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Should I tell the dc that they don't have to see their dad if they don't want to ??

(10 Posts)
IllegallyBrunette Mon 22-Sep-08 13:52:22

I can't decide what to do.

Currently they see him on a wednesday after school for a couple of hours, and they stay over every friday night until Saturday after lunch.

This was all going well, with the occasional moan from one of them about going, until this week.

Xp thinks I have a bloke (i don't) and spent the whole of their visit last week questioning them very aggresivly, as to who he was, where he was from, why they hadn't told him about it etc etc.

I have spoken to xp who denies it all, but I know it is true as he keeps changing his story, and he has actually said to me that he knows I have a new bloke.

Anyhow, this morning I saw xp and told him that I thought he should apologise to the kids and make sure he never put them in such a position again.

He told me I couldn't tell him what to do, and that he wasn't going to apologise as the kids were lying.

I now feel awful about sending them there at all, and although I wouldn't stop them from going if they wanted to go, I am wondering wether I should now at least give them the option to not go if they don't want to.

I am pretty sure that if I do this then ds will stop going at all, and that the dd's may possibly no longer go overnight.

Obviously this will mean that I will then not have any break at all, but that is not my top priority at the moment.


Lauriefairycake Mon 22-Sep-08 13:54:18

I would do nothing - they will figure out he is a twonk without your help.

Sorry he's being useless with them at the moment - hopefully he will get over it.

IllegallyBrunette Mon 22-Sep-08 13:56:10

Really ? I just don't want them to think that I am making them go and spend time with him, especially if he is going to be like that with them.

Dd2 said he was actually screaming 'tell me who it is' in their faces.

Lauriefairycake Mon 22-Sep-08 13:56:52

how old are they? sad

IllegallyBrunette Mon 22-Sep-08 14:00:55

DD's are 10 and 8 and Ds is 5.

I am quite stunned by how stupid he is being yet again, although god knows why, I should be used to it by now.

I have warned him previously that if he didn't change that the kids wouldn't want to see him anyway and he didn't seem to care.

wannaBe Mon 22-Sep-08 14:04:37

have the children said that they don't want to see him? Because if not then tbh it's not up to you to put that idea into their heads, how ever much of an arse he is being.

IllegallyBrunette Mon 22-Sep-08 14:06:45

Ds has previously said that he didn't want to go and so has dd2.

At that time I said that they had to go as that was the arrangements that had been made.

I understand what you are saying wannabe, and it isn't that I am trying to put the idea in their heads but more that I want them to know that they have the option not go if they don't want to.

I don't want them thinking that they have no choice because of what I have previously said.

IllegallyBrunette Mon 22-Sep-08 14:07:32

Whilst I agree that it isn't up to me, I also think that it isn't right to send them to him to be shouted and screamed at either.

Tinkerbel6 Mon 22-Sep-08 14:39:10

I agree, I think if it continues then you takes what steps you feel appropriate to change things, it might be worth get it noted what he says and how he says it, shouting in your kids face is a no no

GypsyMoth Tue 23-Sep-08 14:51:43

is there a court order?

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