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"I've told daddy you never do anything nice with us/for us & you never treat us to any toys"

(17 Posts)
mypandasgotcrabs Tue 23-Sep-08 19:59:27

From ds1 today becasue I wouldn't buy him some lemonade.

So who took them on holiday this year? Who took them to CHessington? Who takes him to the football? To Wembley for the FA Cup semi & final? Who buys the football kits? Who takes him to the cinema? To bowling? To soft play centres? To the beach? To the country parks? To the fair? To adventure golf? All things they/he wanted to do. Who takes them for days out when I can? Who's taking them to the rally in December? Who's sorting out his birthday party? Who lets him have friends round to play? Who organises for him to see his friends when we can? Who plays football/cricket/tennis in the garden with him? Who sits with him in the evening and reads with him/plays with him/watches football with him?

Not his dad I can fucking tell you. In the last year their dads taken them out twice, once to London & once to Brighton. He doesn't even take them to the beach. We live in Portmsouth, so it needn't cost any more than his bus fare.

And as for not treating them to toys. No he's damn right there. They have a house full. Oh, and a storage unit full. You know what? I'd rather spend time with them than throw money and new toys at them. To me, doing fun things together, whether that be at home, down the park, at a theme park, whatever is more important than playing the fucking ps3/xbox/wii, or downloading film afer film so you can just shove them in front of the tv while you and your mates smoke pot.

Sorry, but I've had this brewing inside of me for the last hour and now he's in bed I can get it out. I wanna scream, punch things, smash things up. Over a bottle of effing lemonade.

themildmannneredjanitor Tue 23-Sep-08 20:01:45



he has done a really good job of finding yur 'danger point' hasn't he?

he is saying what he knows will hurt you. simple as that. well done you for not giving in!

Surfermum Tue 23-Sep-08 20:05:02


How old is he? You know they instinctively know which buttons to press don't you? You sound like a great mum and he knows you are too.

Guitargirl Tue 23-Sep-08 20:06:19

How old is your DS? Is he old enough to have some of this gently pointed out to him?

mypandasgotcrabs Tue 23-Sep-08 20:10:41

He's 7 next week. Usually it wouldn't get to me, I would point out a few nice things we do together, but he's hit me on a day when I'm at my lowest point ever & I can't deal with my own emotions let alone his.

lou33 Tue 23-Sep-08 20:13:21

panda, i sympathise, it can be so bloody frustrating cant it?

ginnny Tue 23-Sep-08 20:15:09

He'll remember all the stuff you do for him when he's older and looks back. He'll see that Mummy was the one that was always there and Daddy came and went when it suited him.
Your ds probably didn't realise how much that statement would hurt you, he's just a kid throwing a strop because he didn't get his own way.
I do sympathise, my ds is 8 and I am hated whenever I don't buy him what he wants.
Your a great Mum and its a tough job to do alone.

Guitargirl Tue 23-Sep-08 20:16:18

Have whatever relaxes you - drink, chocolate, etc., watch some crap on tele, have an early night and write the day off.

Haven't had a great day myself and am planning on turning in as soon as DD does - she's still running about like a loon at the moment...

mypandasgotcrabs Tue 23-Sep-08 20:17:20

Sure can lou, sometimes just feels like why do I bother? Why not just let him play the wii all day. But I don't want to do that, and tbh I never will, it's not me.

lou33 Tue 23-Sep-08 20:17:55

my youngest calls me a child abuser when he doesnt get his own way

elastamum Tue 23-Sep-08 20:18:11

Hi Sweetie,

All kids reserve the greatest critisism for their mums because they know you love them whatever they say and they feel confident they can get away with it. At 6 kids say all sorts of things. you know you are doing a good job and Im sure as your kids grow up they will understand that too. I have recently seperated and my DH spoils the kds rotten, but I am the one there day in day out and I know as they grow up they will understand that I will always be there whatever. Thats what mums do... sending you {{hugs}}

mypandasgotcrabs Tue 23-Sep-08 20:23:03

I guess looking at it, it's funny how something is so important to a LO. Oh for a bottle of lemonade/ice cream/chocolate bar/samll toy to be so important to you, if only eh!

Well I have a drink, some after eights & i-tunes, so am going to try to relax and forget about things fro a few hours. Enjoy your early night guitargirl when you get it!

mylittlesubatomicparticle Wed 24-Sep-08 10:57:45

mpgc - am there too, in my dd's little way (not yet 2), she is a daddy's girl and there's nothing I can do. Or am willing to hmm
It's soooo hard. Just wanted to say, am here with you, trying to do it all right and getting it all wrong.

citronella Wed 24-Sep-08 11:27:59

What everyone else said - You are doing a fab job
<<passes a glass of wine ignoring the fact that its not even midday yet>>

FAQ Wed 24-Sep-08 11:32:56

ah yes I can sympathise greatly - DS1 has just turned 8 and I get similar from him.

Now oddly wink - I have discovered (while talking to exH about it) that he tells daddy that he's going to tell mummy that he never takes them out/plays with them/buys them stuff/tells them off etc etc.

He's been trying very hard to play us off each other recently - but (he hasn't realised this yet) H understands that 99% of what DS1 tells him is complete rubbish and is simply testing us both.

DS1's latest "trick" is to wait until I've told him off for something, and he's got himself into an almight tantrum - then decides he wants to call daddy and tell I let him - we have an agreement that the DS's can call him whenever they want.

So DS1 phones, exH answers, DS1 sobs and howls, H calms him down and asks why he's crying, at the most he gives him an "oh" response - and then asks him about school/friends/anything but what DS1 wants to rant about grin

allgonebellyup Wed 24-Sep-08 16:01:20

my kids say this to me all the time

you've just got understand that he is a child and is pushing all the right buttons.

gillybean2 Thu 25-Sep-08 15:50:34

I had a very similar thing with my ds (9) a couple of months back. I found talking to him about it calmly afterwards rather than loosing it with him worked far better. He apparently told my friend's husband when he was over there for tea a couple of weeks afterwards that he was very lucky and that he knows I spoil him (his words).

He now thinks a lot more about the things he gets. I think part of it is that children don't realise how lucky they are. They assume everyone has the same home life they do, with trips and holidays and things. Until you point it out to them they simply don't think about the other children in tehir class who have never been on holiday. or who never get to go to football matches etc.

If you think it appropriate for your child I would suggest you sit down and calmly tell him how upset he made you by saying such a thing and how unfair you feel he was saying these things which are simply untrue. And then list out all the things you do for him and ask him if he still thinks it is true and that if he thinks what he said was perhaps unkind and that maybe he should think about it and decide if he wants to appologise once he has had time to think about it. Also point out the things that you do for him that friend's of his don't get (like going to theme parks and on hol etc) and tell him how very lucky he really is and you hope he can see it. Tell him ou love him very much and that won't stop even if you are upset or angry about something. Then go and leave him to think about it.

When he comes to appologise accept it and have hugs etc, and then put it aside.

Children say things without thinking which are aimed at upsetting you. A simple thing like having a lemonade seems so trivial to us adults, but might be a huge thing to them at the time. When they are old enough to undertsnad I do feel explaining to them how lucky they really are and helping them to see the reality, without laying too much guilt on them for upsetting you, is a good thing to do. If he upset another child you'd ask him to appologise, so why not explain that it upset you and ask for an appology too.

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