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I feel he is trying to worm his way back into my life...

(10 Posts)
cantpickyourfamily Sun 12-Oct-08 17:37:41

Broke up with exp about 2months ago, he was being violent towards me but this is not a regualar thing.

We have always been on and off and I think he feels this time is the same as all the others. I am not too bothered about being a single parent and do not feel like dd or I are missing out on things because he is not here so do not feel like I want him back.

But I started letting him collect dd from my house instead of my mums and then he started calling 'just to see how dd is' and the calls are getting more and more every day.

I told him today I feel we have been talking too much and he said fine wont keep bothering you.

I just need some tips on staying strong and not getting back with hiom just for the sake of it.

Liffey Sun 12-Oct-08 17:48:43

Just don't do it please. I went back to an x and he got more violent and it got worse and I felt like I@d used up all my energy already in my first attempt to leave him. So when it was really terrible, it took me longer to leave because of that first failed attempt.

cantpickyourfamily Sun 12-Oct-08 17:51:32

well when I say violent he was phsyical but did not beat me up or leave me with loads of brusies, but he was controlling.

Liffey Sun 12-Oct-08 18:26:25

Controlling is bad enough. It's great being single after a miserable relationship. I love the freedom.

cantpickyourfamily Sun 12-Oct-08 19:20:03

I know i am quite enjoying it and do not feel that having him back would improve anything for us, I think maybe the key is to keep contact to a minium.

popcorn123 Sun 12-Oct-08 22:07:57

Am in exactly the same position 6 months done the line. It is going in cycles - just as I suppose it did before. Starts with silence then, then being civil, then trying to become more and more involved, then taking advantage, being abusive again - I clamp down (feeling stupid), he tells everyone how nasty I am being - it is silent for a while then he starts contact again slowly.

"No contact" often adovcated by DV experts I think is the only way forward. hiddenhurt.co.uk has good advice as do other DV sites.
Basically it involves ignoring all phone calls/texts/e-mail/messages via 3rd person and making no response whatsoever. Discussions about DC have to be fucntional only and the converstation should be ended if it strays onto other topic (like getting back together or trying to make you feel bad for the breakup)

I am struggling to manage this but I know he will not give me peace until I am consistent and strong.

I have never heard of a good outcome of someone going back to a partner who was abusive - they only get worse, even if things are great initially.

Good luck

cantpickyourfamily Mon 13-Oct-08 10:35:54

popcorn - thanks will look on that web address, I know it is just difficult as would like to be able to have good communication for dd's sake.

but i do find with no contact it is easier for me.

good luck for you to.

lostdad Mon 13-Oct-08 12:46:17

`"No contact" often adovcated by DV experts'...although ironically enough denying contact is also seen as DV these days.

popcorn123 Mon 13-Oct-08 20:45:06

Lostdad - Why is denying contact with a partner you are separated from seen as DV - providing the relationship with children is allowed to continue and finances are sorted there should be no need for contact - should there?
Just not sure what you mean - were you accused of DV by no talking to your ex post separtation?

cantpickyourfamily Mon 13-Oct-08 21:51:43

when I said no contact I did actually mean between exp and I not exp and dd.

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