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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Father refuses to register his name on our babys birth

26 replies

choccypuddin · 12/09/2008 21:15

on top of the heartache my ex as caused by walkin out on me pregnant he is now refusing to register our babys birth with me. I dont like the idea of my child growing up with "unknown" father is their anything u can suggest i do 2 change his mind?

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trumpetgirl · 12/09/2008 21:28

It depends why he doesn't want his name on the birth certificate. Is he hoping to get out of paying child support and other responsibilities?
My XP didn't put his name on the birth certificate. Said he couldn't get out of work to come and do it. He started denying dd was his, to justify his actions. He hasn't seen her for over a year now (dd is 5 yo) and hasn't provided any financial support.
I have no suggestions, but hope this might give some insight into why he doesn't want to.
Good luck

ShyBaby · 12/09/2008 21:34

Oh dear. Mine did this too. Im assuming so he could get out of paying child support. Unfortunately for him, that makes no difference at all as far as the CSA are concerned. Unless he proves by way of a DNA test that he is not her father then he is assumed to be, whether his name is on the birth cert or not.

It is upsetting though. I've never seen dd's full birth cert and dont want to. I have no idea what is written in the box where his name should be.

choccypuddin · 12/09/2008 21:54

I think he is trying to get out of financial obligations. It hurts because he was so excited about the pregnancy in the beginning. He is very childish though and selfish. I hope i can still recieve child support from him as i on low income

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fryalot · 12/09/2008 21:57

Does he need to actually be with you to register the baby's birth?

I may be wrong but I believe that the dad, if not married to the mum cannot do it without the mum, but the mum can do it on her own.

If that is the case, there is nothing whatsoever to stop you from having his name put on the birth certificate when YOU register the baby's birth.

He probably doesn't even have to know about it.

I would urge you not to put "unknown" if you do know who the father is (which you certainly do)

thisisyesterday · 12/09/2008 22:02

if you are married you can have his name put on can't you?

If not then I can't think of anything you can do tbh, aside from trying to get him to see what it'll be like for your child

choccypuddin · 12/09/2008 22:03

If i can put his name down without him present then i definantly will because i dont think my baby deserves2 grow up with an unknown father when i do kno who he his he just being a prize plonka! But we arent married i didnt think i can without him their

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trumpetgirl · 12/09/2008 22:04

Providing he's working, you should be able to get something.
I was unfortunate enough to be "tricked". I arranged with XP to say I didn't know who the father was (after the birth certificate thing) and he helped out a lot... initially. However, after splitting up with him he hasn't been in contact. But I think I prefer to have no contact with him and no financial support to him paying something and messing dd around.
Perhaps if you let him know that you'll be after him for child support regardless of whether his name is on the birth certificate, then he might do it?

kiltycoldbum · 12/09/2008 22:05

it is possible for his name to be put on the birth certificate at a later date, so further down the line if he sees what a div he is being he will be able to apply to have his name put on. you just ask at the reg office and they give you an application form.

choccypuddin · 12/09/2008 22:08

I have tried to contact him regarding child support but he ignoring all my texts and calls. I think he is trying to bury his head in the sand to be honest think he very messed up. He didnt know his dad it is like history repeating itself

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Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 12/09/2008 22:09

Choccy - he does have to go with you if you aren't married and you want his name on the certificate. It won't say 'unknown' if he doesn't go it will just have a line in that space.

You can re-register later and put him on if he changes his mind.

I don't know anything about the child support stuff but I'm sure they've come across dads trying to avoid it by not being named as father.

tiggerlovestobounce · 12/09/2008 22:10

It isnt possible to put down his name without him being there (unless you are married).

Remotew · 12/09/2008 22:10

Choccypuddin, AFAIK you cannot register his name on the birth certificate unless he goes with you to register or you are married.

Same thing happened with us. I went alone and they were very discreet. You register the birth. They issue you with a short version of the birth cert which has no room for father on it anyway.

If and when you need a long version there is no 'father unknown' just a strike through of his details.

I got a long one (I wish) when I needed to get DD a passport, by this time she was 11 he came and registered himself as the father anyway but even if he hadn't there was no shame.

trumpetgirl · 12/09/2008 22:11

This might seem like a funny way to go about it, but do you know his Mum? Because, if she has been through something similar she might empathise with your situation and at least tell you what's going on with him, and maybe talk him round.

jojostar · 12/09/2008 22:13

would putting his name on it give him PR? Do you want that, have you looked into this from that side?

solidgoldbrass · 12/09/2008 22:15

I registered DS without his father's name as (at the time) we were on very tentative speaking terms and he was very broke and I told him that if I put his name down I wouldn't be able to keep the CSA off him.
Now he's a great dad and we really must get around to amending DS' birth certificate to a) include him and b) double-barrell DS before he starts school.
You don't have to give more information than you want: just say you are not in contact with the father and the option of amending the registration will always be there - this bloke might come around and turn into a decent dad when he grows up a bit.

Remotew · 12/09/2008 22:22

solidgoldbrass, just do it. It means going to the registrar together and signing, quite sweet really after all those years, I found. But for your sons sake do it.

Remotew · 12/09/2008 22:24

No PR at all. He would have to go to court for that, I think. In our case it was just his name on her new BC.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 12/09/2008 22:27

Him putting his name to the registration does give him parental responsibility. The law on that changed three or four years ago.

choccypuddin · 12/09/2008 22:29

Nice to see a positive out come solidbrass. I hope that he will change his mind and start being a good father but not sure he will. I think only time will tell and at the moment i am all my baby needs. If he wont come i will have to leave name blank 4 now

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choccypuddin · 12/09/2008 22:41

I think he is also peeved that i will be giving the baby my last name instead of his as we arent together and arent married. He said their is no point his name being on birth certificate if she has my name and not his.

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thumbwitch · 12/09/2008 22:46

he sounds like a sulky brat - if you have split up, why would you want your DD to have his surname? How old is he, anyway?

choccypuddin · 12/09/2008 23:00

He is 39 believe it or not!

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thumbwitch · 12/09/2008 23:01

No way! I thought he would be early 20s at most with that sort of attitude, just shows, doesn't it.

Mamazon · 12/09/2008 23:02

inform him that if you are not married then he will have no parental responsibility for yoru child. however that will not prevent you seeking maintenance from him to help with his upbringing.

You wont have "unknown" on the birth certificate.

solo · 12/09/2008 23:10

I wish I had a blank space on Ds's birth certificate where the fathers name should be ...

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