are anyone elses desisions changed by their families opinions?(7 Posts)
i have decided to go on holidya with Ds and Xp. it has taken him a --very very-- long time to get himself sorted out and forge a good relationship with Ds and is now working on getting back into my good books, so i agreed, only for a week. the topic has just come up with a family member and they said "what the fuck are you doing that for...what is going on there what is his excuse for missing out on the first 20 months of DS's life?" and did not even stop for breath! it knocked me for 6 and now i am going over my desision thinking am i doing the wrong thing.
i discussed this with my mum before i gave him an answer and she was a lot calmer than that and she said i have to give him a chance...this from a woman who went through hell with my own father! so i didnt see the problem. Am i just being really stupid?
I don't think that you are being stupid. I think that it takes a very mature approach on the part of both you and your ex to make this work...I expect that your family are worried for you, as they have seen you struggle on your own.
The only concern that I would have would be defining some boundaries before you go (if you don't intend to enter into a relationship beyond co-parenting with exp again). Does your exp have the same expectations of the holiday as you, or is he hoping for a return to how things used to be?
If you think that this is genuinely the right thing to do, for both you and your ds, then have confidence in your decision (and have a nice holiday ).
I have this problem with my family. They run their own lives, but think they have a right to interfere with mine. It's got to the point where I tell them very little, as I know all I'll get is a load of hassle.
Enjoy your holiday and as fluffybubble says, define some boundaries so you and your xp know where you both stand.
Sometimes you do have to allow people to move on from their mistakes and it shows maturity that you are willing to let your ex and your DS have a chance to get to know each other better. Only you can make that decision and if it doesn't work out then it is only a week of your life and you don't have to do it again. As fluffy says, define someboundaries...and have confidence in your ability to make yur own decision.
I think you are both being extremely generous and mature here (as long as you are sleeping in separate rooms), and it really is not anybody's else's business. You are doing this for your DS, to give him the opportunity to get to know his father.
Your friend might still just be angry on your behalf at how it all turned out.
thank you all for the replys...she is my antie through marrage and went through a messy divorce ( from first husband ) herself. thank that she puts me in the place that she was, wereas we are very amicable and i do and will always put my Ds first. yes boundries were set before anything was agreed to...including family room with me and Ds in double bed and xp in single.
i am usually confident about my desisions, but it was the way in which it came out it got to me! i havent told many of my family, as it will cause too many questions and i dont need the stress and it was the way she said have you told x,y and z, and when i said no she said when they find out they will go mad...as if i was a small child...im 24! i told my mum and friends and they all back me in my desision.
i see it as everyone makes mistakes, but to admit them and move on takes alot more..so off on holiday we go...i think! lol!
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