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How do you sort out xmas so you and xp get to spend time with dc's??

(12 Posts)
cantpickyourfamily Sun 12-Oct-08 17:32:29

XP and I have been broken up for 2months and he has now starte asking me about christmas. We both want to eat with dd who is 15months and both want to see her opening her presents.

Even tho we broke up because of arguments we are talking ok at the moment and would not kill either of us to spend xmas day together if it made things easier for everyone espically dd as do not want to be rushing around every where with her and feeling stressed out.

How do you all spend your christmas?

SpandexIsMyEnemy Sun 12-Oct-08 17:36:52

our first, and indeed second, XH will be coming here on the 24th (actually this year the 20th, but i'll prob leave them to it for a few days and come back on the 23rd) anyhoo, XH stays here xmas eve/day and goes boxing day - we eat as a 'family' we have pressies etc (or at least DS does) we're civial for DS's sake. and it's only one day!

next year however things might be different as hopefully i'll have a place with is totally my own, and tbh I don't want him stopping there and invading my space, but we shall see what next year brings.

he was meant to take him away for a few days inbetween xmas/NYE but apparently not now, so I guess yet another non drinking NYE for me - oh that's right same as last year when he went out with his mates and I was with DS indoors. angry

(where i'd rather be anyhow )

cantpickyourfamily Sun 12-Oct-08 17:40:31

spandex - I know how you feel as I would rather be with my dd but feel pissed that he is out and I'm not.

so how is your relationship with XH?

at this stage you must both know you are not getting back together so probably make things easier? Sorry not being nosy just wondering.

SpandexIsMyEnemy Sun 12-Oct-08 17:47:35

it's up and down.

sometimes we're fine other times not so much, he still trys to control/bully me etc but he's told now to fuck off as I don't ahve to tolerate it any more.

I knew last year we wouldn't get back together tbh and it didn't make it easier or harder I don't think - but then again once the break was made there was no return if that makes sense?

cantpickyourfamily Sun 12-Oct-08 17:50:20

well i dont know as with my ex I always feel he wants to get back with me and I sometimes feel like giving in even tho I dont really need him or want him around.

LRB978 Sun 12-Oct-08 17:51:34

My ds is now nearly 7, I split with his dad the September before his 3rd Christmas.

We have always split it so that one of us has him Christmas Day and the other on Boxing Day. Definately the years I have him Boxing Day, I treat Boxing Day as Christmas Day, opening all presents, having Christmas dinner etc, so in effect he has 2 Christmas days. Equally presents from his dads family are given to him the day he spends with his dad and presents off my family are given to him the day he is with me. He accepts this as the norm.
My only thing is he never sleeps at his dads, so I always have a couple of hours with him on the 25th when he opens his stocking (provided by me).

Actually this is less stressful then when we were together, as we would spend Christmas day going from pillar to post mostly visiting members of his family before ending up at my parents.

Ultimately it is what suits you and your xp best, this is what suits us.

FYI - My sons first 3 or 4 Christmasses he found very overwhelming and took 2-3 days to open all his presents anyway, even when I was still with his dad. If this is the case with your daughter you both seeing her opening some presents may not be an issue anyway

shelleylou Sun 12-Oct-08 17:55:02

This is the 2nd christmas since xp and i have split up. Last year i had ds and xp didnt see him he prefered to make other plans. Then had ds on the weekend he was surposed to have him. This year however he wants to have ds how i did last year so i told xp how i had ds for christmas and new year so he has to have him the same. I was quite surprised when he agreed but tbh theres plenty of time between now and then for him to come up with excuses

cantpickyourfamily Sun 12-Oct-08 18:23:25

actually it is a good point, better plan new year as I had dd nw year as we were broken up, so really he should have her this year.

SmugColditz Sun 12-Oct-08 18:25:03

My ex spends the day here on Christmas day. We have a few visitors, I can't see how one more will make a difference. He eats here, does some of the cooking and provides the joint.

cantpickyourfamily Sun 12-Oct-08 18:51:20

The thing is i really wanted to go on holiday this year as I hate being here at christmas and want to go some where hot.

But it is not really fair to not let ex p see dd for christmas is it?

Also ex p said he would go on holiday as well if we went and stay in a different hotel to us just so he could see dd on xmas day.

1066andallthat Mon 13-Oct-08 10:51:16

Pre-kids, I went to Lanzarote one year for Christmas and had a great time. Have friends who do skiing, pretty much instead of Christmas, and swear by it. So, I would seriously consider going away, if I could afford it.

Last year, the DSs went to their Dad and we had Christmas before they went. This year, they will be with me smile and he'll be seeing them round New Year (theoretically - he's only just reappeared after having nothing to do with them for 3 months).

cantpickyourfamily Mon 13-Oct-08 21:49:49

When I was younger we spent every xmas in a hot country and loved it, just cannot imagine exp going on holiday and staying away from us for the whole week apart from seeing dd on xmas day...

Sounds pretty unbelieveable to me

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