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Advice on maintenance.

(13 Posts)
spookycharlotte121 Wed 15-Oct-08 13:28:26

Have come to the conclusion that I am a total fool. Ds is now 16 months and dd is 4 months and I have pretty much recieved nothing from exp for either of them since they were born. Exp has given me about £200 in total since dd was born which averages out at about £10 a week! Not much for 2 kids. Im constantly asking him for money and am always being left with empty promises and nothing materialises. I want to go to the CSA and get what im entitled to but I know he's going to go mad and Im unsure of how he might react. wwyd? we can just about manage living off of the money i get from child tax credits and child benefit, but it does leave things very tight and means we rarely are able to afford luxuries. The council have just repaid me some money they owed me so things arnt as tight at the mo but that money will only last so long. I just dont know what my ex will if I go to the csa.

Lauriefairycake Wed 15-Oct-08 13:32:03

what sort of job does he have? a decent one where he will eventually get the payments taken out of his salary or a dodgy cash-in-hand one that the CSA have enormous trouble enforcing?

Is he likely to give up work to avoid paying?

spookycharlotte121 Wed 15-Oct-08 15:38:17

Well hes an idiot. He had a job that meant I was supposed to get £40 a month for the 2 kids but he lost that along with a string of others.... he now is insisting that he "cant" find work. IMO if I was in his shoes I would work at tesco if it put food on the table but he thinks that is uncool and so will only take jobs which he "likes"
He has a licence to drive fork lift trucks so thats what he normally does but at the moment he wont work. Its very frustrating. It just means my money has to stretch further. But i suppose if he isnt working then I cant do much at the moment. The thing is I dont work either so money is tight.

shelleylou Thu 23-Oct-08 13:32:50

charlotte if he is on JSA you can get £5 per week out of it that is taken directly from the benefit. Not much i know but it does help. You will have to get intouch with the CSA to get this unless he had put on his claim form he wanted to opt out of it and he isnt having the dc overnight. HTH

spookycharlotte121 Thu 23-Oct-08 15:43:49

I dont think he is claiming jsa. He is supposed to be coming over this evening so I think I need to have a propper talk with him and make it clear that I am going to the csa.

shelleylou Thu 23-Oct-08 15:55:22

You need to or he'll continue with the empty promises of giving you money. Even if he bought a few packets of nappies each week it would be a help to you. Dont let him use emotional blackmail on you or any other way to ersuade you not to go through with it.

spookycharlotte121 Thu 23-Oct-08 16:00:14

I know shellylou, thats all it is... empty promises. I just find it hard to stand up to him because a. I still love him and b. he knows all the right buttons to press. Im a total walk over.

shelleylou Thu 23-Oct-08 16:05:07

Change the rules. You love your kids more than him and they need things its amazing how quickly they go from 1 shoe size to a size and a half bigger. You will be nsuring that your kids have everything they need

spookycharlotte121 Thu 23-Oct-08 16:09:57

yep your right. Doesnt look like hes coming over this evening now. he is ignoring my calls.... no supprises there. seems to be his thing at the moment, promising one thing and doing totally the opposite!

shelleylou Thu 23-Oct-08 16:15:48

Sounds like my ex. Youve said to him before that you are going to the CSA haven't you?

spookycharlotte121 Thu 23-Oct-08 16:26:57

yeh.... he either jokes and says go on then... they wont get the money out of me or makes more empty promises which i stupidly fall for. So sick of it.... I have tried to hate him and in a way I do but I still totally love him so he knows he can walk all over me.

shelleylou Thu 23-Oct-08 16:32:40

Call his bluff then hes said go for it so do it. Show him you cant be walked over, you call the shots when it come to the dc's.

Tinkerbel6 Fri 24-Oct-08 11:07:25

charlotte call the csa and get the ball rolling, it might take a brown envelope landing on his mat to make him put his hand in his pocket on his own accord, agree you have to toughen up a bit, your love for him won't put food on the table, let him see that you are toughening up, you can do it

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