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IT'S A MIRACLE! But now I have another question...:)

(4 Posts)
kara0811 Fri 26-Sep-08 22:08:27

Ok, after my LONG post yesterday, have finally heard back from my solicitor and my ex-h is going to see our children on Wednesday for 3 hours (first time in 16 weeks - his choice - they are 3 and 2). I also have 2 more dates set up.

Apparently he was given a 'good talking to' by his own solicitor, over his unreasonable expectations (he hasn't seen them for over 3 months, and said he would only see them if his girlfriend was present) In a not very funny situation, that made me smile.

I just wondered if anyone had any advice on dealing with them being away. I know it sounds mad because it's only for 3 hours, but they're only 3 and 2, and for the past 16 weeks it has just been me and them, and the thought of them not being here upsets me.

Also how do I best prepare them for it? And how do I act when they come home? Do I talk about their dad? Ask about what they did? Or just let them tell me if they want to? More then anything I want them to come out of this whole mess as unscathed as poss, but they're so little and this is so new to me, I don't know what to do!

And finally - in my proposals for his contact with the, I said I wanted him to commit to seeing them regularly on his own for 2 months before he introduced his girlfriend to them (given his lack of commitment for the past 16 weeks, and the fact that as they are so young, he needs to re-establish his relationship with him). He is already pushing to reduce that (to 2 weeks!!) Do you think 2 months is a fair amount of time? Or am I being unreasonable?

Sorry for so many questions. I am so new to this, and you all have so much wisdom! Thanks!

ninah Fri 26-Sep-08 22:33:31

Hello Kara, glad things have worked out a bit better. It is very strange when your dc go to ex, I am only just getting my head round it. Suggest you make plans so that you are busy, do something to keep you occupied, go for a swim, anything .. use the time. It will get easier once a routine is established. And two months is eminently reasonable imo.

zmandaz Sat 27-Sep-08 10:24:40

I would suggest that you go shopping with a friend or for a coffee the first time so you're not alone. Children that little will not understand long explanations so I'd keep it simple and say 'you're going to go and see Daddy for a little while', make sure you tell them that you'll be picking them up afterwards and make it sound like fun, even if you're worried about it. I'd see how they are when you pick them up as to whether you ask them about their time, they may well tell you anyway. If not you can always ask a few questions and see how they respond. As far as the regular contact issue, my ex has asked for 1 hour a month (yes really) with my 2 year old which my solicitor actually laughed at. If it went through court they would say that your ex should have small amounts of regular contact (every week) so that he and the children can build up a relationship. It's not fair on the children, especially with them being so young to only see him every other week or less. I totally agree with you that he should build up that relationship with them before he introduces his new gf, it would be very confusing and overwhelming for them to have to cope with that as well. At the end of the day it's up to him to put the effort in with HIS kids.

MrsSnorty Sat 27-Sep-08 21:36:26

Have seen your previous threads. I'm really glad for you that this is happening and especially that his solicitor gave him a talking to. I'm sure it will be a little strange for the DCs to start with but it's good that they'll have each other.
You must do something nice! If you can't find anyone to meet up with treat yourself to something. Hope it goes well.

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