we are now. ex-p would still have boys fri-sun, but he would lose the hour a day mon-thurs. i dont think thats much of a price to pay for a better education, i have broached this briefly with ex-p but he strongly disagrees, and has said there is no way he will 'allow' me to take ds's away. even though it will make little difference to the current arrangements.

my question is can i do this? am i setting myself up for a big conflict, and is ex-p likely to be able to prevent it?

MadameCastafiore Sat 18-Oct-08 12:01:13

XH tried to stop us moving from SE London/Kent near where he worked so it was easier for him to pick DD up to NE Essex which he has a 60 minute journey to from work but only a 30 minute journety from home to.

My solicitor received a letter from his stating his grievances but saying that as we would actually be moving to the same county as him he had been advised that it would be foolish to take it any further.

I really don't think you ahve anything to worry about therefore.

glitterball Sat 18-Oct-08 12:08:30

thanks madamec...we are also kent/london borders at moment, & its essex i'm looking to move to! (honestly, am not some weird mn stalker grin)

nolongeraworriedmummy Sat 18-Oct-08 12:20:51

no we moved 60 miles away and were not stopped, my friend moved out of the country and the judge said that it was a better life and chance for the dc so allowed it.

Liffey Sat 18-Oct-08 18:16:04

Nolongeraworreidmummy, can you give me any more details about your friend who moved out of the country? Waht the judge was called for example? What country did she move to? Thanks. Would really appreciate it.

Lauriefairycake Sat 18-Oct-08 18:27:02

How bad is the school he will end up going to? bad enough for you to uproot the family and for them to stop seeing dad every day? It will be a huge impact for them to not see their dad every day when they're used to it now.

What is the ofsted report like ? poor? satisfactory? good?

glitterball Sat 18-Oct-08 19:21:59

i havent looked at ofsted but gcse results are pretty appalling (below national average) and a levels even worse, schools have their own police officer, that kind of thing. i just have no confidence that ds1 will achieve his potential there - i know from my own experience what a difference a good school makes.

i admit there is an element of selfishness in this, as i could also do with putting some distance between me & ex, because the way things are now i feel he still doesnt quite 'get' that we are over. but i dont think it will affect the boys that much - i know its slightly different but they dont see me from fri morning to sun afternoon as it is & are fine with that. both boys play football sat & sun with most of their (current) school friends & would keep that up if we moved, so is not as though they would never see their friends again either.

nolongeraworriedmummy Sat 18-Oct-08 19:46:47

Liffey cant remember what the judge was called but it was at a Bradford court in west yorkshire (I can find out as ex dh worked with him) and they were moving to new zealand, the exh had contact with dc every fortnight and paid mantainance but the mother had been offered a job in new zealand and the judge ruled that the child would have better life chances when he saw where they were going so allowed them to go.

yerblurt Sat 18-Oct-08 20:33:03

"better life chances" ...

pity that dad and child will be at opposite ends of the world huh.

... still I'm sure the child will understand that in years to come eh?

*rolls eyes*

BloodAndMutts Sat 18-Oct-08 20:44:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BloodAndMutts Sat 18-Oct-08 20:46:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yerblurt Sat 18-Oct-08 20:48:20

I was referring to the New Zealand move lol

yerblurt Sat 18-Oct-08 20:49:33

however, I was intrigued by glitterball's remarks that
"i admit there is an element of selfishness in this, as i could also do with putting some distance between me & ex"

BloodAndMutts Sat 18-Oct-08 20:56:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glitterball Sat 18-Oct-08 21:25:15

personally i wouldnt move out of the country. i would have stayed put & suffered ex being on my doorstep & checking up on me all the time, however irritating i find that, if not for the schools thing.

i wouldn't want to move too far - even though i could move 250-300 miles away (where i also have friends, there are good schools & property is much cheaper) i wouldnt because its too far. and not fair on him or the boys. i still want him to see the boys at the weekend as he does now, & also be close enough that he could come to parents evenings, school plays that kind of thing, so he neednt miss out on anything.

in fairness i have friends who travel further than the distance we're moving to get to work every day. however ex finds driving a chore so that is probably part of the problem. i dont drive yet but am planning to take my test in next few months, once i have, i would be happy to collect or drop boys off at weekends to make it easier for him.

Liffey Sun 19-Oct-08 13:25:52

nolonger thanks for that. That's very interesting. Was the father a 'bad' father?, or just hopeless, or was it simplythat the mother could provide a better life?

tvm

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