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help, dh moved out a week ago, need a chat

(6 Posts)
nobodyputsbabyinacorner Wed 08-Oct-08 13:39:43

Have often read threads but never participated before I told dh it was over 3 weeks ago and he moved out last week. Have dd who is 4 and am worried sick about how to guide her thro this. Am stuck in house i cannot afford til it sells and get somewhere small and cheap for 2 of us. problem is my dh is seriously depressed, currently off work sick, attending drop in centres, psychiatrists, psychotherapists etc and is in danger of being hospitalised for suicidal thoughts. Has been very ill since jan but truth be known has prob been depressed for the 7 yrs i have known him ( and has past history of it). Feel guilty for kicking him when he was down, also feel relieved dont have to deal with it any more, feel so guilty that have taken dd daddy from her, even tho i feel it was best decision, dont want her to grow up in the atmosphere that was here, and with a mum who was so unhappy. Its all so crap at moment, due to start a job next week part time, so can support us, have lots of good friends but no family support and want to hear from people who have come out other side.

inthemistsoftime Wed 08-Oct-08 13:55:31

sorry you are going through this, am in a similar position except he is in the spare room whilst we try one last time, he is also depressed and has contemplated suicide, it is very difficult to deal with.

I am looking for a job so I can get away from it and put it into perspective, your new job will also be good for you and your dd, you are doing what you feel is best and thats all we can do.

no advice, but wishing you luck

nobodyputsbabyinacorner Wed 08-Oct-08 14:26:14

thanks inthemists, the thing we need to remember is that it is not our fault that they are contemplating suicide, my dh was like that before i wanted to split, and i am not the person to help him. I just worry so much for my dd, that she will hate me for making her daddy go, tho she doesnt understand it all yet. It must be so confusing for kids when a parent leaves. good luck with your situation.

tessofthedurbervilles Wed 08-Oct-08 14:33:40

Hiya, sometimes you have to be harsh with people and kicking him out might be the best thing in the long run as he can't rely on you and the realisation of this might help him start to get himself. Either way you are doing the best thing as no child needs to be surrounded by such unhappiness as they accept their circumstances as 'normal' and you don;t want that do you?
I split with my hubby a year and a half ago and am still living in the house we can't afford. What I started to realise was my environment (ie the house) was not helping me move on. Could you rent it out and get somewhere for you and dd?
There is absolutely light at the end of the tunnel I promise you. There were times when I thought I saw it and it turned out to be another train. There will be setbacks but happy times will be on their way, you just have to be brave enough to go out and find them.
One tip I found helpful was to talk to yourself as if you were a friend. IE someone was telling you about your situation, what advice would you give? The chances are you would be more kind and positive with what you would say to a friend than you would you yourself xxxxx big hug xxxxx

nobodyputsbabyinacorner Wed 08-Oct-08 20:19:19

thanks tess, thats really true about what i would say to a friend - i would say well done, shame you didnt do it years ago. i have had a lot to put up with over the years, on the surface a good husband, anything money can buy etc, but behind closed doors a man completely unable to socialise or show emotion or feelings. none of my family wants to come and visit coz he has made it so uncomfortable coz so moody and antisocial, and friends only come round during the day. He was addicted to sex text chat lines when i was pregnant, running up bills of 2 grand a month, when i found out i gave him a chance, and he carried on and was found out twice more over a 2 yr period. We had no conversation, sex life, fun, emotion, etc etc for the whole of our 6 yr marriage (virtually) and i tried and tried to make it work, mainly coz we had dd. Yet he will still tell me he doesnt see we have a problem!! I am glad i was strong enough to do it, but still after only a week, feels raw and odd, and worried bout dd and effect on her future. And now facing life on my own forever coz will NEVER trust a man again!!! glad u have a bit of light at the end of your tunnel now!! xxxx

tessofthedurbervilles Thu 09-Oct-08 12:32:12

Yep a friend would tell you that you are stronger than you know, so many people put up with shit for material things and appearances. Its a lot braver to walk away and with that will come a happiness you never knew existed xxxx

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