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You're probably going to think I'm completely mad, tell me what to do!!!

(14 Posts)
madchick Thu 11-Sep-08 10:50:52

I started uni a couple of years ago, split up with dds dad (who hasn't seen her since... bastard. That's a whole different issue though!) and have been really quite desperate and lonely since.
At the end of first year we were taught a module by an absolutely stunning lecturer.
I made a point of going to see him as I was "stuck" or "confused" or whatever, and we started going for coffee and having lots of nice chats.
I found out that he was leaving. Going back to the university that he used to teach at. So I let him know that I was interested, but he said that he couldn't do anything as it would be more than his jobs worth.
We started talking on Facebook and he comes back for conferences and stuff every so often, and we always meet for coffee and have strange quite jokey conversations about sex. He leads me on a bit, which I am fully aware of, but it's fun!
Anyway, he told me a few months ago that he has a girlfriend (I've figured out that they must have been together for at least 2 years) and lots of things keep niggling at me...
1. He talks to me about sex all the time, I don't like this as I feel that it's disrespectful towards his girlfriend, and don't really know how to deal with it
2. He's leading me on and I'm not sure why. I know he's not even going to sleep with me. I feel like I'm being used to boost his ego.
3. It's just doing my head in generally. But I can't bring myself to stop talking to him/ seeing him as I'm mad and desperate and lonely!
Sorry this has ended up so long. I realise I sound like an obsessed teenager, but I need a sane person's take on the matter!

zippitippitoes Thu 11-Sep-08 10:54:47

well you are right he is flattered and probably tempted by your attention and you are lonely and craving naturally some attention

he isn't going to give up his girlfriend

he might sleep with you eventually but there isn't any point

you have to bite the bullet and stop seeing him because until you do you won't move on

and find new friends

which is what you have to do

GeorgeTheCarpetThrasher Thu 11-Sep-08 11:00:33

Its not going anywhere is it?

You will undoubtedly end up feeling a fool and feeling used (whether you sleep with him or not) You will then feel even more lonely than you do now.

You need to take up a hobby - find some new friends and stop propping up this guys ego.

madchick Thu 11-Sep-08 11:01:05

Do you think it would be worth sending him a blunt message on Facebook, or will this just make me seem mad and irrational?!
(I would confront him in person, but I don't think I'm likely to see him again for another 6 months!)

zippitippitoes Thu 11-Sep-08 11:04:40

i don't think there is anything to confront him about to be honest

he has told you he has a girlfriedn

just don't see him any more and unfriend him

or you will be tempted

there must be loads of opportunities to make new friends at uni and thinking about him is stopping you

madchick Thu 11-Sep-08 11:09:41

I do have friends. But being a single mother in a town where I have no support network, and have no oppotunity to do the social bits of university, I haven't been able to get my hands on a man (also the students are v young!)
Lecturer keeps me occupied in that respect, but I do realise this is doing me no good.

zippitippitoes Thu 11-Sep-08 11:12:14

how old are you?

i would have thought there were some older students too

zippitippitoes Thu 11-Sep-08 11:12:55

wont your friends babysit for you?

madchick Thu 11-Sep-08 11:15:42

No. They all have dhs or dps and don't need a babysitter, so don't want to babysit for me (nice!)
Young uni friends are out drinking most nights, and then if they did babysit they would want to do it together (possibly drunk) so I'd have noone to go out with!!!

madchick Thu 11-Sep-08 11:16:39

Oh, I'm 24. All of the students on my course are 20 now... but v immature.

dashboardconfessionals Thu 11-Sep-08 11:16:48

Message withdrawn

zippitippitoes Thu 11-Sep-08 11:19:24

well your friends sound rather mean

im sure there must be loads of students your age

i thought you must be a lot older

madchick Thu 11-Sep-08 11:21:39

They're not particularly good friends. Have coffee with them sometimes. I live in student accomm so I see them on a daily basis.
I feel a lot older than the other students. They're all young and carefree, worrying only about where their next beer is coming from!

madchick Thu 11-Sep-08 11:28:22

I think I'm just unlucky that the uni I go to doesn't have many single parents, and the uni is a bit useless for me.
I've missed lectures due to childcare problems, and they aren't very willing to help me catch up.
Should have chosen a uni more adapted to single parent's needs really.

Anyway, thanks everyone for sorting me out, I needed that!

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