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oh god I just made a complete and utter tw*t of myself when I rang exH just now.......

(6 Posts)
FAQ Sun 21-Sep-08 21:20:07

Background - H comes from a family where his dad married (and divorced) 3 times, having 2 children in each marriage (H being the oldest from the 2nd marriage, and his 2 older sisters continuing to live with his dad with after the 1st marriage broke down. His views about a step-parent actually being another mum or dad are very strong - to put it bluntly - they're not - and they never will be. They will be respected like a bio-logical parent would be, and will treat the child like a bio-logical parent would - but never call them mum/dad/son/daughter. He's had these views since we first met nearly 10yrs - and are views shared by the rest of his family.

So bearing this in mind - this afternoon - out of the blue - DS1 announced "we've got 2 mummy's" (cue shock from me and an "oh really" - yes xxx said it - exH's new woman). I waited until the DS's had gone to bed and called him - initially to check what was happening next weekend as he's still without car. Secondly to mention it........yes xxx had said something jokingly when DS2 had said "I've got 2 mummy's now" (which thinking about it I've heard him say before - even calling my best friend "the best mummy in the world") - but H made it very clear (nicely) to me that his views hadn't changed - and he hopes mine haven't even (if I have anyone new in my life they won't be "daddy").

He was clearly mortified by the whole thing - and I felt like such a twat - especially given DS2's apparent misunderstanding about who "mummy" is (even among my friends) and DS1's total lack of sense of humour blush

allgonebellyup Sun 21-Sep-08 21:23:58

hmm i think i have to read this all over again before it makes any sense in my tiny little brain..

hecate Sun 21-Sep-08 21:28:25

No, you did right to flag it up. at least it keeps the position clear!

FAQ Sun 21-Sep-08 21:32:32

sorry allgonebellyup

to summise (I hope)

exH comes from a family where there his father was married and divorced 3 times, children from each marriage - all the children stayed with the father (except his next youngest brother) . The whole family stance is that there is only one mum or dad, despite step parents being involved.

We both agreed that even if we meet someone else (even if we end up getting married and having new families) that the only people that the DS's would call mum and dad were us -

DS1 told me today that exH's new woman had said they had 2 mummy's now.

Turns out it was a case of DS2 easily getting confused as to "what" a mummy is, and DS1 having no sense of humour (I'm working on it grin) and so totally misunderstanding a joke that was made last weekend.

Both of us still agree that they will only ever have one mum, and one dad, regardless of anyone new OH's that come along

(sorry that wasn't much shorter was it blush)

Tinkerbel6 Tue 23-Sep-08 09:22:43

lol FAQ we get it now, at least you cleared the confusion up

Lemontart Tue 23-Sep-08 09:28:07

I think you did the right thing to ring him. If you had not had that conversation with exDH you would still be wondering and feeling worried about it all. Not sure why you should feel the twat here - sounds to me like his new gf has overstepped the mark a little and you had every right to follow it up and he wuite rightly should have felt a little uncomfortable about it. Personally, I think he needs to have a quiet word with his new gf to make sure both of your (you and exDH’s)? feelings and wishes are known and respected.
Don’t feel bad

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