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Does anyone else speak to their ex politely and do them favours but really on the inside hates their guts and would like nothing better than to beat the shit out of them with a baseball bat???

(28 Posts)
charlotte121 Tue 16-Sep-08 12:55:18

Because I do.... he totally screwed me over. He is the biggest piece of work ever. There are so many things I hate about him... the way we split up and 2 seconds later he's living with a new woman hmm the way he thinks he is the best father in the world, but infact doesnt provide for my kids and has other children out there that he doesnt even see... the way he is a smarmy git that is nice as pie to people and tries to "buddy" himself up with my friends so that they think all the shit that I described in our relationship is lies.... but for some reason when he comes over to see ds and not dd and doesnt give me any money, Im nice to him.... Im accomodating and polite even when he is rude.... I do him favours for christs sake.... and I dont know why coz i hate the cock faced lier....

anyone else do this??? Deep down I think it is because I want things to be civil between us for the kids sake, but if I had my way i think i would be in jail by now!!! <<twitches>> Im not insane I promise.... I just really really hate this guy!

piratecat Tue 16-Sep-08 13:07:14

i used too be nice, helpful, try to understand, try to initiate conversations for our child;s well being.

it tok me about 2 1/2 yrs to stop ebign like this, when it just gotme me nowhere fast.

i have put up a protective wall, and now he doesn't even go there with me, as i have stood up to him.

which broke my heart and was a great relief at the same time.

piratecat Tue 16-Sep-08 13:08:47

you can be polite around the kids tho, ihave always done that, but i i used to make sure i was in a different room, no eye contact ( it upset me) but it was for the best.

for ME .

fransmom Tue 16-Sep-08 13:37:26

((((((((((((((((((cc))))))))))))))))) (have jsut posted on your other thread about the cot!)

i try and be polite for my dd's sake as i see how it affects her. he doesn't liek me standing up to him and will try and initiate some discussion in front of her by saying that's not fair sort of thing which she will then repeat. that breaks my heart.
i thinkit is a pre-requisite of some x's to be like this as they can't stnad to see how well we are doing for ourselves emotionally by not being with them anymore (tho the truth may well be entirely different behind closed doors!)as long as you can be polite in front of the children, they will see that and in time will understand that while mommy is being nice the x is not. children are far more perceptive than we realise and will see the effort that you are making xxx

lotuseener Tue 16-Sep-08 14:11:24

Sometimes I feel this way about my dh, don't even have an x!!!!!

charlotte121 Tue 16-Sep-08 14:49:15

lmao lotuseener!!! Glad to know im not alone... i was on the phone to him earlier trying to explain how child maintenance works but he's just too thick to understand and it was miking my blood boil!!!
One of his ex's has piped up and is making him take a dna test and pay csa for her son, good on her I say. He then told me he had no idea what child tax credits or working tax credits are... so i had to spend ages explaining that to him and then he got all stroppy with me and said I should have told him soon about it and that he and his new gf have now lost out on loads of money.... since when was it my responsibility to tell him his gf should be claiming tax credits for her child hmm hufffff rant over. I would really have liked to have given him a sharp jab with a fork though grin

My niece is 3 and she comes out with things like daddy shouted at mummy and mader her cry... she is obviously aware that people are on his case beacuase any time you mention his name she gets very defencuve and shouts "dont talk ablut my daddy like that" poor little thing. Its so sad they have to grow up like this and I can see that things are only going to get worse when my exp finds out im seeing someone else.... I know he will be jealous.

MrsSnorty Tue 16-Sep-08 16:46:16

Yes - but I have learnt (the hard way) not to bother with doing favours any more.

charlotte121 Tue 16-Sep-08 16:47:22

the guy im seeing just told me off for helping him out lol..... i just find it hard to say no to anyone if they need help, who ever they are.

ninah Wed 17-Sep-08 10:44:06

yeah I feel like this!

lostdad Wed 17-Sep-08 11:26:17

No, I don't. And never have.

