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A serious question about death, damaging information & custody

(10 Posts)
MascaraOHara Tue 16-Sep-08 20:15:54

Lately, for a while, I have been considering writing a letter/statement that details the turth about my dd's father which I would then keep in a sealed enevelope at the bank in the hope that.. If anything ever happened to me the information in it would help to protect my dd from him.

I know he can contest any will that I create which states who I wish her guardians to become. I also know the courts will take any application he might make very seriously.

Would a letter telling the truth about him be worth the paper it was written on and would the hurt and damage that it would cause be in vein or might it actually help safe guard my daughters future if I weren't here.

Thoughts welcome..

ivykaty44 Tue 16-Sep-08 20:17:24

No, he would get residency of your dd and anyone else would have to contest that.

squigglywig Tue 16-Sep-08 20:17:45

Watching with interest. I'm in a similar position.

MascaraOHara Tue 16-Sep-08 20:18:23

no he wouldn't get custody automatically as he has no involvement in her life. he also doesn't have PR and we were never married.

squigglywig Tue 16-Sep-08 20:20:59

If he doesn't have PR then surely it would go to court? And wouldn't the court have to consider what was in her best interests? I'd have thought that would be staying with people she already had a relationship with, given that she'd already have been through the trauma of your death?

ivykaty44 Tue 16-Sep-08 20:21:41

Is he named on dc birth certificate? Does he get chased by csa?

Mercy Tue 16-Sep-08 20:23:33

I've no experience of this tbh but your post concerned me (I don't know the background I'm afraid)

Do you have a solicitor? Could you leave a statement with them?

Why aren't you being taken seriously? (I know I'm probably being very naive here)

MascaraOHara Tue 16-Sep-08 20:23:42

Yes it would have to go to court.. but they would take any application from him very seriously as he is her bio father.

That's why I'm wondering if writing down how awful he is might (or might not) carry any weight.

I would not want her or my family to find out unless absolutely necessary which is why I was considering a sealed envelope at the bank.

If I ever get terminally ill, I plan to sign over legal guardianship before I die.

ivykaty44 Tue 16-Sep-08 20:37:10

What weight would an ex partners letter have in a court of law - that person would be dead, you would not be swearing on oath at the time that the information was true. In any case do you have proof that the information was true?

Do your family have the money for a barrister and solicitor to go to court? The cost of a barristor to represent you is going to be £2k per day

The charge of bank vaults is not cheap, how much and how long can you afford?

Would your ex have any idea if you actually die? If there is not any contact would he find out, would your family keep quiet?

tiggerlovestobounce Tue 16-Sep-08 21:02:44

I'm not an expert in this area at all, so ready to be corrected by people who are, but I believe that PR can be assigned to people who arent the childs parents.
Would there be any merit in applying to the court for, say, your mother to be given PR. Then maybe if anything did happen to you things would be weighted in favour of the person with PR

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