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so, i have "met" someone online ... he sounds too good to be true - should alarm bells be ringing or am I a nasty cynical paranoid person?

(21 Posts)
TheWheelsOnTheBusHaveFallenOff Wed 15-Oct-08 21:18:22

just started internet dating, met a few duds and now come across someone who seems like he could be great. shared interests, backgrounds, basic stuff etc etc all good.

here are my concerns:

- he is very in touch with how I'm feeling, to the extent that is scary. seems to predict what I might be thinking (accurately). Is he just a nice sensitive type or a manipulative but charming psychopath?

- he is fighting like crazy for access to his child. he tells me a fair bit about this. is this good information sharing or too much info / too much going on in his life?

- his ex left him for another man, after he confronted her about an affair. is he telling the truth or do women really do this? I know this is a stupid question but I'm so cynical given all the tales of bastard exs and cheating dhs on here that I am automatically thinking he must have done something really wrong himself. but he could just be the wronged party, right?

- exchanging emails about your personal life, taste in books and films etc doesn't mean you know someone. What if he is a complete psycho - not in an obvious way but in a Richard-from-Corrie way (if you remember Gail's charming but manipulative psycho murderer husband?!) How likely is this - anyone met or been married to a man who seemed just wonderful then turned out to be a maniac control freak / psycho?

Basically, I am SCARED. He seems too good to be true, so I think he probably is. He returns my emails very quickly, is dead keen to meet up. Is he quite simply just keen or is there a hidden agenda? I know YOU don't know - but neither do I, this is the whole damn problem with the internet dating thing.

Please talk sense to me, one way or another!

BetteNoire Wed 15-Oct-08 21:20:08

Trust your instincts.

objectivityislivid Wed 15-Oct-08 21:20:47

Only way to find out is to meet him after more chatting...safely of course!

I think in general intuition is very accurate but only you know if your intuition is tainted by hang ups you may have about being let down/not feeling worthy of a genuine and decent man, etc. iyswim?

UnfortunatelyMurderedMe Wed 15-Oct-08 21:21:49

have you spoken to him on the phone?
maybe do that, then meet him somewhere public, he may be perfect, there may also be no spark.
Good luck!

expatinscotland Wed 15-Oct-08 21:22:13

Go with your gut!


I tried net dating once and gave up on it, tbh.

TheWheelsOnTheBusHaveFallenOff Wed 15-Oct-08 21:23:32

BetteNoire, this is my problem ... half of me thinks he is just a nice, regular bloke who is keen to meet up with someone like minded. the other half thinks surely such a man doesn't exist.

not been burnt before on the dating front, have just been out of the dating scene for a very long time ie 13 years.

notsoseriousanymore Wed 15-Oct-08 21:26:17

I'm with the 'go with your gut instinct' on this one.

I met a chap once (actually in RL) and he seemed so great - in fact, I'd use the words TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE and, errr.. it was... Far to good to be true.

And ended in a lot of heartache and pain (but not for him. He was too fucking thick skinning / clueless to care)

For a long time, (Far too long) I put this chap's behaviour down to being caring and considerate and kind. He was a fucking weirdo and I hope I never see him again.

sorry for the language.

sleepycat Wed 15-Oct-08 21:26:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needtoask Wed 15-Oct-08 21:32:46

dh was a blind date, well he knew who i was but i had no idea who he was
we met up and went to party, had fun but i just let things go easy for a while(he sent me flowers and was the perfect gentlemen)

just meet him safely

he may be really lonely and wanting company

agree go with your gut

SpandexIsMyEnemy Wed 15-Oct-08 22:26:26

go with your instincts.

talk on the phone lots.

meet in public places.

keep an air of caution about you with it.

re the feelings thing - DP is v v v in touch with his feelings and likes to tell me how he's feeling a lot - it's taken some getting used to, and can sometimes be too much but then again, it's good to have someone so in tune with how you're feeling.

TheWheelsOnTheBusHaveFallenOff Wed 15-Oct-08 22:46:52

thanks again all. going to speak on phone later in the week and will sleep on it for now.

Flightattendant2 Sat 18-Oct-08 14:12:06

I'd be scared too, reading your oP.

