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My partner has told me he hates my ds........

(45 Posts)
sereneno Tue 16-Sep-08 17:36:44

I know what i have to do but i need some support please. My ds is 14 and is a normal hormonal teenager - sometimes lovely, sometimes unbearable. On Sunday my partner blew up and stormed out following my son asking if he could have some biscuits that my partner had just bought. Later my partner came back, refused to come in and stood in the doorway asking me what i intended to do about my son etc. i said i would talk with him about his behaviour and suggested that the 3 of us sit down and discuss a way forward. My partner (soon to be ex) shouted 'Whats the point, he is a *ker, a c**t and too f*ing thick to understand anyway and if im in the same room as him i may not be able to stop myself from caving his head in' This is the same man who told me he wanted to marry me and we were going to start ttc. i know i have done the right thing by ending it but he has gone away for 2 weeks and i need to be strong enough to not have him back once the shock has worn off. Anyone else any experience of this???

lou031205 Tue 16-Sep-08 17:38:18

Your partner reacted like that because he was asked for some biscuits? I would remember that, when he comes back. And I would see your relationship as over without question if he can't love your son.

Aitch Tue 16-Sep-08 17:39:07

<squeeze> no experience, but you are doing the right thing by your son.

lemonlady Tue 16-Sep-08 17:39:13

F**ker, glad you got shut. Be strong.
No experience sorry.

coppertop Tue 16-Sep-08 17:40:16

Keep a copy of your OP and re-read it in 2 weeks time as a reminder of what this 'man' is really like.

3littlefrogs Tue 16-Sep-08 17:40:56

Your son just asked if he could have some biscuits? That doesn't sound an unreasonable request to me.

I have 2 teenaged boys and I know how hard it can be, but, teenagers need love and support and security, and I could not tolerate anyone calling my dss the names that you have quoted in your post. sad

masalachameleon Tue 16-Sep-08 17:41:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Piffle Tue 16-Sep-08 17:41:58

end of partner
My ds1 is 14 dp and he ebb and flow but it never ever descends into such abusive terms

Got job you're getting rid truly
Shows your son you value him and will strengthen him and you at a time when many mums and sons are drifting apart

hecate Tue 16-Sep-08 17:42:06

No experience, sorry, but you are 100% right to choose your son over a man. You have put your child first and that makes you a very good mother! Remember what he said, write it down and put it in your purse, then if you feel weak, take it out and read it. How damaging to your son would it be to take this man back?

People with children come as a package. If someone can't handle that - stay away.

lulumama Tue 16-Sep-08 17:43:35

think about how your DS, who is old enough to notice these things, would feel if you essentially chose this man over him ,by letting him abck into your life

it is a good thing you know this now, before you got married and had more children with him, when he has not got the maturity to deal with your DS, who he should be treating as his own

sclubheaven Tue 16-Sep-08 17:45:21

wishing you love and support. Well done for doing the right thing.

My older brother used to get verbally and sometimes physically abused by my dad (his stepdad) when he was a teenager. My mum should have kicked him out but was too weak.

My brother has a terrible relationship with my mum now because he has never forgiven her for choosing her husband over her child.

ForeverOptimistic Tue 16-Sep-08 17:46:41

Stay strong. You both deserve better. He sounds like an animal.

SpandexIsMyEnemy Tue 16-Sep-08 17:47:11

agree with the others stand by your son.

what a horrid horrid toxic man!

LittleBella Tue 16-Sep-08 17:47:23

Well done you. Your DS will never forget how you re-affirmed your love for him.

You deserve a lot better than that twat. Being single is a lot better.

izzybiz Tue 16-Sep-08 17:52:52

"Behavior" Asking for some biscuitsshock

Stand by your son, what an arse this man is, glad you found out now.

Keep this thread and send it to him!

sereneno Tue 16-Sep-08 18:29:49

Thank you for all your messages. Im scared of being on my own. yet again. but little bella you are so right if this is the sort of behaviour he is capable of then i would be an idiot to give him another chance. better to be on my own with my children. its just destroyed my faith again. i so want to believe that there are good men out there but i have little experience of it so far. Thanks again

piratecat Tue 16-Sep-08 18:33:47

oh dear, i am sad that you must have had your hopes up. Had he shown behaviour like this before that outburst over the biccies?

What made him say those things about your son? How long has he been with you?

Did you finish it face to face with him?

SpandexIsMyEnemy Tue 16-Sep-08 18:37:31

don't be scared - you done it once, you can do it again.

there are some good ones out there, but for now i'd suggest just to focus on your DC's.

Saturn74 Tue 16-Sep-08 18:39:25

Well done for showing your son that you are a strong woman who will defend him.

sereneno Tue 16-Sep-08 18:39:28

We've been together a year and a half and although we dont live together he only lives around the corner so our lives are merged. he picks up my dd 8 from school, has every evening meal with us etc ive welcomed him into my home and family and now i feel betrayed. He has only shown behaviour like this a couple of times when drunk, the last time when we met one of my friends for a drink and a bouncer asked him to move. he became so abusive that i walked home alone. my friend told me he frightened her i should leave him then.

SpandexIsMyEnemy Tue 16-Sep-08 18:41:51

sounds like you have a good friend there. and you really are better off out of it.

betterhalf Tue 16-Sep-08 18:44:45

Well done for doing the right thing. He sounds awful. What a vile excuse for a man. His behaviour is completely inexcusable. Stay strong.

sereneno Tue 16-Sep-08 18:46:54

Im just in shock and im sure that once that has worn off the anger will start and then the tears. but spandex is right, i will concentrate on my dc. and of course mumsnet is here night and day

TheProvincialLady Tue 16-Sep-08 18:50:48

Anger, shock and tears are perfectly normal. You have been through an ordeal but thank God you told this pig that it is over - I am sure that sooner or later he would have started dishing out some violence to your DS, you and any children you may have had together. Well done for being strong.

SpandexIsMyEnemy Tue 16-Sep-08 18:52:40

I dunno - I think yes your ds but not your dd - he's prob jelouse of your relationship with your son??

either way we'll be here - you know that!

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