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Its not fair!! one rule for him and another for me [angry]

(9 Posts)
iliketosleep Mon 15-Sep-08 09:55:40

Ok so im not a lone parent but am going through family court/cafcass so reckon there will be a few people on here that will understand.

He didnt see her for over a year then all of a sudden a court summons landed on my doorstep. We have been having cafcass reports as DD does NOT want to see him, she actually hates him, she doesn't see him as her dad she sees my DP who has brought her up since she was 4 weeks as dad, although she was forced to call 'him' dad on visits.

Anywho, cut a long story short. A few months ago he arranged a court date but then had it changed to a later date as he was going on holiday. Fair enough, but I have just phoned my solicitor asking for the court date early october to be moved to a later date. I was asked my reasons, so i said...

DD3 was due 17th aug, decided she was comfy so ended up being induced 10 days late, the birth was traumatic and i still have flashbacks now, plus we aren't in a routine yet and i am knackered. The thought of having to go to cafcass and court over the next few weeks makes me shake from head to toe, im not sure why, i've also started suffering panic attacks and can start crying for no reason at the drop of a hat. I do not want to be made ill by it all when i dont have the energy.

I was told I need a doctors note to produce to the courts and cafcass hmm

I dont want to go to the doctors, I dont want to leave the house, I want to sleep, have a bath, eat (had 1 meal and a packet of biscuits all week as have no appatite).

Sorry this has turned into a rant but i dont think its fair he could just say "oh im going on holiday" and thats fine but I have to go all the way to the doctors to get a note to say im tired and run down hmm IF the doctor will do that.

iliketosleep Mon 15-Sep-08 10:43:49

Didn't realise I had posted twice blush sorry

gillybean2 Mon 15-Sep-08 11:03:47

Well I would have thought you'd have no trouble getting your doctor to write a note saying that as you have recently had a baby and suffered complications that the added stress of court at this time should be delayed. When are you asking for it to be delayed till?

In all likelyhood your ex probably produced proof of his booked holiday to get it moved last time.

Don't stress about it. You don't need to worry as your GP will more than likely write you a note if you explain what and why. Phone the surgery and ask to speak to the practice nurse and explain the situation and see what they suggest. Your GP might be able to come and do a home visit, or they might ask the midwife/district nurse/health visitor to come see you.

nametaken Mon 15-Sep-08 14:16:46

What would happen if you just didn't go? Because the night before the baby took ill and you couldn't leave her - if you get my drift wink

misi Mon 15-Sep-08 14:42:44

iliketosleep sounds like you have a hormone imbalance there and it is not suprising!! giving birth is traumatic enough even for those who 'enjoy' it (like my sister hmm) your body needs time to re-adjust your hormones back to normal after birth which takes between 0-4 weeks (well not quite normal but normalish) as you are also under stress from the court thing, your adrenals will have been producing stress hormones like mad and would have disrupted the normalisation of the oestrogen/progesterone and all the other hormones involved in pregnancy and birth. panic attacks are a quite normal reaction in this situation as it is the excess of certain stress hormones that over prepare your body for the flight or fight response. if you are not careful, PND may set so you need some sort of respite from this all.

your doctor I am sure will reccommend a delay in proceedings as you need to rest and recouperate, if you are not ready to go out, as gilly said, phone the surgery and explain and again I am sure you will be able to have the midwife come round or HV and hopefully the GP will then come out and write a note/letter for you (if not from the surgery based on midwife/nurse/HV advice). personally I would expect a delay of around 2 months if not 3 to be reasonable whilst you get 'treatment' for your stress.

regarding proof though, my ex got our original court hearing which was a time sensitive application by me, delayed by 3 weeks saying that she was unable to arrange childcare cover for our son as it was his orientation day at the new school she had picked out for him (the main object of my application BTW!!) this was pure nonsense as the school had told me (in a written response)that the orientation day was spread over 3 days and she could have taken our son on any of those days, she was not asked to produce any evidence at all. but saying this, every court has its own procedures so don't read too much into this as I may have had a liberal court whereas others may not be. he has got it delayed when it was his own application, you will have no trouble delaying it yourself.

where abouts in the process are you? if you have had your reports done why is cafcass actively involved apart from appearing in court or have you got more reports to have done? if this is a final directions or the final hearing it may be treated differently if it were a first directions/mediation hearing.
most importantly though, call your GP/surgery as soon as and see what they will do and try not to worry about this, article 6 of the human rights act states you are entitled to a fair hearing/trial/process, under the circumstances you have described that would be impossible, another weapon for your solicitor to explore perhaps?

misi Mon 15-Sep-08 14:46:19

nametaken, that is a possibility, most courts would adjourn for 1 week and order mother to attend in 7 days time, further non attendance will not result in any action being taken against her in most cases but also continued non-attendance can result in the court making an order in mothers absence (although in this case I very much doubt they would) but it does add to the stress and worry and can suggest to the court that mother is deliberate in her intentions, best to do it by the book first.

BornToRun Mon 15-Sep-08 18:54:47

I have written to the court twice during my case requesting adjournment due to hospital visit and holiday, there was no problem at all and no proof from anyone was requested. CAFCASS have also been involved in my case. As for timings, 7 days is not necessarily the case, it would depend on the courts load at the time, my last date was postponed from beginning of September until 3rd week in october.

misi Mon 15-Sep-08 20:33:45

borntorun, 7 days is if you fail to turn up with no prior asking for an adjournment. so if iliketosleep just failed to turn up without notice, then standard practice is to adjourn for 7 days and an order for the non turn-upee (is that a real word?) to attend in 7 days. longer adjournments are only likely when you have asked the court prior to the date, 7 days is for non attendance without permission (because it is classed as a contempt of court)

BornToRun Mon 15-Sep-08 20:52:48

gotcha misi.

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