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tomorrow i'm leaving dh what do i tell the kids

(21 Posts)
fairy15 Tue 14-Oct-08 18:31:12

the big day has arrived. he does'nt know that i am going, i am leaving because he has been violent. ds's are 11 months & 2.5 years. the older one will ask about him, what do i say? any advice would be great.

shelleylou Tue 14-Oct-08 18:40:23

Hi, im not really sure what to say the only thing i can think of is something along the lines of mummy and daddy arent going to live together but both of us love you. I haven't got to that stage with my ds its something hes used to and not got the vocabulary to ask.
Well done for being so strong and best of luck.

citronella Tue 14-Oct-08 18:51:06

Good Luck fairy15. Agree with shelleylou but if he feels loved by you and you can keep him absorbed in play he might be oblivious.

PurplePumpkinWitchyOne Tue 14-Oct-08 18:52:00

Wishing you lots of luck for tomorrow Fairy.
You are doing the right thing.

Was following your other thread too. Let us know how you're getting on, won't you!
Keep strong and keep the faith.

CarGirl Tue 14-Oct-08 18:54:12

Thinking of you Fairy. Not sure what you say apart from your not going to be living in the same house anymore but he will see Daddy.

Lmccrean Tue 14-Oct-08 19:08:09

Dont have any advice other than whats already been said but wanted to say good luck for tomorrow. I hope it goes smoothly x

mamalovesmambo Tue 14-Oct-08 19:18:52

HI, just make sure you and childen are happy - if he doesn't like it, You have been strong enough to get this far. Explain when things die down and you have settled a bit. They will be upset but will understand. Also they will know that Mummy and Daddy were not happy together. Good luck and am proud of you.

fairy15 Tue 14-Oct-08 20:10:49

great thanx everyone

popcorn123 Tue 14-Oct-08 21:15:48

My 2 were 3.5 and 2.1 when I left. There were suprisingly few questions - I didn't move far so their life was unchanged otherwise.
I think they take their lead from you. So if you are upbeat about thing (even if only pretending) they will tend to follow.
My older ds is still struggling to understand why he is not in his own house - dad didn't play a significnat part in day to day life and he has coped fine without them.

At 2.5 you ds will settle into his new life quicky.

Hope all goes well tomorrow.

HRHSaintMamazon Tue 14-Oct-08 21:17:28

They are si young i doubt you will have too many questions. mine were 4 and 10 weeks when we left.

for the first day or two you may get "where's daddy" but you can just say gone to work, or out atteh shops.

they will forget all about it soon enough.

well done for having teh strength to leave. stay safe and good luck

mashedup Tue 14-Oct-08 22:52:54

I left my ex when my DCs were 2 and 3. There was a few questions, but they were happy with new surroundings, and going to a new playschool, etc. They settled a lot quicker than I did.
Good luck fairy, I hope it all goes well for you.

Liffey Wed 15-Oct-08 15:23:17

fairy, I told my oler child that I left because i was miserable with her dad. i haven't told her about the vilence. although when she's older, i won't be able to keep it private. it's left a scar on me I suppose, I can't cover it up entriely to somebody who will, I hope, be as close to me as my children will be when thye're adults. I won't go on about it.

Good for you Fairy. I'm really happy for you. You will see your children flourish (if they've witenssed rows and violence).

yes there will be a lot of questions, but my dc1 is happier and more confident and more full of fun than she was this time last year. I only realise now how palpaple the tense atmosphere must have been to her too.

mrsmortenharket Wed 15-Oct-08 16:30:24

(((((((((((((fairy))))))))))))))

well done sweetheart xxxx
i don't know your history and i wasn't in the same situation as you but i did leave x just over a year ago. my dd was 2 and 1/2 almost. now she asks some questions but it is easier on her if i can be positive about things.

one thing i have noticed is that lately, she is talking about her teddy (can be anyone of them) having feelings about her mommy and daddy living in different houses (or words to that effect). we talk about the teddy's feelings, not hers directly, and i think that it helps her to think things through without geting too upset about things. i always tell her that teddy's mommy and daddy love teddy (tho this may not happen with you and your dc) and end with a cuddle if teddy is feeling better.

shellylou's uggestion is a good one, just keep things simple for now - when your eldest asks, answer him honestly, then distract him with a cuddle and do something else to distract his mind and feelings. good luck sweetheart, you will be fine xxxx

ps when you feel ready, maybe you could register with gingerbread/one parent families for support?

xxxx

Lmccrean Thu 16-Oct-08 10:10:19

hi fairy15

was just thinking about you. hope all went well x

CarGirl Thu 16-Oct-08 18:51:30

Hi

Hope it went okay, my adaptors arrived today, thank you very much.

beeny Thu 16-Oct-08 18:58:50

Good luck

fairy15 Sun 19-Oct-08 14:44:51

thanx everyone for your support on my threads. i have now left him. my older ds 2.5 months does keep asking about him which makes me sad that i have taken them away from their dad but i am hoping that once we have a place of our own & are more settled he will be ok.

nolongeraworriedmummy Sun 19-Oct-08 15:29:53

Well done Fairy!

pushchair Sun 19-Oct-08 15:53:07

good luck fairy just caught this thread

SimpleAsABC Sun 19-Oct-08 15:56:22

well done. sure you'll find plenty of support on here should you want it!

piratecat Sun 19-Oct-08 15:57:44

hope you are ok fairy. it will be tough in ways. and it will all be different, yet for you it sounds as tho it will be a positive thing.

my dh left when dd was 2 1/2 yrs. obv a bit different as we were still in our marital home, and she did keep talkign about him. for a while i said he was at work, then i said he was living by himself, but he would be back to visit. tbh it was ok, tho it got harder when she got older, esp around age 4.

Yet for you, and yours i think you will be fine. stay positive, and good luck.x

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