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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

really angry n hurt

26 replies

somebody · 27/02/2005 13:46

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cheryl1707 · 27/02/2005 13:56

Hi Somebody

You have every right to feel the way you do, This is YOUR child not a playtoy for daddy to play with when he wants

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tammybear · 27/02/2005 14:12

I dont think you're being unreasonable. You have the right to know where your dd is and who with, and how things are. (((hugs))) xxx

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HappyMumof2 · 27/02/2005 14:16

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HappyMumof2 · 27/02/2005 14:17

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cheryl1707 · 27/02/2005 19:46

Hi Somebody

Are you feeling better now? how did dd get on today? hope you are feeling much better

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somebody · 27/02/2005 19:57

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HappyMumof2 · 27/02/2005 20:17

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livvysmum · 27/02/2005 20:18

you have every right to feel the way you do, he is obviously not making an effort were dd is concerned. dd is your responsibility, her welfare and care is up to you, your obviously not going to get much help from him. i let dd stay with her dad, and i let him visit on the strict grounds he does not drink through out the entire visit -which could be a few days as he lives far far away (not far enough tbh)( drinking caused alot of problems when we were together). thing is, and i dont mean to be mean here, i know this situation is hard, but i feel your being a wee bit of a walk over for this guy, i've threatened my ex with a solicitor and with court cases regarding access if he breaks any rules that have been laid out. and i'm serious too, i've been to speak to solicitor, maybe you should do same, you'll get 1/2 hour free. i know it's hard to even think of him with HER, but just think, he's welcomr to her, you've got dd, your dd's voice, you are not being unresonable, stand up for yourself and dd, start as you mean to go on. i'm sorry if i've been rude, i didn't mean to be, i'm just sick of these guys, namely our ex's thinking they can treat us like crap, you'll have to be in contact with him for the rest of your life (god, what did we do to deserve this!) so start making some ground rules, follow your gut intinct, and good luck!, we're all supporting you here.

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livvysmum · 27/02/2005 20:21

agree with happy mum of 2, if he was violent in the past, are you letting him have dd as a way of 'keeping the peace' so he 'flare up 'again, if so STOP!!!!!!!!!. how do you knoe he won't be violent with dd, or how do you know dd is not wittnessing violence between him and HER.

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livvysmum · 27/02/2005 20:21

so he WON'T flare up again,

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HappyMumof2 · 27/02/2005 20:22

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somebody · 01/03/2005 10:09

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somebody · 01/03/2005 10:10

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HappyMumof2 · 01/03/2005 14:15

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somebody · 01/03/2005 15:32

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cheryl1707 · 01/03/2005 19:20

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!

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Caligula · 01/03/2005 19:40

I would deny him access.

And then doubtless he'll join F4J and rant about how much he loves her and what a great father he is and what a bitch you are.

Ho hum.

So sorry you're going through this, Somebody.

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LittleRedRidingHood · 01/03/2005 20:09

OMG Somebody thats awful - Has he got access rights? I wouldnt want my kids spending the day with a daddy like that - He doesnt seem to have any daddy like qualities at all!!!!!!! May I asked how old he is? ie is he very young and still trying to 'find' himself or is he older but hasnt grown up yet.........

Is there anyone in real life you could go to for advice and support -It sounds like you need it - friends and family for hugs, but also an advice service who could help you with your legal rights etc

Lots of love xxx

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prettyfly1 · 03/03/2005 13:18

Ok. Not too sure on past history with you guys but go to a solicitor or cab. Ask him in writing to attend with you. Not as an attack on him but to lay down fair ground rules on both sides. During this time you should put down a list in writing of what you feel are fair terms and conditions for seeing her i.e - clean clothes, a lack of smoke in the environment. with reasons. Sounds obvious but justify everything. Ask him to sign it. If he refuses, becomes unreasonable or breaks conditions ban access and dig your heels in. If he loves her that much he will understand your concerns regarding her welfare and feel as strongly and will want to work with you in creating a strong secure environment. If he doesnt agree then you have every right to ban access even temporarily. Whatever he does or says, try very hard not to get into an argument with him 1. he doesnt sound worth it 2. it wont help you. Try to always keep your voice very low and calm and never shout. I really feel for you - as mothers noone wants to see their child hurt or in unsteady situations. Good luck and i hope your little one is well.

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somebody · 04/03/2005 09:46

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prettyfly1 · 04/03/2005 09:59

Oh good luck mate. Just outline your concerns and the reasons why. Thats the main thing, you always have to be able to say exactly why certain things worry you even when they seem obvious to you. It prevents any miscommuication and shows how reasonable and fair you are prepared to be. Possibly put in a time clause. Within this time as trust and a relationship with the child is rebuilt and a responsible attitude is demonstrated more leeway could be given on your part. I really hope it goes well for you and my htoughts will be with you.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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prettyfly1 · 04/03/2005 10:00

oh also, dont forgat any evidence that you have. Otherwise it is your word against his. x

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tamula · 04/03/2005 10:19

HI Somebody,

Try to relax and be calm and in control when approaching such matters legally. Put your smart clothes on and if it helps write everything down, dont try to remember it all. You sound very generous and accomodating anyway so keep that up and try not to have any malice in your tone (not that you do) but we want this to go as smoothly and as professionally as possible.

Do you breastfeed? As your baby is so young I wouldnt want baby away from me over night as yet, and I believe its perfectly reasonable to voice those concerns. But for everything you want to deny or restrict give a suitable alternative, like he may visit two days in a row as oppossed to overnight. Stress your worries for baby's health and safety with regard to the smokey environmentm detail he must be aware of the wrong doing or why would he have changed her clothes?

Just point out every single thing he does to cock-up in a fair and reasonable way and offer suggestions to avoid it happening again.

Good Luck

Thoughts will be with you. x

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prettyfly1 · 04/03/2005 21:00

hi angel,

just wanted to check how things had gone for you.

Hope your ok and you started to get the answers you need.

Big hugs
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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somebody · 06/03/2005 19:41

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