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Father has new girlfriend and I am low

(37 Posts)
TiredBunny Sat 26-Feb-05 10:45:26

Dont know why.... I have no feelings for my ex and he was a S**T in the true sense of the word... the usual.... abusive, lazy, no support, stole my money, messed about with other women. We split up 2 years ago but he hasnt really seen anyone. Now he has and I am annoyed - sounds petty but I wanted him to be lonely and unhappy forever!! Also I have realised that I am the only person my dd can rely on... he neglected her on her birthday last week and switched his phone off when she was ill so I couldnt contact him. His new woman sounds lovely - tall, slim, long hair and worst of all I am told she is a NICE person.

fairyfly Sat 26-Feb-05 11:06:36

At the end of the day it doesn't matter if he has a good relationship. What truly matters once children, is that you are a fantastic parent. We have all had partners and nothing compares. One of lifes big tests has been put before him, a chance to shine, a chance to mould a life. A chance to provide and do all he can for another human being, he has totally failed at this and nothing, nothing will ever replace that. Not a girlfriend, not a great job, not a huge house, not even winning the lottery.
Relationships always look better from the outside, you don't know if she is a nice person, you don't know if he treats her well. We convince oursleves things are perfect for other people, couples try and convince us things are perfect. They will have issues, just like you did with him. None of that matters , let him get on with it. It is difficult but you will get used to it, just another milestone and another step away from him so you can meet someone who treats you and your child with the respect you deserve.

TiredBunny Sat 26-Feb-05 11:19:46

Thank you so much. It sounds so petty doesnt it. I have had some interest from men and dont feel I am left on the shelf or anything but I work full time, am skint, tired and barely have time to look in a mirror somedays. SHe works with him and so does one of my friends and it just feels rubbish. Its annoyinh that he gets to move on and have a new lifeand I am left struggling to shape the old life into something I can cope with.

fairyfly Sat 26-Feb-05 11:31:26

Doesn't sound petty in the slightest. At the end of the day we set out to have kids for it to work out well and be a family. Not to be single while the father is with someone else. It just serves to remind you of how all your dreams were broken of being a unit.
I have started seeing someone. It is probably the hardest relationship i have had with relation to balancing my life and making sure everybody is happy with it. Part of me missed the normal adventure you have when you start dating, i want to be able to stay out all night or runaway for a weekend.
I know their father had that luxury, he was able to have lie ins, run away, get to know each other. I resent him completely at the moment. It is hard to hide the stress of my life sometimes with my new boyfriend, i find things overwhelming. My x just has his relationship to contend with, must be wonderful.
Then i remember what i said before, we have all been there, we have never been parents before. He can have the time of his life with his girlfriend but at the end of the day he has no concept of what he is missing out on. i feel for him because by the time he stops being shallow he will have forsaken his relationship with his children. We are the lucky ones, just you remember that and you'll be fine.
Oh and just from a shallow, nasty, revenge seeking point of view, wait till you see his face when your children start bonding with another man. My god its worth waiting for

JoolsToo Sat 26-Feb-05 11:35:46

sounds like you are NICE and look what he did to you!

she may get a rude awakening somewhere down the line (not that I'm wishing it on her!)

tammybear Sat 26-Feb-05 11:36:53

I cant add anything else to what fairyfly has said, shes said it all but i can totally understand what you mean. when ex had a new lady on the scene, it really p*ssed me off, not cos i had any feelings for him, but just cos i dont think he deserves to be happy. but when he found out i was with dp, his reaction made all the difference

TiredBunny Sat 26-Feb-05 11:39:18

HIs keeping his children (he has another dd by someone else) seperate adn making out it is for their good but actually he is just trying to hide her from the reality that is his life. 2 exs, 2 children and 2 women who dislike him immensly.

JoolsToo Sat 26-Feb-05 11:40:18

exactly and there'll probably be more!

fairyfly Sat 26-Feb-05 11:42:35

oh and just for the record i have two pence in my bank, greasy hair, big droopy boobs, baby stomach, jogging bottoms, big knickers, grey cardigan, no career, bitter, paranoid,hairy legs, scowl a lot,a white wine habit.........

and yet someone is willing to wink at me

TiredBunny Sat 26-Feb-05 11:43:36

Well thats true!! Sounds like his new woman is on the rebound anyway.... He rang me at 7.30 am 2 weeks ago and asked me to go and get into bed with him.... he had dd overnight and so new woman wasnt there. Laugh of it was that I was actually in bed with another man - possible relationship and we p**d ourselves laughing at him. He was actually seeing this woman at this point and had said to me that 'he needed to be with someone and was no good on his own'

fairyfly Sat 26-Feb-05 11:46:29

oh tired bunny, he will ruin her too, you should feel sorry for them both and thank the stars you had a lucky escape.
Who the f*ck wants a man with two x's who doesn't look after his kids and rings up his x's while your away for the night. What an utter penis.
I was offered sex by my x the other week, by text would you believe, well i couldn't get my knickers off quick enough

JoolsToo Sat 26-Feb-05 11:47:30

oh - give me a break! what a tos*er!

TiredBunny Sat 26-Feb-05 11:49:37

was that sarcastic???? I have made that mistake with him after we had been split up a short while and never again - he is the smallest I have ever seen... in fact I though he had some disorder!! He has a big belly and skinny fingers and minging hair - feels great being so petty. LOL I had a very lucky escape - wonder what he has told her about me - he made out that his other ex was a witch to menad She is ace... a really good mate to me now!

maisystar Sat 26-Feb-05 11:52:10

tiredbunny, sounds like you are so much better off without him my life has been on hold since i had ds, have no social life really, huuuuuge overdraft, red wine habit etc etc etc. but....i have my ds and a fab relationship with him. his father has never even met him, it is his loss.

xx

fairyfly Sat 26-Feb-05 11:53:03

Yep sorry, very sarcastic.
I wouldn't worry what he says about you, i gave up on that a while back, used to send me into a fury all his lies about me. Now i just think wow she believes him, poor girl. Well maybe not poor girl as she shouldn't have played with his willy in my house, but heyho.

maisystar Sat 26-Feb-05 11:53:37

oh and fairyfly, you give me hope that one day i will meet someone else [smlie]

maisystar Sat 26-Feb-05 11:53:55

even!

TiredBunny Sat 26-Feb-05 11:54:28

That must be hard but in some ways easier cos u never have to deal with thiws. I admore u - only good thing my ex does is give me his measly £110 a month maintenance and I take great pleasure in using it for myself - he gives cash so money in my account already goes on dd... she doesnt go without!

fairyfly Sat 26-Feb-05 11:57:17

You will meet someone else Maisy and even if it doesn't last it gets you back on track with some self worth

TiredBunny Sat 26-Feb-05 11:59:16

Trouble is meeting someone who is right for yourself but also right for child!!! Thank Goodness for The Rabbit!!! Ann Summers deserves an award...sorry lowering the tone!!

fairyfly Sat 26-Feb-05 12:01:32

Think of all the crap you took on with your x's, when you love someone you deal with everything about them. You cant help yourself you just want them.

TiredBunny Sat 26-Feb-05 12:04:36

Thats true... i think I am getting too picky and cynical!! No-one is quite right !!

TiredBunny Sat 26-Feb-05 12:27:58

Thanks everyone... am going to have a bath now and make myself look gorgeous for when he drops dd back here - decided he is not going to catch me looking scruffy and unkempt again!!!! Will be back later no doubt!

anorak Sat 26-Feb-05 12:45:36

fairyfly, what fantastic, inspiring advice!

HappyMumof2 Sun 27-Feb-05 20:33:36

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