I've already been accused of domestic violence and physically abusing my son and I've got the moral highground knowing she is a liar. She's also lied to get as much money as she could, lied to all of our friends, her family, my family and concluded it all by unilaterally deciding to move our son to the other side of the country away from his large family.

But she is my son's mother and he needs at least one rational parent in me, because he sure as hell hasn't got one in her.

charlotte121 Thu 18-Sep-08 11:30:50

Lol im in the same boat as you lostdad in the sense that dcs only have 1 parent but it doesnt stop me hating his guts.... obviously I would never act upon these feelings and like I said am always polite to him especially when the kids are around but I still cant stand to be in the same room as him!

TheHedgeWitch Thu 18-Sep-08 11:37:03

Message withdrawn

Dropdeadfred Thu 18-Sep-08 11:44:06

why doesn't your ex want to see his dd charlotte???

misi Thu 18-Sep-08 20:24:40


trouble is, its a catch 22 situation for me, the nicer and more helpful I am to my ex the more she messes me around, when I am horrible to her, I get accused of agression and violent behaviour hmm not that I am horrible to her, just can't do it.

my nature is to help first, think second and the second thought can be, well of a big stick not necessarily a baseball bat though, my old ice hockey stick perhaps, its longer so don't have to get so near grin

charlotte121 Thu 18-Sep-08 22:20:07

I think he doesnt see dd much becuase she is a girl.... sad i know. Also he had the time we were together to bond with ds whereas he hasnt given himself a chance to bond with dd.... but thats not my fault, he just hasnt made an effort. I rang him and told him to get to the hosp because I was in labour and my mum was at work, explained that I was frightened etc because I was on my own. My sister was with me but ds and my niece were also there so she couldnt support me. He made a load of excusses and didnt turn up. Luckily my mum was able to escape from work and got there just in time to help me through the last bit as it was a very quick birth. so luckily I wasnt alone. He waltzed into the delivery suite 45 mins after dd was born and proceeded to have a go at me. He spent a bit of time with dd but then didnt see her for about a week. Its sad really but I cant force him. she is better off without him anyways.

moosh Fri 19-Sep-08 10:09:10

I treat mine fairly politely but inside I have visions of battering the living daylights out of himn angry!!!!!

After what he put me through when we split and the feeble pennies he gives me each week and he thinks its all hunky dorey now between us hmm.

I treat our relationship like a business. We are the company directors and our 2 dc are the business. We discuss the children only, anything else he wants to know is frankly none of his business and I tell him that......politely.

fransmom Fri 19-Sep-08 10:23:00

hi everyone
i managed to have quite a civil conversation with x this morning - i took dd to school (her first day!) and that went fine.

he now tells me that his work are making redundancies - knowing full well that i will worry about it, as his maintenace helps keep a roof over mine and dd's head.hmm

lostdad Fri 19-Sep-08 10:28:29

He could be worrying about it too fransmom...and he could even be warning you rather than just dropping you in it without any notice.

fransmom Fri 19-Sep-08 10:38:43

thanks lostdad, yes i know that rationally but i also know from past experience that he will tell me things for mind games. i am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, purely because of the current economic climate.

<<how's everyone today?>>

Tinkerbel6 Fri 19-Sep-08 10:39:06

fransmom as lostdad says he could be trying to warn you incase it happens, although he might get a redundancy package and able to give you some money to tide you over until he found a new job, don't worry just yet but do play around with some figures incase it does happen.

fransmom Fri 19-Sep-08 10:39:57

thanks for the support, have been wondering about that, the figures thing not the support from mn grin

charlotte121 Fri 19-Sep-08 12:54:32

Is there anyway you can put a little bit of money away each week so that you can have an emergency stash if he does lose his job. My ex does agency work so doesnt have regular work. drives me mad because the money isnt constant.... well I never get anything tbh. he will on the odd occasion give me some money but i dont think i have had any for quite a few weeks now.

FioFio Fri 19-Sep-08 12:57:32

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Mutt Fri 19-Sep-08 12:59:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FioFio Fri 19-Sep-08 13:01:05

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