He sounds way too intense and I hate to say it but a man who is 'fighting like crazy' for access to a child would worry me until I knew him very well indeed...not because all men doing this are bad or wrong, but because it is a complicated situation and there is never a clear line of fault on one side iyswim.

Perhaps he is keen to demonstrate that he is in a secure relaitonship so that he looks good with the courts.

You just don't know him. I wouldn't date him fwiw mainly because of the other points you mention. He sounds freaky and scary.

MrsMattie Sat 18-Oct-08 14:13:17

I wouldn't get tied up with a man going through a messy break-up / custody battle, to be honest - internet or no internet.

Prettyfull Sun 19-Oct-08 09:54:17

Hi, yeah i agree i probably wouldnt either,..but sounds like you possibly might like him?

Have you spoken to on msn, using a webcam to check he is who he says he is? Have you seen plenty of photos, spoken on the phone etc?

If your going to meet him, id suggest taking a friend with you regardless of how silly you feel. Ask him to bring a mate along to if need be. You can never be 100% sure like ya say,...

Let us know what happens xx

talie101 Sun 19-Oct-08 11:09:19

I would not read too much into things initially.

I've tried internet dating myself and you build up a friendship via text/emails etc but you almost have a false image of that person and it can be a huge let down when you meet them.

Talk on the phone first and if you still like the sound of that person arrange to meet in a public place. You can then be sure that he is what you think you like etc......

Only on meeting each other face to face will you be able to tell if you have 'chemistry' etc

If you're like me and trust your gut instinct a chat on the phone can alleviate any fears or sound alarm bells! I have had a guy who sounded lovely initially on the phone and I was going to meet him but he innundated me with texts and calls and got annoyed with me not replying when he wanted me too etc..... I had to threaten him with the police to stop him! Psycho!!!!!

But don't let that put you off... although I haven't met the man of my dreams on the internet, I have been talking to a couple of guys for a few years and they are absolutely fantastic friends now! They are always there for a chat when I need them, if my girl friends aren't.

Good luck and have lots of safe fun x

zippitippitoes Sun 19-Oct-08 11:12:26

i wouldnt get involved with someone who was embroiled in issues from his previous relationships

there are plenty of people who arent

too complicated and always going to cause problems

i think its best to meet online dates quite soon or otherwise you miss the moment and never meet them some people arent interested in meeting

memoo Sun 19-Oct-08 11:19:16

I met DP on line and he was exactly the same. He phoned me when he said he would, was really attentive and understanding, and seemed to have so much in common that i thought he was too good to be true. He also adored his DD's more than anything in the world.

Eventually we met in a resturaunt and he was wonderful, really genuine, exactly how he had been online and on the phone. 2 1/2 years later nothing has changed, he is fab. He is a wonderful dad to my DC. We are getting married next year and hoping for a baby of own own.

I've now come to realise that the reason I felt suspicious of him was that I was so use to being with men who treated me badly that when a good one came along I didn't believe it could possibley be true.

You are right to be cautious re meeting up etc but follow you heart and your instincts.

It sounds to me that whats actually happening is that you've finally met a good man.

Goodluck x

chubbasmum Sun 19-Oct-08 22:07:37

Hi ya dont judge a book by in this case gut and tv go out for a meal with him a couple of dates because first encounters can be decieving because neither of you are your selves you probably would be dead nervous so i say go for it and see where it takes you otherwise you might be letting happiness pass you by good luck

TheWheelsOnTheBusHaveFallenOff Mon 20-Oct-08 18:09:16

hello again - thanks for all the messages. just to update - it's classic isn't it, I always overthink and analyse in advance rather than just getting on with doing something!!! We spoke on the phone and for me it was a real damp sqiub. He was nice but not very engaging or dynamic and nothing clicked for me. He's emailed a couple of times since then to say how nice it was to talk to me - think I am going to have to email back and say thanks but there wasn't the connection for me that I had hoped for and I would like to leave things there. Hopefully he will continue to be nice and sensitive and not now hound me with emails or calls!!

UnfortunatelyMurderedMe Sun 26-Oct-08 08:50:25

awww, better luck next time!

allgonebellyup Mon 27-Oct-08 19:08:34

maybe you should just meet in the flesh before deciding no?
the bloke i was seeing sounds terrible on the phone with a really bad lisp , but i fancied him lots in the flesh!
Shame he dumped me, eh?

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